


Dear Diary

by Georgie_Boy



Category: dean charles chapman, george mackay - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Drama, Awkward Romance, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Multi, Platonic Romance, Sexual Humor, Slow Burn, Some Humor, Teen Romance, Teenage Drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 46
Words: 46,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23197570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Georgie_Boy/pseuds/Georgie_Boy
Summary: Grace's life has gone to shit, so she's started a diary, because what else do you do when you find out your boyfriend is cheating on you with your best friend?
Relationships: Dean Charles Chapman / OFC, George MacKay/ OFC, OFC / OFC
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter One

“It’s you,” She exhaled, her breath heavy from running down the street, chasing me.“It’s always _been_ you,” 

“Has it Grace?” I felt a glare slip onto my face, eyes cold and unwelcoming. “Because the way you’ve acted, I don’t think it has been,” She rolled her eyes and thrust a pile of books to me, her diaries...

“Read them, the pages with the pink tags,” I looked down at the books, “Please,” She pushed them towards me once more, “Just… read them, and then if you don’t believe me…” She trailed off eyes filling with hope as I took the pile from her, "I promise, it's always you," I gave her one final look before I turned to walk away, pile in my arms. _“Fuck,"_ Just keep walking, until your around the corner. As I walked I opened the first book up and began to read, 

**July 26th 2011,**

Dear Diary, 

That’s how these things work right? I start each entry by saying ‘Dear Diary’ and then verbally purging my innermost thoughts onto these painfully white pages in hopes of a self soothe type therapy? I guess it’s something to try to work out any sort of lifetime trauma I’ve undoubtedly built up over the years, and there is the saying don’t knock it till you try it?

Well, here we go Grace, hold on to your space buns - Not to self; Don’t try space bun’s Grace, they don’t suit us. 

While I’m sure no one is curious as to why I’d be starting this diary at seventeen (nearly eighteen) and not seven as most girls do it’s because I can’t afford therapy, Not that anyone should be reading this diary, Grace, it’s just you in your own head, talking to yourself, rambling, really. Anyway, as I said it’s probably definitely because I can’t afford therapy, and for as long as I’ve known Bridget Jones always found it helpful in her later years to write down the events of her life in a diary, Heck, they even helped her lose some weight, Christ knows I could probably use that, Of course, her life was undoubtedly a lot more interesting than mine will ever be, but either way, she found sense in writing her memories down, So why would she ever lead me astray. 

If anyone ever asks I’ll say I’m doing it so when I’m old and grey I can look back on all the memories and think about my life, how I spent it, how far I’ve come. 

But if they dug a little deeper, _not even that much deeper, like an inch tops ,_ you’d see it’s because I don’t ever want to forget a detail about him, George MacKay, the most beautiful boy I’d ever seen, and that in all honesty is the real reason I’m starting this diary at seventeen, not seven. 

I met him at Ben Daniels’ end of year party, but since I’ve only decided to start a diary today. I guess we’ll need to take a jump back in time. In case you forgot in your old age Grace, Ben always throws the first party at the end of the year, and now as graduates, everyone had more reason to party. His parties were renowned for being the place to be if you wanted to; 

  1. Lose your virginity.
  2. Take someone’s virginity
  3. Get over a horrendous break up by getting absolutely shit faced
  4. Forget about how badly you did in your tests.
  5. Mourn the loss of your formative years and in turn your youth.
  6. Or you’d attend to witness the utter demise of your faith in humanity. 



I was here for the third reason. 

**July 16th 2011,**

_Ben Daniel’s Start of Summer Party._

Smoke filled the air, thick and hazy. I couldn’t be sure if it was coming from the smoke machine Ben had hired to create ‘atmosphere’ or if it was coming from the cigarettes that everyone seemed to be chain-smoking, It could also be coming from the bong that Freddie Ashby was using.

_Either way, the source of the smoke was unclear._

“Have you seen Sarah?” I asked Freddie. He looked up from his bong, eyes wide and filled with a lazy humorous gleam. He nodded his head a stupid bloody smile on his face. _God Freddie, you were literally the stereotypical stoner that was in_ ** _EVERY_** _bloody American High School movie._ “Well, where is she?” I asked the irritation that clipped my tone was lost on Freddie. 

“Oh, she’s in the lounge room.” He extended the bong out to me. “Take a hit, for old times?” I pushed it back against his chest gently. Freddie was always nice I guess, a space cadet, but never rude… but right now I was on a mission. 

“Maybe later Fred, I just need to find Sarah first.” Freddie nodded his head, Lips wrapping around the mouthpiece, black lighter lit in his hands going to the bowl. I didn’t stay to watch Freddie light up. Instead, I pushed through the solid crowd into the living room. Hannah Jameson saw me first. She tapped her boyfriend Connor Hughes on the shoulder, One by one people turned. I smiled at them all, confused as I made my way into the living room. It wasn’t until I was in front of Ben’s mum’s floral settee did I stop.

My heart dropped through my ass, out of my chest cavity and right through. Hitting the floor before being trampled on by a storm of hippos.

That’s how it felt at least, and no amount of smoke was thick enough to hide the act of deceit happening on Ben’s mum’s floral settee. 

Julian McDonald, my boyfriend of six months and my best friend of eleven fucking years Sarah Olsen, making out in front of everyone. Julian was shoving his tongue down Sarah’s throat while Sarah copped a feel of what Julian had to offer the world through his signature black skinny jeans. I was sure if she kept rubbing she’d wear a hole in the worn denim. 

“Isn’t that…” Morgan Franks, the other oblivious stoner of our school pointed to the two, as if everyone's attention wasn’t already on them. 

“Yeah.” I breathed out looking as Julian’s hand snaked up to cop a feel of Sarah’s boob, much to the entertainment of everyone in the room who whooped and hollered in approval suddenly forgetting that I was there and that was _my_ boyfriend and _my_ best friend making out. “Sure is.” I turned on my heel, my old ratty converses squeaking as I turned, walking back the way I’d came. Nobody bothered watching me this time. Things had heated up between Julian and Sarah enough to keep their attention on them.

“Watch where you’re going.” Someone yelled as I pushed through the growing crowd of horny seventeen and eighteen-year-olds who were desperate for a sneak peek at the live porn show currently unfolding on Ben’s mum’s bloody floral settee.

_I want to burn the fucking thing._

I’d decided there was only one place I could be right now, and that was the patio on the roof. Snagging an unopened bottle of vodka as I went, I rushed up the three flights of stairs. Anyone who’d ever been to one of Ben’s parties in the past knew about the rules of the roof. It was the only place in the whole house where you could sit and have a quiet conversation without anyone disturbing you, bumping into you, or in some cases groping you. It was party law that if you were on the roof you were quiet, and that is why the roof was always relatively empty. Maybe a random couple hooking up in the corner, or the emo-loner kid who wanted to be included without actually being included sat up here.

Now I joined them. The brokenhearted girl who was now planning on getting completely shit faced on a full bottle of Vodka. 

_“Ah fuck.”_ The ground was uneven at the top of the stairs where the door jamb and the concrete didn’t quite level out together, the bottle of vodka I’d grabbed nearly hit the ground had I not been able to grab onto the neck of the bottle seconds before it smashed into the concrete. 

“Rough night?” I jumped, heart racing out of my chest, shock coursing through my veins. I looked up, across the roof near the ledge stood a boy, casually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with a cigarette hanging from his left hand. He was the only one up here, no random couple, no emo-loner kid, Just the boy with the cigarette. He turned more towards me, bringing the cigarette to his lips. “Or do you always nearly drop a full bottle of vodka the minute you walk into a room.” 

“This isn’t a room,” I called cockily, as I stood up, balance restored. The stranger looked around, a tooth filled smile creeping up onto his face. “It’s a roof.” 

“Touché,” He extends his hand towards the space next to him, an unspoken invitation for me to join him. Slowly, cautiously I walk towards the stranger. He maintains his eye contact with me until I’m standing beside him. I take a good look at him. His jaw was square and sharp. His cheeks lightly tanned and covered in a day's worth of stubble. His eyes were big, round… Childlike and welcoming. In the dark light, I could barely see the beautiful blue of his eyes as I stood by him. “So, has it been a rough night.” I chuckled in self-pity before plonking down by his feet, vodka bottle in front of me. 

“How much time do you have?”

“A while,” He sat beside me,

“My boyfriend is cheating on me.” I twisted the lid of the bottle. “With my best friend… Right now…” I moved the bottle towards my lips. “Actually if you’re interested they’re giving everyone the opportunity to catch a free, live porn show… Just go down and ask Ben where his mum's bloody floral settee is,” I chugged down some of the clear liquid coughings as it burned its way down my throat. “Other than that, it’s a pretty stock standard Ben Daniel’s party. Music is too loud, too shitty and everyone’s packed in like sardines.”

“I’ll admit, Ben does always overextend the invite.” He looked around us. “This is the only place you can really move.” I extended the bottle to him. He took it, exchanging it for his cigarette. “But I did hear yelling’s of the porn show from down below, so that explains why.” He tipped his head back, swallowing some of the liquid as I took a drag of his cigarette. I was never one to smoke, apart from social situations, and this I suppose one would consider to be a social situation. “Sounds like a shitty best friend and a really fucking shit boyfriend…” 

“Ex-best friend and I guess ex-boyfriend.” I let the smoke fill my lungs, holding it for a moment before I exhaled coughing a little at the very end, lungs burning.

“Sorry, Ex-best friend.” He took another swig of the vodka. “I’m George.” 

“Grace.” We swapped items again. “You don’t go to our school, do you? I mean with Ben…” George shook his head. 

“Nah, I go to the private school.” Holy shit, this was George MacKay, the same George MacKay that Sarah was in obsessed with.

“Christ on a bike, You’re **_that_** George.” George turned to me, eyebrow raised. 

“That George? I didn’t know I was deserving of a **_that_** before my name.” He chuckled, cigarette pulled to his lips once again. 

“Of course, you need context, sorry…” I cleared my throat. “Sarah, the ex-best friend, the one making out with the ex-boyfriend, she has the **_BIGGEST_** crush on you… She’d always go to any of the parties in town in hopes of seeing you there. If only she were here now,” I shook my head, karma sometimes was a bitch. 

“Your best friend —.”

“Ex,” I mumbled as I tipped the bottle up to my lips. 

“Sorry, your ex-best friend is Sarah Olsen… Stalker Sarah…” Vodka flew out of my mouth, not exactly the most lady-like of things when you’re sitting with one of the hottest boys in your town, alone on a roof… Great job Grace.

“I’m sorry, but what did you just call her.” I spun on my legs a little, my body facing his. He mirrored my actions. I wiped the vodka from my face, _ladylike_. 

“Stalker Sarah, it’s the name my mates came up with for her… I had no part in it.” He held his hands up in defence. “Swear it,”

“Why’d you call her that?”

“Well, like you said she’d come to all the parties in town. When she was there she wouldn’t dance, she wouldn’t drink… She’d just stand there and stare at me. She didn’t blink for five minutes once… It was like she was waiting for me to talk to her.” He shook off the memories. “God, it was so uncomfortable.” 

“My god, seriously,” George nodded his head feverishly. He grabbed the vodka from between us, bringing it to his lips. 

“You know I never thought it’d be sat here at one of Ben Daniel’s parties with Stalker Sarah’s ex-best friend.” There was a moment of silence between us, both wrapped up in the revelations. 

“You look different from how she described you.” George shook his head.

“She described what I looked like to you?” I nodded my head. “Why?”

“Case I ever saw you at a party, I was to tell her immediately.” I mimicked Sarah’s voice.

“Did you?” I shook my head no. “She’s insane you know. One time she told a girl I was seeing that she was pregnant with my kid, and the girl was stopping us being together.” 

“Are you fucking serious.” George nodded his head. “I’m sorry she did that to you.” 

“Not your fault, you don’t control her…” He stamped out his cigarette as he passed the bottle back. “You think you’ll ever forgive them?”

“To quote Hamlet, Act three, Scene three, Line 87… No.” Another smile broke across his face, this one bigger than the first. 

“You can really quote Hamlet down to the line numbers?” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s true what they say about you Grace Finley, you are one of a kind.” He smirked laying on his back, hands behind his head looking up at me?

“How do you know my last name?” 

“I knew who you were the second you step out onto this roof.” He motioned for me to lean in closer to him as if he were about to tell me a national secret, I copied his actions and lay beside him. “I familiarised myself with all of Stalker Sarah’s friends, in case any of them ever came up to me at a party and tried to tell me **ALL** about their great friend, and how wonderful we’d be together… I just didn’t realise you were the ‘best’ friend’ though.”

“Not anymore… But she did try to get me to do that once ya know…” I leant in closer to him, ready to unload my own confession. “But I told her I was going to be sick and got out of there before you even showed up.” 

“Smart girl.” 

“So my grades say.” 

“So I’ve heard.” My eyebrow raised. “I’ve heard a few things about you actually…”

“You have?” He nodded his head, a sinful smirk covering on his lips. 

“Best friends with stalker Sarah, now ex.” He corrected himself when my mouth opened to correct him. “Smart as all hell, probably going to be a doctor or a lawyer, and you were dating **_THE_** biggest jackass in your school.” Part of me couldn’t believe that George MacKay, the boy Sarah had always gone on and on about knew so many things about me. I know their not major things, but it's still something. 

“That’s a lot of things,” He chuckled, laying back on the floor of the roof eyes cast upwards towards the star-filled sky. “Not nearly as many things as I’ve heard about you, but still a lot.”

“What have you heard about me then?” 

“George MacKay, you’re the _‘it’_ boy of your school.” He scoffed at the title. “Every girl from my school, your school the school in the next town over wants to date you. You’re also rather smart… You get good grades, play football. But everyone thinks you’re going to be a model right out of school.” 

“Basic things then,”

“You’re the not so bad, ‘bad boy’ that all the girls want to be good for them.” I rolled my eyes in disgust over the string of words I’d heard come out of Sarah’s mouth one too many times. “It’s a rather romantic notion really if you’re fourteen.”

“You know what they say about bad boys,” George whispered I felt his breath against my cheek. “Bad boys do it better.” 

“Oh my god,” I chuckled. “You say stuff like that to girls? Does that work for you?” I turned to look at him, our noses now touching. 

“You tell me.” He smiled again, my breathing hitched slightly. I looked at him again, this was George MacKay, the boy that Sarah told me I would never have a chance with, no matter how much makeup I wore, how much weight I lost, how much I pushed my tits up… He would only ever be interested in a girl like her, not me. Yet, here he was. 

“Try another one.” My voice came out barely above a whisper, my bottom lip slipping between my teeth. George grabbed my hand, pulling it onto his chest, he started to lead it downwards. He didn’t break eye contact with me, and that only made the whole situation one hundred times more intense. Julian had never done this before, He’d never be able to have this effect on me. 

“Do you want to see what you do to me.” He whispered, stopping right at his belt buckle. He smiled, head inching forward a little more. “How was that?” The look on his face told me he knew what he was doing to me, how he was making my heart skip every second beat. 

“I can see why you got your reputation.” He moved his head closer to mine, just by a millimetre, if either of us moved our lips would touch. His hand still held onto mine resting on his belt buckle. He didn’t make a move to move them, and if I was honest with myself. I didn’t want too. The logical part of my brain told me I was doing this as payback for Sarah hooking up with Julian, but the vodka filled side of me did it because I wanted to see where this could go. 

“Grace.” My fingertips unconsciously gripped onto his belt. His eyes dropped to my lips, only for a second. If I’d been blinking I’d have surely missed it. “You’re cute when you’re flirting.”

“I wasn’t flirting.” I pulled my hand away from his belt. The warmth of his body leaving my forearm. I wrapped it under myself. Watching him as he turned away and looked up at the sky once more. 

“I wish you had been.” God, if I were a petty bitch I would run down those stairs and yell this story in Sarah’s face, while Julian watches on with that stupid look of his. “Why in the world did Julian McDonald break up with you? Apart from being one of the biggest idiots in town,” 

“I didn’t want to sleep with him,” I whispered, rolling back so I was also watching the stars. “He got mad that we’d been dating for six months, and I don’t think I’m ready to lose my virginity.” 

“You mean you’ve never had sex?” 

“I do believe that is the common definition of the word.” I laughed. “But I know, how lame am I. I’m seventeen and I’ve never slept with anyone.”

“I don’t think it’s lame.” 

“Yeah right, I’ve heard the stories about you, and your assembly of women.” 

“Firstly it’s more of a line… not an assembly. Secondly, I’m serious. You wouldn’t want to lose your virginity to that arsehole anyway.” He cocked a smile. “Probably wouldn’t even have a dick big enough to feel it.” He snorted out a laugh, trying to hold it in. “I’ve heard some pretty serious allegations over the size of that guy's dick.” 

“George,” I turned to look at him, unable to stop myself from staring for a moment. “Thanks for making me feel less shit about my life.” He turned to face me now. “I’m sorry I’m such a drunken mess.” I sat up, head spinning from how quickly I’d moved. Looking at the bottle I picked it up, “We drank a lot,” I shook the bottle it was two-thirds empty. 

“Well, that was going to be my next question. Are you always like this or is it just the vodka?” 

“It’s definitely the vodka.” I sat up, trying to hide the blush that was flooding my cheeks. “Normally, if my boyfriend…”

“Ex,”

“Thank-you, Ex-boyfriend hadn’t been making out with my best friend”

“Ex,”

“Ex-best friend on that bloody floral settee feeling up each other's…” I waved my hands in front of my boobs, the frustration overtaking me. “Bits… I wouldn’t be up here, wasted on half a bottle of vodka.” From down the stairs, there was a loud eruption of voices. The music swelled drowning out any chance I had on making out what the voices were saying. 

“But then if they weren’t downstairs making fools of themselves you wouldn’t be up here.” George voiced as he sat up arm brushing mine. “With me,”

“That’s true,” I turned to face him. Chin resting on my arm. “And wouldn’t that be a shame.” George smiled and lent down a little. Eyes levelling out with mine, he ducked in a little closer, once again we were nearly lips to lips. “Why are you up here George?” He smiled, his lips brushed mine ever so softly. I almost thought it didn’t happen.

“I’m hiding from Stalker Sarah.” He whispered, breath fanning over my lips. 

“MacKay where are you.” I pulled away, turning towards the door to the roof. “ **MacKay** ” 

“I think someone wants you.” I turned back to George who was looking at the door. 

“I think you’re right.” He stood up and extended his hand down to me. “Do you need a ride home?” I’d come with Sarah… There was no way I was leaving with her. 

“I can walk.” I smiled standing.

“ **MACKAY**.” The voice hollered again. If Sarah didn’t know George was here tonight, she sure did now.

“There’s no way. You’re not walking, we can take you.” 

“George, it’s fine.”

“Grace, We’re driving you.” He smiled grabbing onto my hand, Holding it tightly in his. “Now, the important part of this mission,” He started as he pulled us towards the door back into the house. “Is making sure neither of your ex’s sees us.”

“You make me sound like I’m a floozy with multiple ex’s. Besides, they’re probably still busy on the floral settee,” George threw his head back and let out a deep chuckle as he opened the door and holding it with his left hand. His right still firmly gripping mine. 

“Grace.” We both pulled to a stop, Our laughter cutting off, dying like my last hopes of being able to get out of this house without seeing either Sarah or Julian ever again. Instead, there they were, standing in front of us, Sarah stepped forward smiling. She looked George up and down like he was a snack. “There you are,”

“We’ve been looking for you.” Julian smiled reaching out for my hand, trying to pull me away from George. 

“Sarah,” I looked at my ex-best friend whose eyes were downcast at mine and George’s interlaced hands. “Julian,” Julian’s eyes were on George, sizing him up. 

“Grace,” Sarah clenched out, eyes leaving mine and George’s hand. “Who's your friend?” She smiled sweetly. George wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his chest. 

“No one, just the guy who's taking her home.” He looked down the stairs, my eyes followed his. At the bottom of the staircase stood two guys, they’re waving at George. He nods his head in acknowledgement at the two. “Come on, Grace,” George lead me past the pair, down one step, two, three.

“Grace,” I stopped, George, stopped on the step below me. I turned, looking back up at the girl who used to be my best friend. “Are you really going to do this to me?” I let out a self-pitying laugh. 

“Honestly Sarah, compared to what you and Julian did together on the settee, George taking me home, is nothing.” They both looked down. “You should have charged for the show, you would have made a killing.” 

“You leave with him and you can kiss goodbye our friendship.”

“You kissed that goodbye the minute you kissed my boyfriend.” I turned, this time not stopping when she called out again. “Let’s go,” I whispered in his ear, stepping down onto his step. When we got to his friends he smiled at them, not explaining who I was. I guessed he was waiting till we were in the safety of the car to divulge the night's happenings.

“You alright?” The taller of the pair asked. His eyes flicked over to me, before turning back to George as we made our way past him. 

“Yeah, I’ll explain in the car,” George replied softly. None of us talked as we followed George out of the house, his hand still holding tightly onto mine. People parted as we walked through the crowd. I could see at least three different girls who’d joined Sarah in her talks about George giving me the up and down before they looked away, their eyes betraying them in the second they turned. They wished they were me, holding his hand…. 

“I’m Mason.” The shorter one smiled as we neared a row of parked cars. “Since this jackass won’t introduce us.” He extended his hand out to me. “You are?”

“Grace Finley.” I smiled shaking his hand. “Ex-best friend of Stalker Sarah, Ex-girlfriend of Julian McDonald.” Mason’s eyes widened he turned to George who was still next to me, hand still firmly grasping mine. “It’s okay, you don’t need to worry about me trying to convince George into hooking up with her.” I lent towards him. “And if you made up the nickname, you’re totally right,” I whispered a little. 

“Speaking of McDonald's,” The taller of the two smiled. “How about we get some?” He held his hand out across the roof of the car. “I’m Taylor, designated driver of these two assholes tonight.” I reached across, shaking his hand.

“Pleasure to meet you, Taylor,” He hit the roof of the car in excitement, 

“McDonald's, let’s go.” 

**July 26th 2011,**

And that was it, The night I broke up with my first boyfriend, the night I lost my best friend and most importantly my exciting night with George MacKay on Ben Daniels’ roof.

After Taylor drove George, Mason and I to McDonald’s where we all pigged out on French fries and Vodka laced milkshakes then when one o’clock rolled around they’d kicked us out, and Taylor insisted on driving me home, no matter how many times I invited I could walk. When they dropped me off George walked me to my front door, kissed my forehead and thanked me for the night’s entertainment and reminded me that Julian was nothing, and Sarah was nothing more than a stalker. 

That was ten days ago, He hadn’t asked for my number, he hadn’t added me on Facebook and he most certainly hadn’t shown up at my front door. No matter how much I kept my hopes up.

Honestly, I was stupid for even thinking he would, it was dumb, but I felt like we’d connected on that roof, but that was the effect of George MacKay.

Who knows maybe he had some rule about waiting more than ten days. 

_Love, Grace_


	2. July 30th, 2011

**July 30th 2011,**

Dear Diary, 

This is now a sad sob story. I’m infatuated with a boy I’d spent less than twelve hours with, and its worse than everyone’s current obsession with Justin Bieber. 


	3. August 4th 2011,

**August 4th 2011,**

Dear future Grace, 

Today is the day you found out you got into Edinburgh. _Congratulations._

Love, 2011 Grace. 

_P.S You’re way still in obsessed with George._


	4. September 4th 2011,

**September 4th 2011,**

Dear Diary, 

HAPPY 18TH!!!! BIRTHDAY!!! YOU’RE FINALLY LEGAL ENOUGH TO DRINK! CONGRATULATIONS!!!


	5. September 11th 2011,

**September 11th 2011,**

Dear Diary, 

I think instead of referring to this as you as ‘Diary’ I think I’ll start to open with ‘Dear Future Grace’ since that’s who this all for. The future Grace whose probably lost her marbles over worrying about George MacKay and if anything he’d said to her on that day in July meant anything to him like it did to us, past Grace and present Grace. (And probably future Grace),

I guess I should apologise to future Grace for leaving so long between each entry. I suck at this thing… My bad, for your sake I hope I get better at this. 

But today at least I’m doing something worth remembering. I’m finally moving away from home and spreading my theoretical wings, where to you may ask? Well, future Grace whose lost her marbles, at one point you were smart enough to get into University. Not just any University, As previously mentioned, in my _‘many’_ entries _(That was sarcasm by the way, just in case you forget It when you get old)_ I got into Edinburgh University, and today I’d officially moved in. 

I walk through the apartment with a huge smile on my face.

There are three bedrooms one shares no walls and is the largest of the three, the other two share one wall. A small slightly outdated bathroom separated the lone bedroom and the living room, offering some semblance of peace for whoever claimed it. The apartment was finished with a combined living/dining/kitchen area with a door leading out onto a smallish balcony. 

The furniture looked on the newer side. There were some suspicious stains on the settee, and the carpet which to me looked like red wine, but from what I could tell none of our neighbours seemed too loud, nor danced naked on their balcony, not that it wouldn’t be interesting to watch if they did. 

My roommates hadn’t arrived yet when mum, dad and I lugged all my stuff in. Mum and Dad couldn’t stay long once they’d dropped me off, only enough to remind me to eat vegetables and take my studies seriously before Dad decided it was time for them to head on home, I didn’t really mind, the sooner they left the sooner I got used to being without them. A big change for someone who’d lived at home all their lives but I was excited. I had a flat one-thirds to myself, no parents looking over my shoulder, watching how many vegetables I ate at dinner, how much red wine I downed at a night time.

The first of my two roommates to arrive was Dean-Charles Chapman, He was on the taller side, attractive. He’d have no problem finding people to entertain him in his downtime. 

“Grace right?” Dean smiled holding his hand out, I shook it quickly nodding my head. “You the first one here?” 

“Yeah, just me,” Dean nodded walking over to the window that overlooked our small balcony. “It’s a pretty nice place.” Dean turned, nodding his head. 

“Oh yeah,” He agreed. “My brother attended University here, graduated a year ago. He never had a place this nice.” He walked towards the rooms. “You pick a room yet?” I shook my head. “Why not?”

“Didn’t seem fair.” Dean smiled, he was handsome, you could easily see how he’d be able to charm a jury even if his client was guilty as sin. 

“Well, pick a room. First in best-dressed.” He pushed one of my bags at me. “I’ll help you move your stuff in.” He picked up another as I led him towards the biggest room, the one with no shared walls. “Makes sense for you to have the biggest room, you are the only girl.” _Wait, what?_

“There’s no other girl?” I stopped turning to Dean. “How do you know that? Charlie could also be a girls name.” Dean laughed putting down what he was carrying on the double bed. 

“His name is Charlie Hudson, I played him in football through High School and he is most definitely a guy.” 

“So I’m going to be the only girl in a flat full of guys, where you’ll bring other girls home and have loud sex with them all night long…”

“Is that what you think guys do?” Dean was clearly amused. 

“Isn’t it?” He thinks a minute before he shrugs, conceding before holding his hand over his heart. 

“I promise you, Grace, I won’t bring home and loud girls, and you’ll never have to pretend to be my girlfriend to get rid of them in the morning.” He smiled, taking his hand down before shrugging his shoulders. “Unless you want to.” 

“I think I’ll pass for now on that chore… But I’ll ah, I’ll keep it in mind Dean.” 

“Suit yourself, but if you do need help getting rid of any of your… conquests…”

“Never an appropriate term.” 

“I’m sure Charlie and I can deal with them,” Dean smirked ignoring me. 

“You don’t have to worry about that Dean.” He nodded his head as if he understood where I was going with this. 

“You got a boyfriend then?” I shook my head.

“No, I’m actually practising being a nun.” I smiled sweetly. Dean’s mouth dropped open a little, he looked me up and down as I began to unpack my bags. 

“You’re a nun?” I nodded my head again. “But you don’t look like a nun.” 

“And what does a nun look like Dean? Huh?” I laughed. 

“Well, they’re meant to be all scary looking, aren’t they? You know like in the movies.” He sat down on my bed, if I were, to be honest, he looks rather traumatised. “I can’t believe my flatmate is a nun.”

“I’m messing with you, Dean.” I laughed unable to keep a straight face any longer. “I just don’t think I’ll really have time to sleep around this year.” 

“So first you’re a nun, and now you sleep around?”

“No, not like that…”

“So which are you? A nun, or a slag?” 

“I’m neither. I’m just saying my course work is going to be full-on, I won’t have time to see anyone…” 

“Grace, if you think I’m going to put up with your booty calls dragging in and out of here, all night long…”

“I’ve never had a booty call because I’ve never had sex before.” That stopped Dean in his tracks, It was as if someone had thrown cold water all over his body. 

“You’re a virgin?” 

“Is that all your brain picked up on?” I rolled my eyes, picking my laptop out of the bag and sitting it on the desk. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just… Don’t take this the wrong way either, but you’re not ugly.” 

“Thanks, Dean.”

“I mean it, you’ve got great tits, and you’ve got nice eyes I guess.” 

“My physical appearance is not the reason I’ve not had sex.” 

“Then what is?”

“That I haven’t found a boy I like enough to let them see me naked.” Dean sat down on the bed, again and continued to watch me for a moment. 

“You know there is a difference between having sex and seeing someone naked, Grace.” I stopped fiddling with my pink shirt and looked up at him. “Put it this way, seeing someone naked can be seen as an intimate thing, whereas having sex with someone can be totally casual. Most times there’s no need to get completely undressed.” He crossed one leg over the other, he was really ready to dive in on his theory. “The number of girls I’ve had a one night stand with, or a supply closet quickie with that haven’t been completely naked it’d astound you.” He shook his head, smirking in self-satisfaction. Obviously, some happy memories were filling his head. “Sorry, but what I mean is you can have sex without someone seeing you naked…”

“Okay, let’s rephrase then. I have yet to find someone I like enough to let them put their penis in me.” I smiled sweetly. “Better?”

“And this is exactly the first conversation I thought I would hear my two roommates talking about.” I stood up straight, my clothes falling onto my bed. At the door stood the person I could only assume to be Charlie, a backpack slung over his shoulder. “Yeah, this’ll be a great year.” He laughed tapping the door jamb as he walked away. I turned back to Dean glaring. 

“Great, now he thinks we’re crazy.” I hissed as I threw the clothes on my bed and walked out after Charlie, finding him spread out on the couch. “Hi,” I waved. “I’m Grace.” 

“The virgin,” Dean chimed in as he walked out of my room. “Hey Charlie, catch the game the other day?” 

“Yeah, absolutely mental,” I have no clue what so ever what they’re talking about. “You really a virgin?” Charlie looked me up and down, just like Dean had.

“Do I need to get it tattoo’d on my forehead?” Dean cackled as he walked over to Charlie, sitting beside him on the lounge. 

“Not necessary, it’s just hard to believe.” Charlie shrugged as if this was the most normal conversation for three complete strangers to be having. 

“Why is it so hard to believe?” 

“Cause you’re not ugly,” Charlie shrugged once more, seconds later being hit on the shoulder by Dean.

“Exactly what I said.” I threw my arms up in the air and walked back to my bedroom, ignoring Dean and Charlie. “Hey, C’mon Grace,” Dean called out. “We have to go get food and everything still. You can’t be pissed at us just yet. How else are you going to get dinner.”

_Fuck these guys._

“Fine.” I groaned storming back out from where I’d come, “Can we go now though so when we get back we can just unpack and not have to leave again?” 

“Sure,” Charlie stood up picking up his keys. “I’ll drive.”

“That’s good cause I don’t have a car,” I called behind him. 

“Don’t drive?” Dean looked over his shoulder as we all walked to the front door, checking we each had our set of keys before shutting the door behind us. 

“Back home was so small and compact, I didn’t really need it.” Dean nodded.

“I can teach you if you want, sometime throughout the year?” 

“That’d be great Dean.” I smiled, genuinely touched by his offer. “So what are you both studying?” I turned walking back down the hallway. “Wait, let me guess.” I looked over Charlie studying his face. “Charlie is going to be a politician, and you Dean, you’re gonna be a lawyer.” 

“Got me.” Dean smiled. 

“I saw your coursebook on the table.” I giggled, turning to Charlie. “Well?” 

“Not me,” Charlie followed quickly. I frowned, “I’m going to be a History teacher, Ancient preferably but I’d settle for modern.” I raised an eyebrow, not what I was expecting from Charlie. “Not what you expected.” He smiled as if he read my mind. 

“Not even close.” I laughed before my body got pushed towards them. “What the fork,” I cried as I fell into Charlie, both of us unable to stabilise ourselves we fell in a heap on the floor. 

“Shit, you guys okay?” I froze. I knew that voice. A loud thump came from beside us, a box dropped to the ground. “Here let me help you.” _George,_ I rolled myself over, propping myself up on my elbows looking up at him from the ground. He recognised me, freezing for a minute before a huge smile filled his face. “Grace? What are you doing here?” 

“You mean here at the University, or here as in the ground?” I looked over at Charlie. “With Charlie?” I added. George laughed, reaching out and grabbing onto me. He easily pulled me up. Charlie pulled himself up quickly, standing off behind me with Dean. I didn’t care where he was right now I was too engulfed by George MacKay. 

“Same old Grace.” George laughed pushing some of my hair behind my ear. Done by anyone else the gesture would have been misplaced, but being done by George it could easily be passed off as a casual gesture. “But I do mean at the University.” 

“I’m attending Uni here.” I pointed over my shoulder, “Dean, Charlie and I all share a flat two doors down. We we’re just heading out to get food.” I noticed the bag on his shoulder. “Are you dropping someone off?” 

“No, I go here too.” I couldn’t help but smile. 

“Model career didn’t work out then?” 

“Not just yet,” George stood back to take a good look at me. “I can’t believe I ran into you.”

“Literally,” Dean pipped up in the background. George didn’t look up at him. 

“I wanted to drop by after the party, but I thought you might need some time to breathe.” 

“I appreciate that.” I turned back to look at Charlie and Dean, both were watching the conversation intently. “Sorry, Dean, Charlie this is George. We’re from the same town.”

“Nice to meet you, George,” Dean extended his hand out slapping against George’s. “Do you watch football?” 

“Yeah, A mad Liverpool supporter, you?”

“Chelsea,” Charlie let out a low whistle. George’s eyes turned to him. 

“This is why he’s going to be a lawyer, he’s got a lot of practice lying about Chelsea being a good team.” Charlie extended his hand out to George, “I’m Charlie, also a Liverpool fan.” 

_In what parallel universe was I introducing George MacKay to people, as if we were good friends. This was weird. So weird._

“We better get going… It was good to see you, George.”

_Play it cool Grace. Like an ice-cube._

“You too,” I smiled once more before walking past him. We got to the end of the hallway before either Charlie or Dean spoke again. 

“I thought you said you didn’t have a boyfriend,” Dean questioned as he pressed the button for the elevator. 

“I don’t.” 

“Then what’s going on with you and George?” Dean smirked as the doors opened. “Because I’m sure if you really wanted that pesky little thing called your virginity gone, I’m sure he’d take it for you.” Dean chuckled. “Just saying,” 

“God Dean, I forgot how sex-driven you were.” Charlie shook his head, stepping inside. 

“Unlike you Dean, I don’t have the desire to let anyone take me to bed.”

“At the moment,” Dean chuckled. 


	6. September 14th 2011,

**September 14th 2011,**

Dear Diary, 

What are your thoughts on parties? Not just birthday parties, or even the parties you went to in high school, but University parties. I didn’t think they’d be much different from the parties Ben Daniel’s threw in high school,

Boy, was I wrong? 

Charlie had come home from his first introduction class with the news we’d all be invited to a huge start of year party at one of his classmate’s houses when he’d said we’d all been invited,I was sure it was actually just Charlie who was invited, and not Dean and I, 

Charlie, on the other hand, was adamant that Dean and I had in fact been invited, and he wasn’t just feeling sorry for Dean and me who were already being inundated with course work. 

“George will be there,” Dean smirked as he watched me pour myself a glass of apple juice as the pair continued to try and convince me to join them, “Won’t he Charlie?”

“Yeah, He was in the intro class, the invitation was extended to everyone and he said he’d go.” Charlie shrugged his shoulders, his brown curls moving in front of his eyes.

“See Grace,” Dean smirked across at me,

“Wow, thanks, Dean. It sounds so much more tempting now.” My eyes rolled as I picked up my juice. 

“C’mon Grace, We’ve both already got a mountain of course work, and it’s only going to get bigger. So why don’t we use this time of minimal work to have some fun? You know… Flatmate bonding.” Dean walked over to our ‘liquor table’ _(In reality it was really just a small table we’d found on gumtree for five quid)_ “Let me add some vodka to that juice and before you know it you’ll be ready to party.” He swiped the nearby bottle of vodka, twisting the lid off as he walked menacingly towards me. 

“Don’t even think about it.” I put my hand over the top of my cup. “Apple juice is the only source of happiness for me right now, I don’t need it plagued with bad memories.” 

“That’s just sad,” Charlie shook his head as a knock sounded from the door. “That’ll be George.”

“Why’s he here?” I looked at the door. 

“I figured we’d need help convincing you to come.” He stood up and walked towards the door leaving Dean and I. 

“Whose party is it again?” I pulled the juice towards me, afraid he’d pour some of the heartburn inducing liquor into it. 

To be honest, I wouldn’t mind some vodka, I was just worried that vodka-soaked Grace would chase George down all night and end up like one of those girls you see crying in the gutter at two in the morning, or worse end up like Sarah and just stare at him from across the room all night like a cat in heat. 

“I think Charlie said his name was Harry?” Dean took a swig of the vodka from the bottle. “That’ll put some steam in your tank.” He winced lowering the bottle.

“Do I have to go?” I whined as Charlie walked back, George following behind him. “Can’t you three go without me? Parties aren’t really my thing, I can just skip it.”

“Can’t let you do that, Dean says we need you.” Charlie wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Remind me again why she needs to come?” Charlie laughed as Dean went about pulling my bottle of juice over to him. 

“Don’t you dare Dean.” I reached back out pulling it back to me. “Apple juice is an innocent drink. Do not taint it.”

“We need Grace because as soon as girls see us walking in with her they’ll see we’re good guys, and they’ll trust us easier,” Dean smirked. “Perfect plan.”

“So you’re going to pretend that you don’t want to get in with these girls, but really you do?” He nodded. “I still don’t wanna go,” I whined.

“Please Grace,” Dean begged. “I need to meet someone to add to my roster.”

“You have a roster?”

“A rotating one,” He smirked. “But at the moment I’m missing a girl….” He looked over to George shrugging. “One got too clingy.”

“Wow, you’re such a good dude Dean.” I rolled my eyes. “Fine, I’ll go.” I pulled away from Charlie and dragged my feet to my bedroom for good measure. 

“Has she been drinking?” I heard George whisper to Dean. 

“Only apple juice,” He whispered back. “She wouldn’t let me spike it.” I opened my door and slammed it closed behind me, pushing my back up against it for good measure. 

“One question,” I called through the door. 

“What is it?” Dean called back. 

“What do I wear?” 

“Let us in, we’ll help you pick something,” George spoke this time, the door handle turning. I pushed against it. “Grace, you’ve gotta open the door.” I could hear Dean chuckle from the other side. I pulled open my door. The three men filed in, George sprawling across my bed, Charlie sitting on the chair at my desk and Dean going to my wardrobe. I walked towards George, preparing to sit on the edge of the bed while Dean went through my clothes. 

“Try this one.” Dean threw something white at my head, I caught it holding it out. It was my white dress. I’d worn it on my first date with Julian. 

“I don’t know about this.” I pulled at the fabric. “It’s a bit tight around my boobs.” 

“Then its perfect.” Dean pulled me up, pushing me out the door. “Change.” The door shut behind me, I knew I had no choice but to change into the dress. Pulling my sweat pants down quickly, and my shirt off I threw on the dress. Pulling at the hemline trying to will it to go down my legs a little more. I had to admit my chest size had grown since I last wore this dress, and it was no longer hitting lower thigh. 

“Great you’re done.” I was heaved back into my room by Dean who stood me still again.

“Boys?”

“Need’s a jacket,” Charlie twisted his head, looking over me eyes watching my chest, “Boobs look good though,” I crossed my arms over my chest trying to shield them. “That just pushes them up more.” He laughed, watching as I uncrossed my arms quickly. 

“Try the leather one.” Dean threw my jacket towards me. But being the uncoordinated girl that I am, I didn’t manage to catch it, and instead, it landed onto of my head. “Good catch,” He snorted, I pulled it off grooming as I pulled it over my shoulders. “There you go.” 

“Looks good.” George smiled, still laying on my bed, I know it was an off-handed compliment and he was probably trying to make me feel better about going, but it was enough to make my cheeks flush… “I’m getting a drink, anyone want anything?” He looked over at Dean and Charlie who nodded, “Vodka for you Grace?” 

“Uh, sure,” I walked over to my shoe rack, picking up a pair of black Doc Martins, should I wear these or my red heels? “I don’t really mind.” 

“I’ll help you.” Dean followed George out of the room. “Did you see the final goal of the game the other day…” Leaving Charlie and me alone in my bedroom.

“So Charlie, Have you decided on what type of girl you’re going to try and get with tonight?” I made small conversation. If I was going to be in the flat when he brought girls home I could at least make sure that they were nice to me when they were leaving in the morning. 

“There are types?”

“Sure… You know there’s the one who thinks she can dance, but she’s not that great at it. The one who’s looking for a rebound, The one who’s always drinking…”

“They don’t sound half bad to me.”

“They’re always lovely girls, but every party has types.” I picked up a pair of my heels. “So what type?”

“Not sure, I’m not really looking right now.” I heard the chair move as he stood up. “What about you? You gonna find someone to take the plates?” 

“My virginity you mean?” 

“Yeah, That,”

“Charlie, I’d sooner to lose my virginity to you than someone I’ll meet at this party.” I turned to face him. He was standing close to me, closer than I thought he’d be. 

“That can be arranged if you’d really like.” 

“Charlie,” He smiled innocently. “If we’re going to live together, you’re going to have to stop flirting with me,” Charlie smirked.

“And you’re going to have to stop being so easy to flirt with.” He countered. 

“Charlie, I mean it. Haven’t you seen the movies or even read the books about the guy and the girl who live together, and they, uh….” I stumbled.

“Fuck?” He suggested. I glared at him, shaking my head which only caused him to laugh and nodded his head. “Alright Grace, Consider yourself officially in the friend-zone.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” I turned back around, focusing on the shoes I wanted to wear tonight. Did I really want to torture myself and wear heels all night, or should I settle for my docs?

“But if you do ever change your mind, you just let me know, I’m sure that I can help you with that,” I could feel Charlie’s chest pressed against my shoulder. “Relax Grace. I can practically see your brain overheating.” His chest bumped against my shoulder as he let out a deep chuckle. “But remember, all you have to do is ask.”

I didn’t turn to look at Charlie as he walked away, I couldn’t. I was afraid I’d melt into a puddle of mush. 

_Jesus, Christ Almighty,_

Between George and Charlie, I was going to be flirted with to death. 

_Here lies, Grace Finley._

_Cause of death, Heart attack, caused by the flirtatious comments made by roommates and friend. R.I.P_

_1994 - 2011._

“Ready?” George stuck his head around the doorjamb. “You look good,” He smiled looking me up and down as I struggled to get my Doc’s on my feet quickly. 

“Are you sure? It’s not too much? Not enough?” I spun around to the mirror and fiddled with the ends of my dress. “I was never good at these things, Sarah always picked out what I’d wear to parties.” 

“Dean and Sarah look alike if you squint… kinda.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Even when I was feeling super anxious George had still managed to make me laugh. “C’mon Gracie, We’ll have a good time. We’ll drink and we’ll dance.”

“And what do I do when you pick up a girl like the rest of them?” 

“I’m not going too.” 

“You’re not going to pick up a girl?” 

“Don’t need to when I’ve got the best one right in front of me.” He winked. 

“You need to cut that out, someone might think you have a crush on me.” _But if you really want to continue, don’t let me stop you._

“I’m just saying, these clothes would look nice on my bedroom floor.” He crossed his arms over his chest as he looked over me again. “But one thing,” He took three long steps towards me. His hands running up my arms. “You should always leave your hair out.” He pulled the hair tie from my hair, letting it fall down over my shoulders. “It looks best when it's like this.” 

_Note to self;_

_Burn all hair ties._

“You two done in here?” George looked over his shoulder, his lips falling into a straight line as he looked at Charlie who stood in the door, glass in his hand, his face a mirror image of George’s. “Or should we put a tie on the door handle.” 

“No need, Virgin remember,” I growled as I walked past George and pushed past Charlie out to the kitchen where Dean sat three full glasses in front of him. “What are these?” I fumed quietly, annoyed that Charlie had interrupted whatever moment George and I were having. 

“Vodka and apple juice.” He passed one over to me with a devious smirk. “Couldn’t help myself. One for all of us, really gets the party started.” 

“Ready boys?” I handed my glass off to George, picking up the final one. “Salute.” I tipped the glass back practically throwing the drink down my throat. “Another one,” 

“You’re using up all your apple juice Gracie.” Dean laughed.

“Look’s like we’ll have to buy more than won’t we Deanie.” I chimed back, slamming another one down. “Should we go?”

“You really get into the party mood quickly don’t you?” Dean laughed, grabbing my hand and dragging me out towards our front door. “George, you guys still catching a taxi?” 

“Yeah, mate, The boys ordered it for around now,” George pushed in front of Dean and I looking down at his watch. “I’ll stop in, make sure they’re ready.” 

“We’ll meet you out the front,” Dean looped an arm around my shoulder. “C’mon Grace, Charlie, Let’s leave the boy to gather the cavalry, and let’s all enjoy this minor buzz I’m feeling.” I looked over at George who’d stopped at his front door. I smiled. 

“See you down there?” He nodded his head a boyish grin on his face. 

“Course, be down in a few.” He pushed open the door and fell into the flat, loud music poured out for a few seconds before the door shut behind him. 

“C’mon Grace, you’ll see him in a few minutes, let’s go. I’m dying for a fag.” I turned hitting him across the stomach. “What the fuck was that for,”

“Don’t use that word.” 

“What fag?” Charlie asked in place of Dean, as he pressed the elevator button. 

“Yes, that one!” I frowned, “Don’t use it.” 

“Why not?” Dean rubbed his stomach as we stepped into the confinement of the elevator. 

“Because it’s ignorant.” I looked at both boys, neither of them were really getting it. “I know you think it’s just slang for cigarettes, and I’m sure neither of you actually have a problem with gay people, but the negative connotations that have been put on the word by stupid idiots really outweighs your necessity of the word.” Dean stands for a minute, thinking before he nods his head. 

“Alright. If it upsets you that much Grace, I promise not to use the word again.” 

“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that.” The two of us turned to Charlie. He was leaning up against the elevator wall, hands shoved into his jean pockets. “Well…” Charlie looked down from the ceiling, eyes meeting mine. 

“What was going on with you and MacKay in your room earlier?” I could see Dean turn to face me out of the corner of my eyes. “Was he hitting on you?” 

“No more than you had been, now what’s your answer.”

“You were hitting on her?” Dean gasped, Charlie and I ignored him.

“You like him don’t you?”

“George is my friend, and that’s it, Charlie.” I turned facing the doors, waiting for them to open. “Why does it even matter to you?” 

“Doesn’t, just wanna gauge how much he’ll be hanging around.”

“Thought you two were football friends?” Charlie shrugs his shoulders indifferently at the question. 

“Doesn’t mean I want him hanging around the flat all the time.” 

“God, does it seem this elevator is taking a lot longer than most do?” Dean groaned. “Or is it just all this sexual tension.”

“There is no tension.” Charlie and I snapped at the same time. I looked over from Dean to Charlie who was slumped against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. His biceps bulging underneath his white button-down. God, he looked good tonight. Maybe there is sexual tension. 

~~ **THERE IS NO SEXUAL TENSION HERE,** ~~

“Thank fuck.” Dean praised when the doors slid open. We walked out and into the cold air of Scotland. 

“Took you guys long enough.” I looked up to see George and two other guys sitting on the steps of the building. “Haven’t you guys learnt yet that the elevator takes nearly three times as long as taking the stairs?” George stood brushing dirt off his jeans. “Grace, Dean, Charlie these are my flatmates Henry and Jordan.” 

“Hi,” I waved awkwardly. “No taxi?”

“Should be rolling up any minute now.” One of them, Henry looked off down the road. He was Scottish, with dark red hair and brown eyes. “Taxi’s in this country never run on time.” He laughed again. 

“The one time we need it too.” George sat back down on the steps. He looked up at me expectantly before tapping the concrete beside him. I walked over tucking the short material of my dress underneath me before sitting beside him. He moved in closer our sides flush against one and other. “You cold?” He pointed at my legs where goosebumps had arisen. They weren’t from the cold. 

“A little,” 

“Here,” He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into him, he ran the arm wrapped around my shoulder up and down my arm vigorously. “Better?” 

“Thanks.” I nodded my head. But by all means, you don’t have to stop. 

“Look at these two.” Dean lit up a cigarette. “The girls are going to be falling at our feet lads when they see Grace with us.” 

“Yeah,” Jordan snorted. “George told us about the master plan,” He looked over George and I. “Nice of you to play along Grace,” Dean offered the cigarette to him. He took it popping it between his own lips. “Not many girls cool enough to help their friends get laid.” He kicked George gently with his foot. “Right MacKay.”

_Alright Jordan, how about you go fuck yourself_ … I’d almost forgot I was just being used as a pawn to help these guys get laid. 

“If you keep talking to her like that mate, she might not help you out,” Charlie smirked sitting on the step on the other side of me. “Grace only promised to help out the nice guys.” Jordan held his hands up in defence. 

“I am nice I promise.” He chuckled. “Grace, if you wanna see how nice I can be…” 

“Don’t finish that sentence, Davis.” George glared. “She’s too good for you.” 

“Taxis here,” Henry called, “Time to go.” He pulled open the sliding door and motioned for me to hop in first. “Ladies first,” He smiled sweetly. 

“Thank you, Henry.” I smiled standing up from the concrete step and walking towards him. I tucked the skirt underneath me as I stood up into the van. “Hello.” I smiled at the driver, scooting across the seat to the window. George jumped in next to me and Charlie sat in the very back seat with Dean. “Are you having a good night?” I asked the driver who smiled in the rear mirror. 

“I am Missy, yourself.” I nodded my head. 

“Can’t complain.” I smiled again. 

“That’s everyone,” Jordan declared when he jumped into the front seat. I looked out the window as Jordan rattled off the address to the driver. 

God, how was I going to last at this party? I know they said they wouldn’t leave me but they’re totally going to leave me first chance they get. I know how persuasive boobs and a vagina can be to a horny boy. 

“You all good?” George’s voice whispered in my ear. I turned he was leaning down, lips right next to me. I nodded my head. “Don’t worry Grace, I won’t leave you at all tonight.”

“But what if you find a girl?” I countered. 

“I told you, don’t need one when I’ve got the best one right in front of me.” He grabbed onto my balled fist. “I’m not gonna leave you all night.” 


	7. September 14th 2011,

**September 14th 2011,**

Shit, My pen ran out of ink. Sorry, future self,

As I was saying, George, Charlie, Dean, Henry, Jordan and I were all in the taxi on the way to this party… Harry’s party whoever he is, When George had started to hold onto my balled-up fist, His warm hand had managed to coax my fist out of its ball and twine our fingers together. 

And that was the very moment that Jordan, _the bloody fuck head_ decided to turn around in his seat and eye up George and I’s hands, a twisted vile smirk coming to his lips.

“Thought you two were just friends.” He smirked, looking back at Charlie and Henry. “Now I understand why MacKay isn’t picking up tonight? He’s already got himself a bird.” 

“Are you always such a dick?” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could pull them back in. As the words digested in everyone’s minds an awkward silence fell in the car. Tension looming underneath ready to crack at any second. 

“Excuse me?” Now or never Grace… 

“You heard me.” I cleared my throat a little and hoped George couldn’t tell how my grip on his hand tightened. “Are you always such a dick? So what if George and I are holding hands, have you never had a friend whose hand you could hold?” I paused waiting for him to reply, when he opened his mouth I powered on. “God, I feel sorry for you… ” Jordan opened his mouth again to rebuttal my accusation. “If you must know, George was reassuring me, I don’t want to be at this bloody party tonight, but here I am going because these guys know that you are going to need all the help you can get to even have a girl give you a double-take.” It was a part lie, he was pretty attractive until he opened his mouth. “So next time you feel like shit-stirring, make sure the person you’re pissing off isn’t the same person whose helping you ‘get a bird.’.” I fumed.

“Now I’ve seen everything.” The taxi driver let out a little chuckle. 

“That’s my Grace.” Dean whooped from the back seat reaching forward to grasp my shoulders, giving me a shake. “Atta girl.” 

“Learned yer lesson yet mate?” Henry chuckled shaking his head. “Little lass isn’t here to take your shite.” 

The rest of the ride was silent. Jordan fumed silently in the front seat after his dressing down, Dean would randomly chuckle in the back seat and try to cover it with a cough, and George and I still held hands up until the moment I was jumping out of the taxi. 

“Thanks for the ride.” I waved to the driver, slipping out of the seat. 

“Thanks for the show.” He called back, driving off once I’d shut the door. I spun around facing the group I’d arrived with. 

“Ready?” I tried to plaster a smile on my face as I looked towards the large house. People were flowing out from inside into the front yard. I could already smell the weed and my mind was thrown back to Freddie and how he was always lighting up a joint at every one of the parties I’d gone to in school, now it was a whole lot of people, not just Freddie Ashby and five others lighting up. 

“C’mon,” George grabbed my hand again and pulled me behind him into the house. The place was packed, even more than any of the parties I had ever been too. 

“So I just fucked her right there in the stairwell and let me tell you bro, was nuts. Hopping around on my dick like it was a pogo stick.” I spared a look at the blonde boy talking to a group of about three other guys right by the front door. 

“This party seems super promising.” I called to the group over the pounding music, If I wasn’t mistaken it was ‘Tipsy’ playing, and if I looked to the ‘dance floor’ there would be a lot of girls dropping to the floor. George looked over his shoulder and laughed shaking his head. He used his grip on my arm to pull me into him, his arm wrapping around my shoulder. Our joined hands resting just above my boob. My eyes zeroed in on it.

_His hand was precariously close to touching my boob,_

Calm down horn dog, he’s not touching you…

“I’m with you all night babe.” He lent down and called into my ear. I couldn’t do much more than nod my head and try to take deep breaths as my heart fluttered out of my chest once again. I tried to take deep breaths as we worked our way through the crowd, the air thick with the smell of weed, spilled alcohol, and sex.

~~_I’m just guessing this is what sex smelled like at least._ ~~

“Plans working,” Dean smiled innocently, I looked back at him, noticing the girls around us giving the five boys in my company, the once over before quickly looking away then back for a double-take. 

“ ** _God_** Dean you’re such a good guy,” I called loudly through the crowd as Dean stopped a drink being spilt on my dress. I gave him a quick wink, my hand gripping tighter onto George’s hands. “I can’t believe you’re still single.” I looked at a girl whose head perked up at my words. “Any girl would be lucky to have you.”

“You’re my number one girl.” He chuckled shaking his head. “But I do think its time for me to find a drink.” He smiled slipping away giving Charlie a parting fist bump as he went.

“I’ll come, I need to take a piss.” Jordan broke off leaving just the four of us to face the madness alone. 

“Drink?” I nodded my head at Henry. “Grace looks like she needs one.”

“Try two,” I called back tucking myself into George more as a guy passed by us eyes focused purely on my cleavage. “Maybe three,” Henry took off shaking his head in laughter, stopping every now and then to greet this person or that person. “He’s popular,” I whispered above the music to Charlie who nodded his head. We walked into the slightly emptier, but still overcrowded. 

“Never drink the punch,” Henry called over his shoulder. “That’s where everyone puts their dregs of drink they don’t want, it’s never safe.” 

“Don’t touch the punch,” I repeated. “Got it.” George’s hand dropped off my shoulder, round to my lower back, as he walked us towards the least populated corner of the kitchen. 

“Sit up here Grace.” I moved so I could pull myself up onto the counter only to have George grab me by the waist and lift me up. My legs swung off the side as I pushed the skirt of my dress down to cover my legs. “Comfortable?” I nodded my head a stupid grin pulling on my lips, 

“Thanks.” George smiled and jumped up beside me, arm wrapping around my shoulders again. I felt my cheeks flush. 

“You okay Grace?” I looked up from George’s hand to find Charlie was now standing in front of us, four bottles expertly held between his fingers, Henry following behind him, a mirror image. “You look a little warm.” 

“Maybe you should take your jacket off.” George pulled the leather off a little revealing more of my chest and shoulder. 

“Yeah, maybe,” I pulled the jacket off sitting it beside me. “What are those?” Charlie held two of the drinks out to me. I grabbed onto both of them as Henry passed two off to George. “Cider?”

“Strawberry and lime?” He studied the bottle himself. “Sugar get’s your drunker quicker.” He shrugged his shoulder. “Or so Julie was telling me?”

“Whose Julie then?” George smirked. 

“The girl who recommended the cider mate.” Charlie chuckled turning he looked over his shoulder, the three of us looked as well finding where he was looking, a pretty redhead was standing at the other end of the kitchen watching us. 

“She’s fit,” Henry concluded. I tuned out their conversation pulling the bottle to my lips, head tips back and a rush of bubbly cider filled my mouth. It was delicious. I could see how people got drunk on this easily. “How is it?” It tasted like lolly water. 

_If you keep drinking Grace maybe you’ll forget how pathetic you are falling for a guy who is so clearly out of your god damn league and you don’t even believe in leagues._

“Grace?” 

“Huh?”

“It must be good then.” George cackled, his body shaking mine as his arm pulled me tighter against him. “If it made Grace stay quiet for more than five minutes.”

Don’t enjoy this too much Grace, he’s just making appearances for his next party. He’ll probably tell girls your his sister… It’s just to show girls they’re nice guys. 

“There you guys are.” Jordan and Dean reappeared at the entrance to the kitchen, two blonde girls hung off their arms. “C’mon they’re starting the games.” Jordan pulled his girl closer to him as he turned to make his way back out of the room.

“Oh, joy, party games,” I mumbled as I slipped off the kitchen counter grabbing my jacket. I turned to George to hold onto him again as a girl came up to us, she ran a hand through her hair, pushing it off her shoulder. 

“George, mate, Are you coming?” Henry stopped by the counter. 

“I’ll catch up.” He smirked, not taking his eyes off the girl.“I’m George.”

“April,” She giggled furiously. He doesn’t like you Grace, you have to be okay with that. 

“C’mon Grace.” Charlie grabbed my hand this time pulling me behind him into the living room. A group of people were crowded around the wooden table, I could hear the spinning of a bottle on the hardtop surface. Charlie’s hand stayed firm on mine as we shoved ourselves into the circle.

“We’re going to change things up this time, it’s no longer just spin the bottle, it’s spin the bottle ten minutes in heaven.” A loud cheer went up through the group as Charlie stood us in front of the table. He stood behind me, protectively keeping people from bumping into me as they got rowdier. “Now, who’s next?” He looked around before his eyes stopped on me. “You,” He pushed the bottle across the table to me. I could feel my face flush over as I momentarily looked back at Charlie. I reached out and grabbed the old beer bottle, sparing a glance at the people around the table. “You have to spin it, sweetheart.” The guy called again. 

“No shit,” I called back before reaching across to the middle of the table. Not only was my cleavage exposed, but I was pretty sure my ass was pressing right against Charlie’s crutch. I spun the bottle quickly standing back upright, Charlie’s left hand fell onto my hip. 

The bottle spun ten times in total before it stopped. It stopped between the guy who was standing beside us, smelling suspiciously of weed, or Charlie. 

“It’s on me,” Charlie called arm wrapping around my waist pulling my back against his chest. “Closet” 

“Upstairs. Use a bedroom.” The boy smirked. People whooped as we walked away from the table. Charlie leading me up the stairs by the hand. I turned to look back at the crowd as we ascended and through the small doorway into the kitchen I saw George with the girl he’d left me for. Except now they weren’t just talking. His tongue was down her throat. 

_Just like all the other guys._

“Come on.” Charlie tugged me gently pulling me up the final part of the stairs. My mind was a blur as he pulled us into another room, the door shutting behind him, blocking out the noise of the party into a dim roar.

_What had George done to me?_ He’s like my drug, whenever I get his attention I get really happy for a while. But when I don’t it’s like the world is falling apart and I don’t know what to do anymore. 

“You’ve really got feelings for him don’t you?” I didn’t have to look at Charlie to know he was judging me. 

“That obvious?” I walked over to the bed and sat down. I wonder how many people have had sex on this bed tonight?

“I’ve seen the look before.” 

“I’m pathetic.” 

“Why because you have feelings for someone?”

“No, because I have feelings for someone so out of my league.” I lent my elbows on my knees. “I don’t look like the girls he goes for Charlie. They’re all skinny, they’re all blonde… I’m neither of those things.” _Your just a fat brown-haired slob, nothing in comparison to all those girls. You’re useless Grace._

“You’re right.” My head snapped up to Charlie. 

“What?”

“You’re right.” He walked over to me and sat beside me on the bed. “You’re nothing like those girls.” _Even Charlie can see how wrong I was for George._ “You are smart, you’re funny, and unlike them Grace you’re beautiful without even trying.”

“I thought I told you to stop flirting with me, Charlie.”

“This isn’t flirting.” He grabbed onto my hand holding it in his larger warm one. “This is me, telling you that you are worth more than any of those girls, and MacKay is an idiot if he doesn’t see it… Who knows, maybe one day he might but why are you wasting your time waiting around for a maybe that may never come?” 

“I don’t know how not too.” I opened my mouth waiting for the reason to tumble out but instead, all I could do was stutter. 

“Try.”

“He was there for me when I needed him, Charlie… He was the only one there for me.” 

“Do you really have feelings for him?” 

“I think so.” 

“You have to tell him.” Charlie stood up and tried to pull me up. 

“No Charlie I can’t.” I pulled him back, this started a game of tug of war, my arm being the rope. “Charlie stop it.”

“Don’t be a baby Grace.” He pulled me, My butt left the bed, but I dug my feet in and managed to counteract his pull, causing both of us to fall back onto the bed. Charlie fell half on top of me. “Grace.” He shook his head, pushing some of the hair out of my eyes. “If you don’t tell him, you’ll never be able to breathe.” 

“I can’t do that.” I moved my head a little closer to his. I looked from his eyes down to his lips. The sudden feeling of want washing over me. 

“Grace, you’ll regret it.” He whispered back, his head also moving closer to mine. 

“I’m not sure I would.” The door swung open breaking us apart. Charlie rolled off me and I sat up, making sure my skirt covered everything. 

“Grace?” I squinted, looking at the figure. “Charlie.” They walked closer. 

Holy fuck it was George. 

“I… I gotta go…” I yelled getting up and rushing out of the room. 

“Grace, come back,” George yelled over the crowd. I pushed my way out through the crowd and down the stairs. I didn’t look back, I couldn’t.

I felt the cider bubbling in my stomach threatening to come out. I made it out of the house, across the road and partway down the street before it did. When I was finished being sick I sat in the gutter, hot tears rolling from my eyes. I couldn’t tell you if it was from being sick, or the fact that George saw Charlie and me. 

“Grace.” I wiped the tears from my cheeks on the back of my hand. “Grace, it’s Henry.” I stood up from the gutter to see him walking down the road, on the other side to me. “Grace it’s not safe for you out here alone.” 

“I’m fine,” I called back sinking back onto the ground, my head spinning. “Just go back to the party, I’m fine,” 

“Charlie and George are looking for you,” 

“Tell them to go back to the party,”

“Grace,” Henry sighed when he saw me, what a sight I must have been, vomit on the front of my dress, hair messed up, mascara running down my cheeks. “Do you want to go back?” I shook my head.

“I just want to go home.” 

“Alright,” He sat beside me, his arms resting on his bent knees.

“What are you doing?”

“My ma would kill me if I left a girl alone.” He nudged me softly with his shoulder, trying to ease the situation.

“You don’t have to stay with me, you can go back to the party, promise it’ll be okay,”

“It’s fine Grace. I don’t mind.”

“Aren’t their girls you want to pull?” Henry shook his head. 

“No, They’re not really my type?”

“Party girls, aren’t your type?”

“No, girls aren’t my type.” 

“You’re gay?” 

“As gay as you like George.”

“That’s a lot,” I whispered. “Do they know?” 

“George does, Jordan…”

“Don’t blame you.” I giggled despite myself. “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want that, not that there’s anything to tell…”

“It’s fine Grace.” He pulled his jacket off and slipped it around my shoulders. "Charlie has your jacket.” I nodded my head. There was a peaceful silence between the two of us, the only noise was the music coming from the party down the road, and even then it didn’t ruin the serenity. “Wanna tell me what happened?” 

“I nearly kissed Charlie, and George saw…” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” I buried my head in my hands. “I’m such an idiot.”

“He knows it was for the game… He’s not angry. He’s actually glad it was Charlie and no one else…”

“He doesn’t hate me?”

“I think it’s physically impossible to hate you Grace.” Henry smiled Kindly as he moved closer, pulling me into his chest as I sobbed stupidly, drunkenly over a boy who’d left me for another girl.


	8. September 15th 2011,

**September 15th 2011,**

Let me tell you something diary, hangovers, they’re not fun. In any way, In any shape, Nor in any form.

And let me tell you something else… I’ve thrown up… Maybe six times already.

I’m also very much avoiding my roommate and George… Who by all accounts crashed on our settee late last night after Henry had walked me home and tucked me into bed.

I’ll keep you updated, but for now, I have a hangover to nurse.

Love, Grace. 


	9. September 18th 2011,

**September 18th 2011,**

Dear Diary,

Sorry, I didn’t end up writing more the other day, but by the end of the day, I was ready to crawl into my bed and pretend I was never born.

But for the sake of future Grace. Let me recap. I’ll warn you it’s still pretty much all a blur.

A very hazy, cider soaked blur.

When I’d finally managed to work up the courage to leave my bed around nine-thirty, I’d tip-toed all the way from the end of my bed all the way to my door, and out into the main living space. As expected George was sprawled out on the settee. His chest moving up and down evenly, one leg over the arm rest, the other hanging down towards the ground. If he was uncomfortable, you wouldn’t know it.

I studied him for a minute, unable to help myself.

Had he been a massive jerk last night? _Yes_ ,

Had he broken his promise to you? _Yes_ ,

Were you going to forgive him the moment he fluttered his eyelashes at you? _Abso-fucking-lutely,_

“There’s my sleeping beauty.” I nearly jumped out of my skin when I noticed Dean standing at the stovetop. A skillet of food frying that he casually stirred. “Sleep well?”

“Like a dream.” He snorted. “Charlie?”

“Still sleeping,” He took the frypan off the stove and tipped the contents onto the plate. “Dig in.” I walked hesitantly towards him, my brain trying to communicate to the rest of my body that if we dared to make a big enough noise, the chances of George waking up were high. “You okay?”

“Apart from feeling like an idiot.” I picked up a bit of bacon, pulling it apart. “I can’t believe I acted like that.” Dean shrugged his shoulder, passing me a spare fork. “Crying on the street,”

“Alcohol does that kind of thing.” I shook my head and stabbed the fork into some of the scrambled egg. “Trust me, I’ve done my fair share of stupid shit.” He pierced a tomato popping it in his mouth. “Running through the school dance naked… Kissing my best-mate…”

“I nearly kissed him.”

“Who George? I thought you’d want that, not an ugly bloke?”

“Charlie…”

“You nearly kissed Charlie.” He yelled in surprise.

“Jesus Christ Dean, what are you trying to do? Tell the whole floor?” I shook my head and looked over my shoulder. Charlie’s door was still shut, and George was still passed out.

“Well, what happened?” He leaned across the counter a little, his head dropping. “Henry said you were sick.”

“We got pulled into this game, it was like seven minutes in Heaven, but you had to spin a bottle?”

“Why can’t they ever just play the classics…” Dean trailed off,

“Dean, focus.” I hissed. “So I spun, and it landed between Charlie and this guy who stunk of weed,”

“Fine choices there, Grace.”

“So Charlie said it was on him, and we went upstairs as per the rules of the game, and he was asking me about…” I nodded over my shoulder at George. Dean nodded his head in understanding. “Then Charlie was trying to pull me up of the bed, to drag me downstairs to tell him how I feel, Going on about how I needed to tell him and it was important to tell him, blah blah blah…”

“Is there a cliff notes version?”

“Right, sorry.” I cleared my throat. “So he lost his footing, or maybe I got the upper hand. Either way, he fell onto of me, and I don’t know we were just caught up in the moment.”

“And you kissed?”

“Almost, We were about to when George walked in with a girl.”

_“Christ on a bloody bike,”_

“I’m such an idiot.”

“Grace,”

“I just ran, I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Where’d you go?”

“Down the road.” I dropped my head in my hands. “I threw up in the gutter right before Henry found me, and walked home with me.”

“Bloody hell.” He stabbed a piece of mushroom and chomped down. “You gonna talk to them then?”

“Which one first?”

“Probably best to start with Charlie.”

“I dunno Dean,” A door behind us opened and a cold chill slipped down my spine.

“Morning,” His husky voice floated across the living room. “He still asleep?”

“Yeah, mate,” Dean chuckled. “Probably be like this for hours.”

“Grace.” I turned slowly in my seat. Charlie was stood outside his door.

Charlie was shirtless…

Shirtless.

Wait, were those abs? He had abs. Jesus

Christ he looks good. Not important Grace. 

“Can I talk to you?” I nodded my head, not trusting my voice. Charlie nodded his head back towards his room. “In private?”

“She won’t be a tick, just gonna finish some food. Then I’ll send her in.” Dean motioned to the plate between us. “Can’t pass up a fry up.” I kept looking at Dean as the door to Charlie’s room shut once again.

“Charlie has abs…”

“Is that really where your mind is right now Grace?” I shook my head,

“You’re right, sorry…” I cleared my throat. “Think it’s too much if I jump out the window?” Dean shrugged.

“Third story, you’d probably live to tell the tale.”

“But I would escape talking to Charlie,”

“For now,” He shrugged again.

“For now,” I repeated poking the egg. “What do you think he wants to talk to me about?”

“Knowing Charlie, probably just wants to make sure you’re okay.” He pulled the plate away from me. “He’s a good dude, Grace.”

“I know,”

“Now go in there and see what he wants.” He stabbed another mushroom, “Come back and we can gossip over some tea and biscuits later,” Dean winked at me a cheeky gleam in his eyes.

“Pray for me.”

“My hands are already clasped in prayer.” I rolled my eyes and pushed away from the counter.

“Liar,” I stood up and slowly crept past George on the settee, and over to Charlie’s door. Did I really want to do this? Have this conversation? Honestly jumping out the window seems funner, and less painful than this.

“Just fucking knock already.”

“Fuck off Dean,” I called back before reaching out knuckles wrapping against the hardwood.

“Come in.” I pushed the door open and stepped inside. I’d not been inside Charlie’s room before, but it was cleaner than I expected. “You didn’t have to knock Grace.” He was laying on his bed. Still without a shirt, but now he was reading a book.

“It’s a habit.” He scooted across the bed a little, motioning to the space beside him. I stood still by the door,

“You don’t have to stand there like a statue,”

“Right, of course.” I stumbled, watching from across the room as he looked to the empty spot beside him. I walked towards him, slowly lowering myself beside him.

_Rest in peace Grace._

As we lay side by side I was careful to make sure we didn't touch. His bed was soft, and smelt of him.

~~_That was the thing I’d learnt about Charlie, he always smelt good._ ~~

“We should talk about it.” Here it comes. Take a deep breath Grace.

“Do we have to?”

“I think it’s important that we do.” I felt him shuffle beside me. I kept my eyes on the ceiling. “We nearly kissed Grace, and I’m sure had MacKay not burst through the door we would have… In fact, I know we would have because I wouldn’t have stopped myself” _Holy shit._ “I’m attracted to you, Grace.” _What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?_

“Charlie.”

“I know we’re roommates, had this been a different time, and we didn’t have to live under the same roof, I’m sure I would have been content with one night with you.” My breath hitched a little. “One night with you however I wanted.”

“I’m sure that you wouldn’t really want that.”

“You’re right, I have this strange feeling that I would have always wanted more.” I finally turned to look at him. He was looking up at the ceiling. “But we can’t, and I get that. It’s rational.” Finally, he looked at me. “MacKay… I think he likes you as well. He wasn’t exactly pleased with what he saw last night.”

“Really?” A harsh nod. George liked me?

“You should go for it.” He looked back at the ceiling. “When you’re ready to of course.”

“I’m sorry I tried to kiss you…” My voice came out just above a whisper.

“I’m not.”

“Charlie,”

“What are you going to do about George? He wants to speak to you.” He cut me off,

“He does?”

“Yeah. Think he wants to apologise.”

“He’s still passed out,”

“He drank a lot.”

“We all did.” I sat up. Turning to look down at Charlie. “I’ll leave you alone now.” He didn’t say anything, he just nodded his head. I got up and walked to the door. “Charlie.”

“Yeah.” He looked away from the ceiling.

“I’m sure that I would have always wanted more too.” I pulled the door open. “If we’d had the chance.”

“Guess we’ll never really know.”

“I suppose not.” I shut the door behind me. My head resting against the wood once it’d closed.

“There you are.” I looked over to where Dean was still standing in the kitchen, this time George was sitting in my forgotten seat, a plate of food in front of him. “What’d Hudson want?”

“To make sure I was okay,” I held my head up high as I walked across the room, going past both of them and back into my bedroom. If what Charlie was saying about George was right, it wouldn’t be long before he knocked on the door.

_Stay strong Grace. I know he’s hot, but you can do this. You can do this. Grace._

“Grace, babe?” George’s voice floated through the door with a loud knock. I waited a second before opening it. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Just go in already,” Dean called from the kitchen, “Jesus.”

“Can I…” My cheeks turned scarlet as George looked into my empty room. “I’ll be quick,” I pulled it open wider stepping back so he could get in. “I am so sorry.” I shut the door behind him when he was inside. “I don’t know where to start.”

“You left me, George.”

“I know.”

“You said you wouldn’t though.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t even want to go,”

“I know,”

“I went because you wanted me to go,”

“I know.”

“Will you stop saying that,” I snapped, pacing back and forth, “The thing is George, I wouldn’t have cared if you’d just told me you wanted to hook up with her, that you’d changed your mind about not pulling a girl, but you just… bailed,”

“I know.” I sent him a death glare. He took a deep breath and sat down on my bed.

“Grace, I’m sorry. Okay, fuck." He took a deep breath. "I fucked up, Really bad.” He turned to look at me. “What can I do to get you to forgive me? I can take you to lunch, or we can go explore.”

“You don’t have to do anything.”

“I want too.” He reached out and pulled me towards him. His arms wrapping around my waist. “Please, let me.”

“Fine.”

“Fine? That’s all I get?” I gave him a pointed look.

“You’re lucky you’re getting that,”

“I’ll take it.” He smiled up at me. “Lunch, on Sunday. I’ll pick you up, and then we can go exploring.” And that was all it took for me to forgive him.

“Okay.”


	10. September 21st 2011

**September 21st 2011**

Dear Future Grace,

September 21st, commemorate it every year, not for ending up with a boyfriend, but for the day George officially put you int he friend zone, not the end zone.

_** Congratulations. ** _

Even though just the other day Charlie was telling me all about his hunch, I am now 99.99% sure George does not like me, but then there’s that other 00.01% that keeps on sneaking into my mind. Keeping me going, it might even be enough to keep me sane in the friend zone for a while.

Sunday as a whole was rough, it started rough, and it ended rough.

Minutes before George arrived to pick me up, at eleven o’clock, Charlie had emerged from his room with a blonde girl following out behind him. I wouldn’t have thought anything more of it, had she not been wearing his shirt, and no pants, honestly I wouldn’t have noticed she was even in the flat if she and Charlie hadn’t emerged from his room while I was in the living room, his hair tousled as if someone had run their hands through it endless time, her probably, and hers a mess atop of her head.

“Hi,” I awkwardly waved at the pair as I pulled on my coat.

“Elle, this is my roommate, Grace,” Charlie plopped down on the couch, grabbing the packet of cigarettes he and Dean were working their way through. “Grace, this is Elle… She’s in mine and MacKay’s course,”

Ever since _the incident_ Charlie had begun acting weird, we’d not had a proper conversation in over three days, he’d taken to calling George MacKay all the time, and now he was bringing home random girls to have sex with, not that he couldn’t do that, but I don’t know it just didn’t seem like him.

“ _This_ is Grace?”

“Problem?” I clenched my teeth trying to give her a smile, I didn’t like the way she said my name or the emphasis she put on ‘this’,

“Not at all, George had mentioned you a couple of times through the week.”

“I didn’t realise you knew George,” _For fuck's sake, it’s only been a week since Uni started, I’m surprised you even knew Charlie’s name._

“Yeah, my friend April introduced us the other night,” She smiled as a light tap sounded.

“Speak of the devil,” Charlie draped lazily, the cigarette between his lips, “And he shall appear,” The knock came again, “Better get that, don’t want to miss out on your date,”

“Not a date,”

“Does he know that?”

“Don’t be like that Charlie,”

“How bout I get the door,” Ellie stood up, tugging the short shirt down her thighs.

“Thanks anyway, but I can get it.” I looked at Charlie. “Don’t want to disrupt your time with Charlie,” I smiled and spun on my heel, walking to the door pulling it open. “Hey,”

“Heya Babe, you alright.” George smiled down at me. I nodded my head and tried to pull the door shut behind me. “Ellie?” George looked past me. “What are you doing here?”

“Charlie invited me over to study…” George nodded his head. He got the message loud and clear.“April said to say hi if I saw you,”

“Yeah?” Ellie nodded her head, “Tell her the same, yeah?” He turned back to me, smiling down at me. “Should we go?”

“Please.” I breathed, head nodding. “See you later Charlie.” I looked over my shoulder at the couple. “Great meeting you Ellie,” George grabbed my hand and pulled me through the door and into the hallway.

“Didn’t know they were a thing,”

“Me either, I didn’t even know he had her over till about five minutes ago.” George shrugged his shoulders, stopping us as we reached the elevator.

“Probably just wanted a fuck,”

“George,” I smacked his shoulder playfully.

“Let me get a look at you.” He smiled looking over me, I was suddenly self-conscious of how I was dressed. Should I have dressed up more? Dressed down a little? Shown more skin? _Fuck_ why did I just wear jeans and a plain shirt? “Beautiful,” My cheeks flushed as the doors opened, George extending his hand for me to enter first.

“Where are we going today?”

“I thought we could explore a little, grab some lunch.”

“Are we going to find the Loch Ness Monster?”

“If you’re lucky,” He chuckled. “First for lunch I thought we could try this pub that Henry told me about.” _Henry,_ I hadn’t seen him since he walked me home after the party the other night.

“How is Henry?”

“He’s good.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “He told me that you know?”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t care?”

“Should I?” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Is he happy?” George nodded his head. “Then that’s all that matters isn’t it? He’s not hurting me George so why should I care who he loves?” My eyes turned into slits. _Don’t ruin how I feel about you George by being as narrow-minded as —_

“There she is.” _What the fuck?_ “The Grace Finley from Ben Daniels roof… She’s still in there isn’t she?” He tapped my forehead. “The little spitfire,”

“What are you talking about?”

“I dunno Grace, you started acting… Weird.” He crossed his arms. “I thought I’d lost the girl who’d laughed at my pickup lines, skulled half a bottle of vodka and literally fell onto the roof, and was gaining another Stalker Sarah type.” _Charlie lied, he doesn’t like you._ I turned looking straight at the doors. Praying them to open already.

“You thought I had a crush on you?” _Fucking open you metal death trap._ “George,” I tutted.

“Stupid, right.”

“Least you’ve got that backup modelling career in the mix, case the university thing doesn’t work out.”

“Christ,” He breathed out as the doors open. “Can I just say how relieved I am that you don’t have a crush on me Grace?” Oh buddy, if only you knew. “I thought I was losing my best girl.”

“M’sorry you felt that way George, but I can assure you.” _Do it Grace. Protect yourself. Survival of the fittest,_ “Even if you tried ten thousand of your horrible pick up lines on me, none of them would work.”

“Grace…”

“We’re friends George, nothing more.”

_Note to self, go back and pick up heart when you’ve got a moment to yourself._

“Good because I can’t do this Uni thing without you.” He shook his head as he pushed open the door. “Are my pickup lines really that bad?”

“Let’s put it this way.” I pushed open the door stepping out into the chilly mid-morning air. “Your pickup lines, blow up harder than the meteor that killed the dinosaurs.”

“Harsh.”

“Deserved.” I stopped at the curb. “They’re really that bad.”

“This way,” George started walking down the street. “Why’d you really run out at the party?”

“What can I say, I’m dramatic.” He chuckled. “I mean it, the moment I saw Sarah and Julian on George’s mums bloody floral settee, I wanted to burn it.”

“Safer for society considering what happened on it.”

“Should have poured the vodka on it rather than down my throat.” I chuckled.

“I could have supplied you with a match, or a cigarette to drop on it.” _Excellent job Grace, you’ve distracted him._ “Were you embarrassed you’d kissed Charlie?” _Perhaps not,_

“I didn’t kiss Charlie.” We stopped at a set of lights. “We were just waiting out the time of that stupid game.”

“Looked like you kissed him.”

“Are you seeing her again?” Perfect segway.

“Who?”

“May?”

“Do you mean April? Bloody hell Grace.”

“April, of course. So sorry,” I batted my eyelashes as I stepped out across the street leaving him to chuckle behind me. 

“No, you’re not.” He shook his head. “But no, I don’t think so.”

_There’s that 00.01% chance creeping in._

“Too smart for you?”

“No.”

“Too clingy?” I clapped my hands together. “Oh I know, she’s not enough of a stalker.” George chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’ll give her Sarah’s number, they can exchange notes, and perhaps… perhaps she can level up to Sarah.” I held my hand against my heart. “It’d be my honour.”

“You’re being sarcastic today.”

“You said you missed the Grace you met on the roof.”

“You said that Grace was only that way because of the vodka she’d drunk.”

“Vodka based Grace and water-based Grace are both the same level of sarcastic, water-based Grace is just better at hiding it.”

“Perfect.”

“Why don’t you want to see her again?” _Good. Act like you care about her Grace._

“She wasn’t a great kisser.” I stopped, feet dead on the footpath. “What?”

“Are you serious George? You’re not going to call her because you didn’t like how she kissed you?” I shook my head.

“What, she had washing machine tongue.”

“Oh.”

“You get it then?”

“Julian had washing machine mouth.”

“See and you two broke up.”

“Nuh-uh, We broke up because he kissed my best friend.”

“Ex.”

“Right, Thank you. He kissed my ex-best-friend.”

“With that washing machine mouth, you see where I’m going with this don’t you.” George pushed open the door to the pub I wasn’t even aware we’d arrived at. “Washing machine syndrome is a real issue plaguing todays society.”

“That’s not a problem plaguing today's society George, admit it. You kissed and ditched her because your dick didn’t get hard when she kissed you.”

“Hi, I’m Tom.” George and I both stopped talking. Before us stood a boy, about our age. “Sorry to interrupt your conversation. Seemed pretty lively.”

“It’s fine, sorry we didn’t realise you were there.” George chuckled.

“Don't worry, you two seemed to be having a very… heated discussion.” He grabbed two menus. “Just the two of you?”

“Just the two.”

“Great, if you and your girlfriend will follow me, I’ll take you to your table, and your waitress will be over shortly.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“We’re friends.”

“The best kind,” George added throwing an arm around my shoulder. Tom chuckled and held his hands up in the air.

“If you two best-friends will follow me.” He corrected with a laugh. “Your waitress will be over shortly.” George and I followed Tom to our table, it was a small booth seat and we were able to tuck ourselves away in the corner.

“He’s cute.”George whispered as we sat down. “Your type right?”

“How do you know my type?”

“Brainy, nerdy looking guy.” He looked over to where Tom was seating another couple. “A nice safe guy. The opposite of Julian McDonald”

_But he’s not you._

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“He doesn’t look like the type of guy who’d like to stay up until three in the morning talking.”

“Grace, the only people awake at three in the morning are in love, lonely, drunk or all three.”

“Well, maybe I want to add a fourth category to the people up at three AM.” George shook his head.

“You’re one of a kind Grace Finley.”

“So they tell me.” I leant forward on the table. “I don’t want to be that friend, but can we cut today a little short? I just thought about all the things I have to do before class tomorrow and I’m stressing out.”

“Rain check instead?” A cheeky smile slipped onto George’s lips. “That way you’ll have to see me again.”

_If only you knew just how much I wanted to see you, George._


	11. September 29th, 2011

**September 29th, 2011**

Dear Diary, 

Sorry, I haven’t had the chance to write much over the last few days, Classes have just started and things are crazy. 

But here is the cliff notes version. 

  * Living with two boys is easier than I thought it would be, both Dean and Charlie are respectful, and I haven't seen any stray penis' yet, which is a good thing.
  * Charlie is still seeing that girl, Ellie... As much as I hate to admit it, she is really nice. Even if she is over far too much for my liking... Sometimes a girl just wants to come home from class, have a red wine and sit on her settee without having to engage in small talks with her roommate’s booty calls until she and said roommate disappear into the bedroom, only to reappear hours later, both dishevelled. 
  * Henry and I have gotten to be good friends, we walk to class together nearly every morning - mostly talking about boys - mostly George. 
  * Speaking of George, after lunch the other day I came home, spent a solid hour in my bedroom crying before I being summoned to the living room where I had to pretend my heart hadn't been ripped out of my chest, trodden on and stitched back in, ONLY to have to spend the next hour and a bit watching the first Harry Pitter movie with Dean, George, Charlie, Ellie and Henry - Let me tell you, sitting between a guy who you nearly… well, you remember, and a guy you want to kiss is not a comfortable experience. 



It’s going to be a great year, I can tell already. 


	12. October 13th, 2011

**October 13th, 2011**

Dear Diary,

So it’s been fourteen days since I last updated you. That is fourteen days since I had to sit between George **_and_** Charlie for **159** whole minutes. Shoulders bumping against one and other any time either of us shuffled. 

Don’t even get me started on how uncomfortable it was to listen to Charlie whisper in Elle’s ear as she hung over her lap when not even a week prior he and I were curled up with one and other about to make out on some random’s bed. 

George and I are okay. As far as he know’s we’re just friends. I don’t have a crush on him. 

Did you read that? 

~~**_ I do not have a crush on him.  _ ** ~~

_** ~~I do not have a crush on him.~~ ** _

School’s pretty good, going okay. A lot of course work, but what else should I have expected when I decided to study medicine? 

Not sure if I really want to keep doing it, but for now. It’s all I’ve got going for me. 

The big event that everyone is looking forward to this month is Halloween. That guy who threw the party, you know the one where _‘the incident’_ happened is throwing another huge bash. 

Charlie, Dean, Henry, George, Ellie, Jordan and I have decided to go as comic book characters, and right now I’m tossing up between Scarlett Witch, Black Widow, Poison Ivy or Batgirl.

I'm still not sure though.

Villain or Hero?


	13. October 18th, 2011

**October 18th, 2011**

Dear Diary, 

Finally decided on the costumes for the Halloween party, well Ellie did - She's studying costuming so she's taken to making everyone's costumes, except for Henry, Dean and Jordan who'd already found their costumes, 

She's going to be Bat Girl, George is going as the Joker, Charlie is going to be Batman, Henry is his Robin, Dean's going to be Superman, Jordan is the Riddler, and I'm going as Poison Ivy. 

Not my first choice, if I'm being honest, but I don't really have it in me to argue with them all, especially with how insane classes have been. 

Talk to you soon. 


	14. October 23rd, 2011

**October 23rd, 2011**

Dear Diary, 

This costume…. _Christ on a bike…_

I know the saying goes _don't judge a book by its cover,_ but this costume... I can't **not** judge it.

I'm not saying Ellie's designs awful, or anything other than beautiful, because that's not it at all, but this costume is just **not** me. Even the drawings she's shown me, I can tell that this costume is a complete 180 from what I'd wear and feel comfortable in. 

Speaking of Ellie, she’s still being nice enough. She and Charlie are still seeing one and other - They’ve toned their PDA down to a minimum, thank GOD, Dean and I have had to stop each other, and ourselves from throwing a bucket of cold water over them once or twice. ~~six times.~~

Charlie’s started speaking to me again, which is good. We’re almost past that awkward, ‘We nearly made out, but we didn’t, but we would have if we’d had the chance’ stage, which is good. 

We’ve got two days until the Halloween party, and that means two days until I need to wear this ridiculous costume. 

Save me,


	15. October 26th, 2011

**October 26th, 2011**

Dear future Grace, 

_Congratulations_. You’re a fucking idiot. 

The biggest idiot, If all the idiots of the world, moved into a community together, created a nation. You’d be their fucking Queen… 

Perhaps in your years of maturing, you’ve become less of an idiot, though with how we behaved last night I’d doubt it.

Let’s recap shall we? 

**October 25th, 2011**

_Its Halloween, and I’m sweating like a pig. Absolutely sweating,_ I don’t know how else to put it. 

The costume Ellie had designed and made me fit like a glove. Perhaps too much like a glove. The green bodysuit was embellished with ivy leaves and gold glitter, a garland of flowers wrapped around my waist.

“Grace? Are you ready?” Ellie’s voice called through the door. “Do you need help with a hook or something?” 

“No, I’m fine… I just… Can you send… Can you send Henry in? Just need to talk to him for a second.” I called still looking at myself in the mirror. My breath hitched again as I pictured myself walking out into the living room where everyone was waiting. There was nowhere to hide anything in this outfit, nothing to cover my insecurities over my stomach, my thighs, nothing. 

“You right babe?” Henry smiled as he peeked around the door. I looked away from the mirror, turning my head over my shoulder. “What’s the matter?” He stepped around the door, shutting it behind him.

“How do you know if you’re having an anxiety attack?” I moved my hands up and down, shaking my head. “Because I think I’m having one.”

“What?” 

“God, I’m stupid.” I shook my head. “How stupid was I to think I could walk out those doors and pretend this was me? That I would ever be comfortable showing this much skin, I haven’t shown this much skin since I was born.” I leant forward, stomach suddenly turning “Everyone is going to laugh at me.” 

“What was that?” 

“I can’t do this Henry.” I motioned down to the costume. “I can’t go out there in this, I look horrible.” 

“Are you mental?” He grabbed onto my shoulders and put me in front of the mirrors. “You look fantastic Grace.” 

_“Are you mental?”_ I shot back at him. “How am I supposed to walk out there and face everyone? I’ve seen how Ellie looks, how all you boys look… How am I supposed to stand next to her, next to any of you.” I whispered trying to keep my voice down. 

“Firstly, you look ten times better than she does. Secondly, I don’t think anyone will be looking at any of us with you there.” He ran a hand comfortingly down my arm. “Come ere’.” He pulled me into his chest, arms wrapping around me. “You’re going to walk out of this room, and every set of eyes are going to be on you, no matter their sexual preference.” He pushed me back so he could look down at me. “You look amazing, I promise you, Grace.” 

“Henry…”

“Just trust me Grace.” He smiled. “You ready?” 

“I think so,” I nodded my head. “Thanks.” 

“We’ll do it together.” He pulled me towards the door. “You really do look fantastic Grace.”

“You’re just saying that so we can leave.” He cracked a smile and shook his head.

“I bloody am not.” 

“Let’s go in there, the parties started.” Jordan’s voice boomed through the door. “What are you guy’s doing in there, fucking?” 

“Shut the fuck up Jordan.” I heard Dean yell. “Show some damn respect.” 

“I’m ready,” I called back taking a deep breath through my nose watching as Henry pulled open the door. The fluorescent light from the kitchen hurt my eyes as I stepped out.“Sorry, I just needed him for a minute.” I looked over Dean and Jordan. “Nice costume boys.” I smiled at Jordan’s question mark suit and Dean’s fake muscles. 

“Fuck me…Grace,” Jordan shook his head. 

“Is it too much?” I looked to Ellie who was smiling her head off. “Ellie said it was what she wore in the comics?”

“It is.” She piped up, her black cape swaying around her body. “It’s made off multiple illustrations I saw when I was researching.” 

“Grace,” I turned to George whose eyes were on my chest… “You look.” He cleared his throat shrugging off his velvet purple dress coat. “You might need this.” He stumbled over his words. “Cold out,” I stepped forward and took the jacket. “Do you need help.” He moved behind me and helped me slip the jacket on. “You look…” He started again, words cutting off. 

“Let’s go, shall we? MacKay is officially lost for words.” I turned to Charlie, his eyes were on my face. I couldn’t help myself but give him what I’m sure was a pathetic half-smile as George finished helping me with his jacket. 

“You all look great.” I looked over the group. Ellie looked gorgeous in her Bat Girl outfit standing beside Charlie with his black batman costume. “I’m sure you guys will get all the girls tonight.” I smiled at Dean and Jordan in their Superman and Riddler outfits. 

“What about me?” George whispered in my ear, I turned around and looked at him. Even in his own version of Heath Ledger’s Joker costume, he looked unbelievably hot. 

“We got two cars this time,” Charlie called again. “C’mon Ellie,” I turned in time to see him pulling Ellie towards the door as he spoke, nearly running down the hallway. 

“Guess he can’t wait to get a drink.” Henry chuckled holding the door open for the rest of us as we filed out. 

“Never seen him run so bloody fast,” Dean added. “Not even on the field,” He chuckled.

“We should hurry. The cabs are probably waiting.” I smiled at Henry linking our arms together. “Ride with me?” I looked up at him, waiting for his answer.

“I’ll ride with you Grace,” Henry and I both turned to look at Jordan as he levelled up beside us. “You look hot tonight Grace.”

“Don’t even try it, Jordan.” Dean’s hand grabbed onto his shoulder pulling him backwards. “For that comment, you’re with Charlie and Ellie.”

“Don’t do that to me, I don’t want to be with the PDA King and Queen.”

“Shouldn’t have been a prick then.” He chuckled throwing an arm around his shoulder.

“Enjoy the kiss, kiss, kissing.” He chuckled pulling the shorter guy in closer.

“C’mon let’s go party,” I called sarcastically to the group as I pulled Henry even faster down the hallway, to what I’m sure was a night of pure misery and horrible mistakes. 

* * *

_Stale piss and old tennis shoes._

From the minute we walked in the door’s it’s all I could smell, and no matter how much this place was scrubbed from top to bottom, I was sure the scent was never going to leave. No matter how much bleach was poured on the floor, scrubbed over the surfaces it would forever smell like stale piss and sweaty tennis shoes. 

At least to me, Maybe it doesn’t to other people. Maybe to others, it’s still a place of joy, and happiness no matter the smell, but to me, it was the same mundane, piss scented house I’d almost kissed Charlie in. I know people come here to find love at the bottom of a whiskey filled glass, hoping for a night of meaningless passionless, lust-driven sex. Maybe sometimes they find it, maybe they don’t, but for me, this was not the place I wanted to spend my evening. 

The living room had been stripped of all its furniture, people stood on the empty floor and danced their way to the current pop hits. Couples smashed up against the wall hooking up with each other as shitty Christmas lights created a ‘mood’ I could only describe as a third class strip club you saw in those b-grade movies. 

“Come on Grace, at least pretend to have fun.” Henry pulled at my hand, “This could be your promise land, any of these boys could be yours for the night.” He motioned around us as guys in costumes looked girls up and down as if they were some sort of meat on display at a butcher. “Maybe more, if you’re lucky.” He winked at me. 

“I feel naked. This is not a promised land, where I can meet new and interesting people, hold intelligent conversations with people. All it is a place for twenty-something-year-olds to come in the chance of getting a quick lay.” I bit back stomping my hell on the toes of some passerby who decided to grab my ass. “I’m going to get a drink,” I yelled over the loud obnoxious music. “I need to be wasted to be here.” 

“I’ll come,” George called over the music, grabbing onto my elbow as he began to lead me away. 

“As long as it ends up with me drinking alcohol that’s fine with me,” I called to him, watching as a girl shamelessly looked George up and down as we passed by her. “You looking for a girl tonight?”

“Are you offering?” He smirked over his shoulder. 

“Not me, the mouse back by the stairwell would be interested though, if you’re looking for someone I’m sure of it.” He stopped looking behind me to where the girl dressed as a mouse was pouting. 

“Not for me,”

“No?”

“No,” He grabbed onto my hand and gave it a quick squeeze. “I’m with you all night.”

“I’ve heard that before,” I muttered pushing past George and into the kitchen. I stopped midway through and examined the safest, less intrusive way to get to the counter where all the drinks were set up.

“You playing the games tonight?” George called into my ear, his breath hitting my lower neck as his hands fell onto my waist. 

“What are the games?” 

“Usual ones I think.” He tapped his hand against my hip and used his strength to drive me forward towards where two guys were handing out bottles of drink. “Cider?”

“Please.” 

“MacKay.” The guy smiled and clapped their hands together. “How ya doing man?” I began to fiddle with my costume, pulling at some of the garlands of ivy. “You two want a drink?”

“Cider.” George nodded. “This is Grace.” George pulled me forward, under his arm. “Grace, this is Dylan, and Kane they’re in a class with Charlie and me.” He pulled me in tighter, like a proud mother showing off their golden child. “Grace and I are from the same town.”

“Nice to meet you both.” I smiled awkwardly reaching out to take one of the offered bottles from Kane. 

“Nice costume Grace, big fan of Ivy.” Kane smiled, his face hidden behind half of a Jason mask, “You might just have the best costume in the bag.”

“Oh no, I don’t want that.” I shook my head. “Like, at all.” 

“Really?” He raised his mask off his face, pushing it up to his head. “Most girls are looking to win.”

“Not this one,” I grimaced. “Literally the last thing I want.”

“Grace, there you are.” Dean walked by and grabbed my shoulder pulling me to him “Need to borrow her for a second.” He looked at George. “Roommate stuff.” 

“What’s wrong?” I grabbed his hand pulling him to a stop. “You okay?” 

“You gotta come with me.” He shook his head trying to walk again. I waved at George, Kane and Jason as I let Dean pull me away. 

“Where are we going, Dean?”

“You gotta see this.” He shook his head, pulling me towards the stairs. “Knew I didn’t like her for a reason.” 

“Like who?”

“Ellie,” He shouted stopping us at the bottom. He pointed upwards towards where people climbed up and down. “See the couple making out? Halfway up the stairs.” I squinted, trying to find who he was talking about. “Costume look familiar?” My eyes caught it, Ellie’s batgirl costume, wrapped around someone who definitely wasn’t batman… Someone who definitely wasn’t Charlie. 

“No fucking way,” 

“What are you two staring at?” 

“No one,” I shouted. “I mean, nothing.” I grabbed onto Charlie and pulled him into me, his back to the stairwell. 

“Grace, what are you doing?” 

“I just need a hug.” I held Charlie’s head to my chest, watching as Elle continues to make out with the stranger. “How are you doing?” I asked pulling him tighter. 

_“Mefh hefd if in four fits.”_

“Huh?” 

_“Mefh hefd if in four fits.”_

“What?”

“He said, My head, is in your tits,” Dean cleared his throat. “I’m pretty sure.”

“Oh.” I pushed him away, head moving out of my cleavage. “Sorry.” I dropped my arms and held them behind my back. 

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, you know parties, aren’t really my thing.” 

“Right.” He nodded his head, biting his lips. “You seen Ellie?”

“No, not me… Dean, have you seen them?”

“Them?”

“Not them, her,” I shouted, correcting. 

“You okay?” He raised his eyebrow. 

“Peachy… Dean.” 

“No, haven’t… Sorry mate.”

“Why don’t we swipe a bottle of vodka and go have a smoke,” I suggested looking up the stairs anxiously.

“You don’t smoke…” George popped up over my shoulder shaking a bottle of vodka.

"Only when she drinks vodka," He smirked at Charlie,

“Then let's start.” I smiled at George picking the vodka out of his hand. “Oh look at that, I’m double parked.” I brought the bottle of Cider to my lips downing the contents quickly. 

“You sure you’re okay?” I nodded as Charlie looked into my eyes. _Don’t crack Grace, do not crack._

“Roof?” George suggested taking the vodka back from me.

“Yeah, maybe we’ll see Ellie on the way.” Charlie piped up. 

“Last I saw her, she was at the bar talking to one of the girls from her class, Laura I think.” George rattled on as I peaked up the staircase to see Ellie’s disappearing figure bounce up the top step. 

“Maybe I should look for her.” 

“No come on, let’s have a drink together… C’mon Charlie you’ve been ignoring me for ages, surely I deserve some quality roommate time.” I pouted pulling on his cape. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“Just enjoying the party,” I grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the staircase if this were any other time I would have been caught up with how it feels holding onto Charlie’s hand, but this was another time, and I was trying to stop him from being hurt. “Up we go.”

_Sweat. Smoke. Alcohol. Body Odour._

That’s all that I could smell wherever I went, wherever I turned. Around me bodies moved pushing themselves up against any surface they could, grabbing onto other people as their bodies gyrated against another person. Even as we made our way up the stairs towards the roof. I could see the door it was so close. 

“There she is.” Charlie’s resistance pulled me to a sudden stop. “Ellie,” He waved his arms above his head. “Roof.” He called to her pointing upwards. “Five minutes,” I watched as she nodded her head, smiling sweetly.

~~Smiling as if the bitch hadn’t just had her tongue down some other guys throat.~~

“What’s going on?” George whispered in my ear, hand resting on my hip.

“Ellie and some guy,” I was cut off by Charlie who drew back to me. “She coming?”

“Yeah,” He nodded his head, a ridiculous smile coming to his lips. 

“Great,” I gifted my teeth grabbing the bottle of George, twisting the cap off. “Let’s go then.” 

“Grace, don’t drink all of it, you know what happens.” George chided as I pushed myself faster up the stairs, the bottle still to my lips as the liquid burnt my throat a little dribbled down my chin and down my chest. 

“What happens?” Dean asked George as I stepped out onto the roof. I looked around to him as the three of them stepped out behind me. George smiled at me, heartwarming…

_No, Grace, that’s just the vodka talking._

“She tries to burn down settees.” George chuckled. 

“Only floral ones who belong to mothers.” I corrected passing the bottle to Charlie.

“George, do you have any smokes?”

“You are going all out tonight Grace.” He raised an eyebrow, pulling his packet from the top pocket of his dress shirt, passing it to me. 

“Call it self destruction,” I began to sway from side to side, feeling the vodka take over my body as my hips began to move to the loud Nelly song that played downstairs. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dance Grace.” Dean laughed as he drank from his beer bottle, taking the bottle of vodka Charlie offered him as he lent against the side of the house. 

“Dance with me?” I called out to him.

“Don’t dance.” He laughed shaking his head. “Unless I’m planning on sleeping with the girl.”

“No matter what I do, All I think about is you.” I began singing swaying my hips, playing with the ends of George’s jacket. “I haven’t heard this song in years.” I laughed at myself grabbing onto the jacket and pulling it off my shoulders. “Even when I’m with my boo all I think about is you.” I threw the jacket towards Dean and smiled over at Charlie who’d taken the bottle back off Dean. “Sing it with me, Charlie.”

“I’d rather enjoy the show.” He smiled looking me up and down as my hips continued to move. 

“Spoilsport.” I pouted swaying my hips regardless. “George?” 

“I don’t really dance, or sing.” 

“I can teach you.” He beamed at me as he walked towards me before grabbing my hand pulling me to him. 

“Didn’t know you liked Nelly?” 

“I don’t usually.” I shrugged and started to sway side to side, “But I’m pretty much half-naked, so I may as well make more of a spectacle of myself than usual.“ 

“You look the best out of anyone here,” George whispered in my ear before grabbing my hands and started to pull them above my head and make me move more freely.

“Shake it, baby.” Dean catcalled to George and me. 

“There you guy’s are.” George and I pulled apart looking over to Ellie who burst out onto the roof, a guy, _the guy she was making out with_ trailing behind her. “This is my friend Oliver.” Oliver was dressed as Al Capone, the complete opposite to sweet, sweet Charlie. 

“You right mate.” Charlie reached out and shook his hand. 

“Fucker,” I whispered, hands falling to George’s chest. 

“What was that?” George chuckled. 

“Huh,” I looked away from Oliver and up to George. “Oh, nothing. I’ll tell you later.”

“Or you could tell me now.” He whispered back. 

“You two alright? Whispering like mothers over there.” Oliver laughed as he walked towards us he extended his hand out towards George. “Oliver,”

“George.” George grabbed his hand and shot up and down in quick succession before turning his head to me.

“I’m Grace.” 

“Nice to meet you, Grace.” 

“I wish I could say the same.” 

“Excuse me?” Olivers face shrivelled in confusion. 

“Grace.” George chastised me. 

“I think what she meant was, it’s more than nice to meet you…” Dean pushed off the wall and walked over to us. “She’s always looking to make friends.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Isn’t that right, Grace.” I pushed my lips together, holding my tongue between my teeth before nodding. 

“Lovely to meet you even.” I managed to mutter out after an awkward beat passed between us. “You know what, I heard the games are starting soon, and dancing.” I looked across to George. “Should we dance? We should dance.” I nodded my head. “Dean?” 

“Yeah, we should dance.” 

“Thought you said you didn’t dance,” Charlie called out to Dean. 

“Gotta find a girl somehow, mate.” 

“They’re having a competition actually,” Oliver started. “You get a number, whoever gets the same number as you, is your partner, and whoever is best wins like 200 quid or something like that.” 

“Great, shall we.” Dean looked over at Elle and Charlie. “You two love birds coming?” 

“You want too?”

“Yeah,” Ellie smiled wrapping a hand around Charlie’s waist. 

“You three go down, just need to talk to these two for a minute.” George blocked Dean and I. “Won’t be a tick.” 

“No worries, make it quick yeah? Don’t want to miss the games.” Called Oliver as he opened the door for Charlie and Ellie. As soon as it shut George spun to us.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Don’t worry mate, just leave it.”

“Grace?” 

“Don’t tell him Grace, it’ll only make it worse.”

“Make what worse?” 

“Grace.” Dean spurned. “We can tell him another time.” I nodded my head. 

“Another time, George.” 

“Are you serious?” George’s jaw was pretty much hanging open. “Grace, you can trust me.”

“I know, I know, but trust me when I saw this is for the greater good.” I grabbed onto his hand. “I promise, tomorrow we will tell you everything.” George was quiet for a second, I could tell he was deliberating between continuing the argument or succumbing to finding out the next day. 

“Fine.” He cleared his throat, throwing the burnt-out cigarette on the ground. “Let’s go find a drink, then play this game.” 

“Or we could just chug the rest of the vodka between us and then go find them?” Dean suggested. 

And that is exactly how we ended up squished into the living room while a slightly overweight Darth Vader read out the rules of the dance competition. 

“The name of the game is ‘Sex on the dance floor’ with that name in mind you and your partner must be touching at all times, but you are not permitted to have sex. You and your partner stop touching, you’re out.” He stopped reading and pointed around the room. “Anyone dressed in a Clone costume.” A guy in a white suit waved. “Is a judge, you get tapped, you leave. Simple.” 

“So he says,” Dean whispered in between mine and George’s head. “He’s clearly never tried to dirty dance with a stiff before.” 

“A stiff what?” I hissed back, eyes keeping on Vader. 

“Grace.” Dean chuckled. “You’re too cute.” 

“When you all walked in, you were given a slip of paper, open them up.” Dean, George and I opened our papers. “Find your partner, we start in five.”

“Number fourteen.” I read aloud. Peaking over to Deans. “Number thirty-two… How many people are in this completion.” 

“A lot.” He looked at George’s. "Fifteen.” _So close._

“There you guy’s are.” I looked up from my paper to see Charlie, Oliver and Ellie pushing their way through the crowd. 

“What numbers did you get?” Ellie held the crisp white paper in front of her. “Oliver and I got number six.” 

“Fourteen.”

“Fifteen.”

“Thirty-two.” George, Dean and I chorused. “Any match up?” He grabbed Charlie’s.

“Twenty-eight… Damn… Imagine if you have to grind and bump with a guy, who wasn’t me.”

“It’d break my heart,” Charlie chuckled pulling Dean into a headlock. 

“Sorry.” A guy pushed his torso into our group. “Did someone here say they had Fourteen?” I nodded my head. “My girlfriend is fourteen,”

“Oh. That’s cool.” 

“Grace, babe.” George laughed. “I think he wants to swap,”

“Oh, yeah. Shit of course.” I gave him the slip and took the one he held out in return.

“Twenty-one.” 

“How are we going to find these numbers?” 

“ **NUMBER TWENTY-EIGHT.”** Dean’s voiced boomed. **“LOOKING FOR NUMBER TWENTY-EIGHT.”**

And so it went, Dean played the matchmaker right until it was just George and I left. 

“Still no one.” 

“Sorry Grace, at least you can be with George.” I saw a devilish smirk as he turned and dragged the blonde bombshell he was with away from us. 

“What do you say?” George held out his hand as the music began. “Partner?”

“Sure, but first I need a drink, all the numbers ruined my buzz.” He shook his head, grabbing my hand and pulling me back to him.

“Shut up and dance.” George had my breath hitching with the way that he pressed against me. His hands came to a rest on my hips, fingertips ticking my lower back. I ran my hands over his chest, feeling his six-pack as they tensed under his tight shirt. 

_Turn around Grace, don’t let him see what he’s doing to you._

I spun around, pressing my back to his front, smiling when his hands wrapped themselves tighter around me. With more alcohol than blood running through my veins, the things that came to mind were anything but G rated, even for a virgin. 

“Didn’t know you could move like this Grace,” George whispered in my ear. I ignored it and continued to swap my hips, George and I’s conjoined hand hanging over my shoulder. 

“Neither did I.” It was true, I’d never danced like this before. The next song blurred into the last and we didn’t stop, George kept his arms wrapped firmly around my waist. My eyes closed as I leaned my head onto his shoulder. My free hand holding onto his forearm as we swayed together in time to the beat. George’s hands left my waist and ran up my ribs, pushing my hair off my neck, before running back down my ribs once more resting back on my hips. I felt his breath on my neck, heavy and warm. It made goosebumps rise in its wake, then when I felt his lips my legs shook a little. 

“George, what are you doing?” I felt his tongue touching the skin on my neck. I pulled away turning to him. He chuckled, looking surprised. 

“What?” My hands run up his chest again, touching his cheek. “Grace,” He whispered, just loud enough to be heard over the music. He leaned in, my eyes closed automatically. I felt his hot breath on my lips and then felt his lips brush gently over mine. 

“We can’t,” I whispered just as our lips were about to touch again. His forehead rested on mine. Eyes opening to meet mine. “I want to.” 

“Then why not?” 

“We’re friends, remember George.” His hand ran up to the back of my neck, holding onto it. “Let’s just be friends.” 

“Friends kiss all the time, Grace.” I spun around so my back was pressed to his front, “It’s just a kiss,”

“Is that all they are to you?” George spun me back around, his hands pulling my waist closer to him. 

“What else should they be?” _Don’t do this Grace. It’s not worth it._

“You’re right,” I whispered, lips running along his jaw. “It’s just a kiss, nothing else.” 

“Nothing else,” George nodded. “Just a kiss,” He leant his forehead against mine, “Cure my curiosity Grace,”

_I could do this, just a kiss. One perfect kiss with George…_

Without really thinking I lent forward and pressed my lips to his. They were soft, but hard from the pressure he used to countermine. I opened my lips to bite onto his bottom lip. George groaned and pulled my body closer, keeping us swaying to the music. One of his hands moved down and wrapped around my waist the other wound into my hair. I pulled away, my mind running on a high from him, from the kiss. George’s lips moved from my lips to my cheeks kissing everywhere they touched before they reached my neck, leaving a trail of kisses down my neck moving the trail of ivy vines from my costume aside, before coming back to my lips. If someone told me that one of the best first kisses I would ever have would be with George MacKay, a boy every girl in my home town wanted, I would have laughed in their face, but here I was on some dark, grimy dance floor, dressed in a costume I thought I’d never wear, with his hips pushing into mine, kissing him like it was my dying wish. My hands were pushing up George’s shirt, allowing me access to the skin underneath as I pulled his lips back to mine. He licked and nibbled on my bottom lip, begging for me to open my lips, when I didn’t he pulled away and kissed over to my ear. 

“Ivy, Joker… You’re out.” Overweight Darth Vader screamed from the podium. George didn’t pull away, his hands pushing my hips towards the nearby wall, stepping us backwards until my back pushed into it, his lips going back to mine. 

“Sorry we lost the contest,” I whispered, George, pulled away, his hands lingering on my chin, 

_“Fuck the contest.”_


	16. October 26th, 2011

**October 26th, 2011**

Sorry, I had to take a minute before I continued, it was getting hot under the collar, where were we?

**October 25th, 2011**

“Fuck the contest,” George whispered his lips meeting mine once more, His hands grabbed at my body, needy.

“Do you want to say that again?” George pulled away from me, both our heads moving to see where the sudden burst of commotion had come from. “Go on, say it.”

“Is that….” George trailed off.

“Charlie?” I nodded my head, pushing George away from me so I could make my way towards the noise. Pushing my way through the crowded dance floor I found Charlie toe to toe with Oliver.

“Get out of my face man,” Oliver screamed into Charlie’s face, his body looming over Charlie’s.

“No go on, you two had so much to say a minute ago, so why not now, ” Charlie screamed back, his hand extending towards Ellie who was huddled amongst another group of girls, tears streaming down her face.

“I said, get out of my face,”

“What’s happening?” Dean asked sliding up beside me, His eyes raced over the scene. “Guess he found out,”

“Looks like it,” I mumbled unable to take my eyes off Charlie's tall frame as he squared off with Oliver.

“What’s is it?” George asked standing behind me.

“I said she obviously wasn’t satisfied with you, so she had to seek other… company.” Charlie charged for Oliver, knocking him to the ground. I couldn’t see who was winning, all it looked like was fists flying as two grown men rolled around on the dirty floor.

“Help him.” I cried pushing Dean forward towards the argument.

“Break it up,” Dean called to the pair, he and George struggled to pull the two of each other. “Help us out will ya,” Dean cried to a nearby group of guys who were cheering the two on.

“Stop it,” George pushed Oliver back into the group of cheering me. “Don’t,” George yelled as Oliver stepped forward, ready to take another swing.

“Move it,” Dean pushed Charlie towards me, Charlie looked over his shoulder towards Oliver. “Don’t do it, Charlie,”

“Charlie,” I grabbed onto his face, moving it to take in the damage that’d be done. His lip was bloody, and nose bleeding. “C’mon,” I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the front door.

“I’m going to kill him,” Charlie muttered pulling back against my grip,

“Not tonight you’re not mate,” Dean gripped onto Charlie’s shoulders and pushed him through the door. “Hometime,” Charlie pulled against both Dean and I stop us in the doorway, “C’mon mate,” Dean clapped a hand on his shoulder a forceful shove to try and keep him moving.

“Charlie,” I’m sure my voice was no more than a whisper, but he heard. His hand gripped mine back and he began to walk out the door.

“Grace,” George ran up the path following us, Henry and Jordan in tow. “Everything okay?”

“Dean and I are going to take Charlie home,” I squeezed Charlie’s hand lightly, I don’t know why I think I was trying to offer him some style of support. “Clean him up,”

“You can stay Grace,” Dean smiled across at me, “I can take care of him,”

“No,” I shook my head. “I’m coming with you,” I looked back to George, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“We’ll come,” Henry stepped towards us, “Party’s pretty shit anyway… and if Charlie feels up to it, we can keep the party going back at the flats”

“Sure, why not.” Charlie sighed. “Those two…” He shook his head. “I got punched in the face, what better time will there be to get shit faced,”

“I can’t tell if that’s sarcasm…” Dean frowned jokingly, “I mean it is you we’re talking about mate, you don’t often use sarcasm do you?” Dean chuckled.

“Shut up Dean,” I frowned. “C’mon,” I pulled Charlie by our joint hands to the end of the footpath, “No taxi’s,”

“Guess we’re walking again,” Henry laughed wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “You got a good punch in Charlie,”

“Did I?”

“Yeah, looked like he’ll have a nasty bruise tomorrow,”

“Good,” Charlie’s hand didn’t lose its grip on mine as we began to walk home, I wouldn’t have let go even if he wanted too. I was worried he was going to go back to the house and rip Oliver and Ellie’s head’s off their bodies and parade around with them sticking of pikes. “Hope they're happy,”

“What happened?”

_You know what happened Grace, don’t ask stupid questions._

“Can we talk about it later?” He turned his head to look at me, a bruise was forming under his eye.

“Of course,” I nodded. “I didn’t mean to pry,”

“It’s fine Grace,”

“Grace,” George walked up beside us, “Can I talk with you for a minute,” I looked back over to Charlie who released his hold on my hand,

“It’s fine,” He sped up his pace walking towards Dean, Jordan and Henry.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” He began. I stopped him with a look, a cheeky smile flushing his cheeks. “Okay, yes I did.” He shook his head. “Is it wrong I wish we were still at the party?”

“George,”

“Only because I wasn’t ready for that kiss to end,” He smirked down at me, “I know we said one time… but would it be wrong of me to kiss you again?”

“We shouldn’t,” I whispered hands resting on his chest, but I couldn’t tell if I were preparing myself to push him away, or pull him closer.

“It’s just a kiss Grace,” _just another kiss to him._ “It won’t hurt.” His lips neared mine, “Remember what I said Gracie,”

“Friends kiss all the time,” His lips met mine, a climax of an evening interrupted. If other people could hear the symphony that exploded in my head when George’s lips touched mine it’d be the climax, where everything comes together, the sound a beautiful melody, but this wasn’t a symphony, this was George, and he was kissing me. “Just a kiss,” I whispered, against his lips.

“Just a kiss,” He repeated his lips pressing against mine harder. Let me tell you something, George MacKay could kiss, the man knew exactly how to move his tongue, and when he bit on my bottom lip pulling it away as his hands gripped me harder I swear I nearly died and went to heaven. He pulled away first, his breathing heavy as his forehead rested against mine, “That did it,”

“Did what?”

“Cured my curiosity,” He whispered, lips pecking mine once more. “It’s not going to be weird is it?”

“Should it be?” He shrugged his shoulders and began to walk the way the others had. “It was just a kiss George, remember.” I crossed my arms over my chest, following behind him. “Do you regret it?”

“No, it was a great kiss Grace, but sometimes girls get funny when they kiss a guy,” I scoffed,

“And the guy’s don’t?” I shook my head, “You’re being a bit sexist George,” He chuckled, “I’m serious, yes okay girls do catch feelings, but so do guys, otherwise marriage for love wouldn’t be a thing, dating wouldn’t be a thing…”

“Okay, you’re right.” He held his hands up. “I just don’t want a chance of things being weird between us Grace,” He pulled me into him walking up the street. “You’re my number one girl, remember.”

“So you keep saying,”

“Need to make sure you remember it when I do stupid shit,”

“Like what?”

“Well Gracie, after that kiss I’m sure you’ll get at least one drunken phone call or me showing up to your door trying to persuade you to have sex with me,”

“Oh,”

“Never listen to drunk George, he’s a bastard…”

“Drunk words, sober thoughts,”

“Not always Gracie, sometimes I’ll just be horny.” George winked at me as he walked ahead of us, towards the group. 

Was he being serious? He expects me to just be okay with him drunk calling me, turning up to my door begging me for sex? 

_Part of you is okay with it Grace, don't' lie. Part of you is on a high knowing that you did that, you got George MacKay to admit that he wanted you, even if it was only when he was drunk._

"You okay?" I looked up from the cobblestone ground to see Jordan of all people waiting for me. 

"Yeah, I am." 

"Parties really aren't your thing are they?" He laughed. "I'm sorry if you had a bad night," I thought for a minute, lips pursing. 

"I didn't actually, apart from Charlie getting punched, it was probably the most successful party I've been too." 

"I'm sorry if I came off as a bit of an arsehole Grace," He began to walk with me once I'd reached him. "I don't mean too, I guess I'm just... I'm trying to be different from the loser I was in high school, and I guess the persona I've picked isn't the best one." 

"Why do you want to change from who you were?" 

"I was a loser in school," 

"So was I," I confessed. "I was always the second-best to my friend, she told me I was always pretty but never as pretty as her, I needed to lose weight, dye my hair... maybe even get contacts... it does things to you after a while." 

"Your friend said that to you?" 

"I think at the time I thought she was trying to be helpful, now I can see it was a way of keeping me down... bullying me too I guess." Jordan and I walked in silence for a couple of moments, my mind revelling in my confession, going over everything Sarah had ever said to me. 

"I was bullied, for being too nerdy, too smart..." He shrugged his shoulders. "I know it sounds stupid, but I just wanted Uni to be different for me, I wanted girls to like me, and not be worried about being seen with me," 

"And being a butthole is the best way to do that?" 

"You're right," He shook his head, "I think I thought it was best because that's who the girls went too at school, the idiot who bullied people..." 

"You're not in high school anymore Jordan," 

"I know," 

"If you want my opinion, this Jordan... Ten times better." He shook his head, throwing it back to let out a loud laugh. "I'm serious," 

"I know Grace," He looked over at me. "I really am sorry for how I acted, if my mum heard that, she'd rip my head off." 

"Won't tell her, I promise." 

"Did you really call me a butthole?"

"Sometimes you have to be harsh," I shrugged my shoulders, stopping as we walked up the stairs to our flat complex. "Did the others go in?" 

"Seem's so," Jordan fiddled his feet,

"Don't worry Jordan," I grabbed his forearm giving it a tight squeeze, "Your secret is safe with me," I let go of his arm and walked to the entrance, "Coming?" Jordan and I walked up together, I was glad he was finally stopping his idiocy and had shown another side to himself, a human side really, one I wasn't expecting from him. 

"Grace," Dean cried when Jordan and I walked into the flat, "There you are," He cheered. "Can you help Charlie with his face, I don't do so well with blood," 

"Sure," 

"He's in the bathroom." I walked to our small bathroom knocking gently on the door as 'Tonight' by Enrique Iglesias and Ludacris began to play through the flat. 

"Come in," I pushed open the door, shutting it behind me, sitting on the toilet was Charlie, his head in his hands, an icepack over his eye. He looked up when I closed the door behind me. "Hey," 

"Hi," I breathed out, "How do you feel?" 

"Honestly?" I nodded my head. "I'm pissed off Grace," 

"I get that," 

"No, you don't Grace." He threw the ice pack angrily at the ground, it smacked into the wall. "You don't get why," 

"It's fine, Charlie." I walked to the sink and picked up the hand towel, wetting it. "You don't have to explain... Let's just clean you up yeah," I turned back to him, walking to him, I gently held his chin, pulling it up so I could see clearly as I began to wipe the dried blood away,


	17. November 3rd, 2011

**November 3rd, 2011**

Dear Diary,

Here’s a comprehensive list of what the last two / three days have been comprised off.

    * Dean and I trying to cheer Charlie up, and convince him that Ellie wasn’t all she was cracked up to be. 
    * Me cleaning Charlie’s face pretty regularly… somehow the injuries from the fight made him even more attractive… 
    * Dean telling Charlie if it was the consistent sex Charlie was upset he’d be loosing he was sure he could help him find another girl. 
    * George knocking on my door at one in the morning after he’d finished drinking and watching football with Charlie, Dean, Henry and Jordan begging me to let him inside… He promised he’d only sleep…. _You don’t know how close I was to conceding._
    * Jordan’s done a TOTAL 180, he’s not being a dickhead since the party… It’s nice. 
    * Henry’s been helping me study sometimes, he’s really good at keeping me focused… I think he’s learnt that if we stop every twenty minutes to talk about George boy’s I’m pretty good. 



I’ll keep you updated as the week goes on,


	18. November 5th, 2011

**November 5th, 2011**

Dear Diary,

Not much has changed, Charlie’s attitude has improved some more, he's sometimes making cheeky comments, not often and not overly cheeky but it's something.

The flat’s becoming less tense, his face has healed, finally.  ~~Not that i'll ever tell him how attractive he looked with the busted lip... right bad boy.~~

  
George hasn’t knocked on my door again…


	19. November 8th, 2011

**November 8th, 2011**

Dear Diary,

Today, well tonight really I’m going to give my first all-nighter a go… To be fair it’ll be in the comfort of my own home, in my own bedroom, but the excitement is still there, well as much excitement I can muster when I think about the mountains of work I have to go through.

Exams are coming up and I do need to be prepared.

**November 8th, 2011 - Still**

I cannot work here. Dean and Charlie have the boys over again, and they’re being obnoxiously loud! Don’t they understand how hard medicine is? All the moving parts.. All the different names of the body parts... 

**FOOTBALL CANNOT BE THAT EXCITING!!!!!**

**November 8th, 2011 - Still**

Dear Diary,

Sorry for all the diary entries, but now I’ve left the flat, and I’ve been at the library for the last four hours - not that interesting I know, but it’s what happened on the lead up to me leaving the house, and the walk to the library, AND the library itself. Let me break it down into three parts for you.

Incident One - The flat

“Gracie,” I groaned my head dropping against my textbook as George slipped into my room, I picked my head up and spun on my chair to look at him arms folded over my chest, eyes turning into slits. George, on the other hand, had a bottle of beer in his hand, his cheeks flushed and that stupid goofy smile I adored so much stretched across his lips. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to study, but some people keep making a lot of noise,”

“Is that them out there?” He thrust his thumb over his shoulder oblivious to my sarcasm. “Want me to tell them to be quiet?”

“No, it’s okay.” I spun back around, hands picking up my various text books and notebooks. “I need to go to the library anyway. You guy’s don’t need to try and keep it down.”

“You’re leaving?” I nodded my head, picking up all the notebooks and texts book’s I’d need. “You don’t need to leave, We can be quiet I swear,” George sat down on my bed, the springs squeaking. He bounced a couple more times, springs making the same noise. “Wow,”

“What?”

“Loud bed,” He moved again his face shrivelled in confusion. “Wouldn’t be the best for any late night activities,” I rolled my eyes and reached over George to pick up the backpack I’d carelessly dropped hours ago when I’d come home from classes. George was quicker though, his hands gripped my waist and pulled me into his lap. “What’s going on in this head of yours,” His fingertips tapped my head gently, “Talk to me Grace,”

“I’m fine George,”

“You’re not,” He moved my arms so they strung around his shoulders, linking behind his neck. “Tell me what it is,” He smiled sweetly up at me, “You can talk to me,” I fiddled with my fingers behind his neck, fingers grabbing onto the short hair at the nape, as I ducked my head down, unable to take the eye contact, “It’s just us Gracie…” He lent his forehead against mine. “ _Just us_ ,”

“I’m mad at you,” I frowned deeper, “I know I don’t have the right to be, but I am.”

“Why?” His free hand pushed the hair behind my ear, I had nothing to hide behind. “Because I kissed you?” I nodded my head, skin bumping his, bottom lip slipping between my teeth. “I’m not mad at you,” His hand worked from my hair to my lip, softly pulling the bottom lip out from beneath my teeth. “But I do need you to stop doing this, why are you mad about the kiss?”

“You’re used to this George, you’ve dated girls casually, had one night stands but I haven’t,”

“We didn’t sleep together…”

“I wasn’t done.” I snapped. “I have never kissed a boy who wasn’t my boyfriend, let alone kissed a boy who's my close friend… I don’t really know how to feel about it, How to act.” My hands fell from around his neck to his shoulders, picking at the fabric.

“Do you regret it?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered fingers continuing to fiddle. “I just feel like you’re on this other level to me, you always have been this great thing that’s always seemed so out of my reach, ever since high school and I’m down on another level and my head is spinning because we kissed George,” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, “We kissed, and I know I said it wouldn’t change things, but then you said those things after, and I’m sorry but it has changed and I can’t be the only one whose felt it."

“You’re not on another level to me Gracie,” He cleared his throat, “Especially not below me, if anything… you’re above me,” He pulled back, hands holding onto my cheeks. “You’re Grace fucking Finley… Every guy at my school thought you were the sweetest person, I remember one time at a football match, you handed out orange slices to all of our players because our school didn’t have anything for us and it was a hot day… First time I ever saw you,” He cleared his throat, “But, you’re right. I’m sorry for kissing you, it was wrong, and I’m sorry for saying those things after, that was also wrong of me.” One of his hands left my face, fingers beginning to run comforting circles on my hip bone, “But we can just pretend it didn’t happen Grace, we can go back to how things were leading up to the party, leading up to the kiss… let’s just forget it happened.”

“Really?” George nodded his head,

“I mean I’ll have to tear the pages out of my diary but I can pretend, if it means I keep my best girl,”

“Shut up,” I groaned my head falling onto his shoulder. George moved us, my bed squeaking underneath him as he lay down, I was still on top of him, my head against his chest now listening to his heart beat.

“You really are the best girl I’ve ever met Grace,” George’s hands ran up and down my back. “And I truly am sorry that you were feeling like that, my mum would kill me if I hurt you,” I looked up at him, chin resting on his chest now.

“You told your mum about me?”

“Of course,” He smiled.

_He’s bloody done it again,_

“I have to go,” I pushed up from his chest, climbing awkwardly over him, picking up the bag and shoving my books in. “I really have to get some studying in,” I didn’t let George reply as I pushed open my bedroom door as a loud cheer filled my ears. “Exam’s are close,”

“Where you off too Grace?” Jordan asked, eyes still trained on the T.V, “MacKay annoy you that much you’re running away?”

“No, just to the library,” I smiled walking to the door. “Enjoy the game,” I pulled the door open and slipped out quickly. _“Jesus,”_ I whispered as I leant against the door for a second, giving my mind the time to process the events that had just happened.

George MacKay had made my heart rate spike in the matter of seconds, his sweet admission turning me to mush, but should I really be surprised, at this point I was certain George could do anything and as soon as he flashed his goofy smile my way I’d crumble and fall at his feet - _unhealthy really when I think about it._

“Don’t be that girl Grace, don’t be that girl.” I whispered to myself as I pushed away from the door beginning to walk down the hallway.

This led into the next thing,

Incident Two - The walk

“Grace,” I turned to look behind me as I reached the door for the stairwell, Charlie was running towards me pulling on his coat. I stepped away from the door, walking towards him. “Hey,”

“What's wrong?” Charlie shook his head, a slight smile on his lips

“Nothing, I’m going to walk you,”

“You don’t need to Charlie,”

“I’m not letting you walk alone,” He reached behind me and pulled the heavy door open, nodding his head for me to walk through.

“You’ll miss the game,” He shrugged his shoulders, hand going to my lower back, now pushing me through the door.

“I’ll watch the replays,” He smiled walking behind me, together we walked down the three levels and out into the cool early evening air, I had to stop myself from staring at him the entire time, unable to work out why exactly he was walking me. “Why are you going to the library?”

“I’m having trouble studying at home, and I figure it’s the easiest place to go,” I shrugged readjusting the backpack.

“Here let me,” Charlie reached and took the backpack off my shoulder, casually pulling it over his own. “Were we being too loud?”

“It's fine,”

“You should have told Dean or I… it’s your flat too.”

“Its fine Charlie, I don’t mind,” I smiled across at him. “Besides you’ve been… not the happiest the last couple of days I didn’t want to stop you from having some much-needed fun,”

“Doesn’t matter,”

“It does.” I pulled my coat tighter around my body. “You deserve to have some fun,”

“How about we make a list,” Charlie suggested, “Of things we want our future selves to remember, from our eighteen year old selves,” Charlie shuffled the bag on his shoulder. “When I get back to the flat, I’ll write them all down, and we’ll go over them in thirty years,”

“You still wanna be friends in thirty years?” I looked across to Charlie, unable to keep the bright smile from my lips.

“Nothing good ever happens after two AM.” He declared. “Making any decisions in the most unholy of holy hours is always a terrible idea. The tattoo, the piercings… all bad ideas,”

“Things change, it might not have worked out the first time, but time changes things…”

“You don’t always end up being the person you always planned to be,”

“Oh, good one,” I pursed my lips. “Don’t think so much and just do.”

“Destiny happens whether you plan it or not,” He looked over to me, urging me on with his eyes.

“There is someone out there for you, no matter what you think…. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday.”

“Enjoy the ride, even if you know the expiration date.”He smirked, “I mean it, Gracie… Uni isn’t going to be around forever, you got to enjoy it more.”

“The littlest things can have a ripple effect that’ll change your life,”

“There are two big days in any love story. The day you meet the girl of your dreams, and the day she takes your last name.”

“Love’s confusing,” I bit my lip, mind flashing to George, and the events of my bedroom only minutes earlier.

“Wait for it,” Charlie finished. “Whatever it is, whoever it is… If you know you want it, or them… wait for them,”

“I like that one the best,”

“She cheated on me,” Charlie announced, “I know I should have been most angry about that, but that wasn’t the reason Oliver and I got into it.”

“What were you angry about?” Charlie shook his head, his mouth turning into a thin line.

“I’ll tell you about it another day,”

“Sure,” I nodded my head, “Whenever you’re ready,” _It was killing me not knowing what would make Charlie angrier than his girlfriend cheating on him,_ but I knew better than to pry into things. We walked in silence the rest of the way, only interrupting it when either of us had a random comment, nothing to surge a conversation between us, but it was peaceful.

“Call me when you’re going to be done.” Charlie spoke as we reached the library pulling my bag from his shoulder, “Dean or I will come get you,”

“No,” I began to protest, “It’ll be far too late,”

“You’re calling me Grace.” Charlie demanded as he passed my bag over to me, “Or I’m going to stay with you all night and watch you as you study…”

“Firstly, that’d be creepy. Secondly, I’m old enough to walk home without a chaperone.”

“That’s not the question, it’s a matter of me being able to sleep soundly knowing you got home okay,” He crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at me. “Now, you’re going to call me or I’m not leaving,” Charlie and I had a staredown for a minute before I finally threw my hands up in the air.

“Fine, Jesus.” I groaned dramatically, “I thought I was leaving my big brother back home when I came here,” Charlie flashed me a toothy grin.

“No way babe,” Charlie walked backwards waving his hand at me. “Call me, if you don’t I’m going to ground your ass,”

“I’m not a child you can threaten with a spanking and a grounding,” Charlie stopped, he walked back towards me a determined smile on his face. He lent down towards my ear, his hand resting on my lower back.

“If it were a spanking from me, I’m sure you would enjoy it,” He walked backwards smirking as my cheeks flushed bright red. “Be safe,” He pointed into the library, “Now, go learn some shit,” He continued to smirk as he turned, to walk home.

~~_Charlie Hudson had officially returned to the group chat._ ~~

“Bye Charlie,” I waved my hand high above my head, unable to hide the bubble of joy his comment gave me,

“Call me when you’re ready, to come home, I’ll be here.” He called back over his shoulder, hands dug into his coat pockets as he walked up the street.

“Is he your boyfriend?” I turned, to my left a girl stood at the bottom of the stairs, a backpack strung over her arm, and a golden lab assistance dog sitting patiently at her feet.

“No, he’s my roommate,” I breathed,

“He sounds cute,” The girl giggled, “Is he cute?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” I stepped towards the girl,

“Do you need help?”

“Bronte here’s got me. Thank you though.” She stepped up one of the stairs, “But if you’d like we can sit together? It does get pretty lonely here after a while,” This led me into the next event.

Incident Three - Charlotte

“Sure, that’d be great.” I watched as the girl walked up the rest of the stairs, her blonde hair billowing out behind her. “Do you come here often?”

“Mostly during the night, my parents live around the block, and I find fewer people whisper to their friends about the ‘blind girl’ when they’re here cramming for tests,”

“People do that?” The girl shrugged, her small frame hidden beneath her large jumper.

“Sometimes, sometimes not,” I rushed ahead of her and grabbed the door, watching as the girl and her dog, Bronte worked in perfect synchronisation. When the girl walked so did Bronte. “I’m Charlotte, by the way.”

“Grace Finley,”

“Pleasure to meet your Grace,” Charlotte smiled brightly towards me, “What are you studying then?”

“Medicine, I’ve always wanted to be a doctor since I was a girl, what about you?” I asked quietly as we sat down at one of the oak desks. I pulled my backpack up onto the desk, pulling out what I needed, Charlotte followed suit, sitting across from me, releasing Bronte from her work before she pulled out books lying them across the table. 

“Law,”

“Wow,”

“Wow as in I can’t believe a blind girl thinks she can be a lawyer,”

“No,” I shook my head. “If anything I think that’ll make you an even better lawyer,”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, you can’t be fooled by emotions, peoples poker faces, you’ll be listening purely to the facts of the case, how people respond to your questions… if they inflect their voices when they lie… If they’re voice trembles when they replay what happened, you’re other instincts are strong from your lack of one of the main sense… Your body’s natural instincts will kick in, and you’ll work it out…”

“Good answer,” She laughed pulling a text book towards her. I watched unmoving as she opened one of the books, her fingers running over the small raises in the pages.

“Is it hard?” I blurted out, my hand slapping against my mouth the second the question hung in the air. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that, Its none of my business,”

“Don’t worry, I don’t mind,” She smiled kindly, eyes downcast on the books. “I went blind when I was sixteen, and I think that was the hardest thing,” She leant her chin on her hand, “Having something so crucial taken away from you pretty suddenly,” She took a deep breath and shook her head, “Sorry, I don’t mean to just offload onto you,” I pushed my book away my attention focused solely on the girl across the table from me,

“Go ahead, I think you have a lot to say, and I’m willing to listen if you want to get it off your chest,”

“You sure? It’s not a short spiel,”

“I’ve been procrastinating from studying all day, at least if you talk to me I’ll be doing something useful for someone.”

“I went blind when I was sixteen, that was two years ago, I’m still learning how to do things but Bronte really helped me… She makes a lot of things a lot easier, sometimes I use a cane but it’s not as easy, or as fun, least with Bronte I have someone to talk to, and who can comfort me when I need it.” She pursed her lips for a second, I notice her hand instantly went to Bronte’s head, giving the dog a loving scratch. “What else,” Her tongue clucked as she thought. “I attended Uni, like you but I guess it’s lonely since most people don’t really know how to take me or interact with me. I’m sure if I could see them they’d duck out of my way so quickly it’d be comical.”

“Maybe we can set up hidden cameras, make some money off the internet,”

“Hey now, look whose got the big ideas,” She chuckled at my stupid, idiotic, dumb idea.

_Such a dumb idea Grace, Jesus you’re an idiot._

“They don’t try to talk to you?”

“Some do, but I think a lot of them are freaked out by me,” She frowned. “It’s like they think they can catch it if they talk to me for too long,”

“I’m not,”

“Thank you Grace,” She fiddled with the ring on her middle finger.

“Keep going, it’ll be cathartic to let it all out,”

“I’m annoyed at the world if I’m honest, not because my sight was taken away, I mean yes that fucking sucked, but because I’m afraid I’m going to miss out on a great love.” She hit her hand against the book frustrated. “I don’t think I’ll ever fall in love, you know the proper love you read about where the girl gets the foot pop when she kisses _the_ boy, and he comes to her house in the middle of the night because he needs to be with her, needs to see her…. I just don’t think I’ll get it since no one would want to date a blind person, and I guess…”

“Go on,”

“I don’t think I’m worthy of love…”

“Charlotte,”

“Don’t judge me Grace,”

“I’m not, but everyone is worthy of love,” I reached across the table and grabbed her hand. Giving it a tight squeeze. “Why don’t you think you’re not worthy of love?”

“How can someone love me when I can’t love myself?”

“You don’t like yourself?”

“Not happy with myself,”

“Why aren’t you happy with yourself?”

“Before I went blind I cared a lot for how I look and loosing that I feel like I lost a massive part of me, and I don’t know if I would like what I would see now.”

“You’re beautiful,” She looked up. “I know you’ve just met me, but I want you to know that you are beautiful, we all are but your vision didn’t make you beautiful, or a good person… just as losing it doesn’t make you any less of either… Charlotte, you should believe in love,” I gave her hand another squeeze. “Just because a part of you isn’t perfect, or your not worked out in your own head, doesn’t make you any less worthy of something… love is magical, and when you meet the right guy it’s all going to make sense, why the others didn’t work out, or why there were no other… it’ll make sense,”

“Thank you,”

“I could use a good friend who I can talk to about life,”

“Me too,”

“Charlotte, do you want to be friends?”

“Depends,”

“On what?” She gave me a cheeky smile,

“Can you describe your cute roommate to me?” She fanned herself dramatically. “I need a description to go with that voice,”


	20. November 9th, 2011

**November 9th, 2011**

Dear Diary

After yesterdays events I felt like today was super mundane, but it was nice… To wrap up what happened yesterday, Dean and Charlie came to pick me up from the library, Charlotte was long gone by this pint her mum had come to pick her up an hour or two before I’d called Charlie, but we’d made plans for her to come over to the flat on Friday. I’m going to cook us dinner, we’re going to do some studying then maybe watch a movie…

Talking to Charlotte had really changed my outlook on life, I won’t pretend I’m going to be the mother Theresa right away, but I really want to change the way I look at things. If someone like Charlotte can go through so much, and come out the other side still smiling then why can’t I?

I’m going to try at least,

Love Grace,


	21. November 11th, 2011

**November 11th, 2011**

Dear Diary

Dinner went… Okay,

**Six hours ago**

“So who is this chick?” Dean quizzed me as we walked through the supermarket looking for all the ingredients we needed to make nachos. “You’ve never mentioned her before,”

“Yes, I did,”

“No, you didn’t,” He countered.

“Yes. I. Did,”

“No. You. Did. Not,” Dean and I stood toe to toe, his jaw clenched and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

“Charlie,” I called not taking my eyes off Dean, “A ruling here.”

“She did mention her,” Charlie called tiredly. He’d been shopping with Dean and me for the last twenty minutes and this was the third argument we’d gotten into… None of them meant anything but they were annoying Charlie none-the-less. “Sorry mate,”

“Fine.” Dean’s eyes thinned into slits. “You win this one Finley,” He turned to Charlie and threw a soft punch into his bicep, “Thanks for having my back bro…”

“Hey, don’t punch him,” I punched Dean in the arm, He grabbed it his mouth opening in a pain-filled hiss.

“Ouch,” He cried. “Why’d you do that…”

“Well….” I stuttered lamely looking for an excuse, “Don’t punch people,”

“But you punched me,”

“It was a lesson,”

“Enough now children,” Charlie taunted stepping between us. “Let’s just finish the shopping and we can get home,”

“Fine, you win this one Gracie,” Dean pulled up the list,

“That’d be the second one I’ve won then Dean,” I smirked innocently.

“Grace,” Charlie groaned, his hand flying to his forehead.

“Gracie, I swear to -,”

“Dean, please, just let it go.” Charlie cried his hand still against his forehead.

“Fine.” He huffed. "I’ll go grab the salsa, you two get the meat and vegetables.” He threw the list back into the basket and walked off. Charlie and I stood watching him for a second,

“He’s a child,” I muttered,

“You’re both children,” Charlie quipped. “Is George coming over tonight?” Charlie inquired as we began to walk again,

“No, just Charlotte,” I lent across him to pick up a white onion, “I haven’t seen George since the other night,”

“You two have a fight?” I looked up at Charlie as he fiddled with some garlic bulbs.

“No,”

“You two are just normally together,” I shrugged my shoulders,

“I dunno what you want me to say?” I looked away from Charlie.

“Did something happen between you?”

_Now, Grace, think carefully is this a good time to divulge to Charlie that you kissed George?_

“Well…” I trailed off, eyes squinting as I racked my brain for the best way to tell Charlie,

“Well, what?”

“George and I may have … kissed,” I moved away from him walked down the end to grab some carrots. “Three times,”

“Wow.”

“Wow?”

“I mean congratulations,” Charlie sighed running a hand through his hair, “That’s great, exactly what you wanted isn’t it?” He walked towards me, “I mean you have feelings for him,”

“Still so obvious?” Charlie’s lips broke into a breathy smile.

“You’re getting better at hiding it,” He shrugged his shoulders, “But you still give him the look,”

“And is it still as pathetic as ever?”

“Nothing you ever do will be pathetic Grace, when are you going to accept that?”

“I’m an idiot,”

“Oh?”

“I told him I didn’t want anything more,”

“Grace,”

“Only because he said it was ‘just a kiss’ and that ‘friends kiss all the time,’… twice!” I cried. “God I’m so stupid,”

“He said that?” Charlie questioned, “Like he really said that?” I nodded my head, “What a dick move,”

“I get why,” I walked away from Charlie over to the other side of the displays, “I’m not like the girls he chases… I’m not blonde, skinny…. You know the spiel by now,”

“Grace, you have got to have the thickest head ever,”

“Charlie!”

“I mean it, who cares if you're not blonde, or you aren’t super thin… you’re a great person,” Charlie leant on the display crossing his hands, “Remember when I told you that you were nothing like those girls? That you were smart, funny and you’re beautiful without even trying?” I nodded my head, “I meant it… MacKay is an idiot for saying that shit too you, and one day it’s going to bite him in the arse.” Charlie shook his head, “You want to know what happened between Oliver and me?”

“If you want to share it,”

“Oliver made a comment about -,”

“Got the salsa,” Dean cried as he rounded the corner, “And you two have not moved.” He looked between Charlie and me, “I thought you wanted to get out of here as soon as possible, and yet here you are yapping away,” He shook his head, tone dripping with falsedisappointment.

“Shut up Dean,” I groaned, “C’mon, let’s go,”

_Stupid Dean, he was just about to tell me._

“Yes! Let’s go meet Charlotte,” Dean cried sarcastically pulling me under his arm, “And cannot wait to eat more of your food Gracie,” I gasped and pushed him away,

“Hey!” I cried, “I’m a good cook,”

“No, you’re not. You’re horrible.”

“Am not,”

“Are too,”

“Charlie?”

“He’s right Grace, you’re not the best cook…” Charlie trailed off as Dean threw his hands up victoriously,

“Two to One,” He held up two fingers, dropping one quickly. “I’m catching you,”

“You two ate my soup last week!”

“Toilet,” Dean shrugged,

“What about the stir-fry dinner I left for you and the guys last when you were watching the football?”

“Jordan and Henry may have thrown it off the balcony,” Charlie meekly replied,

“But…”

“Tonight should be fine though, how can you mess up nachos?” Dean chuckled.

**Four hours ago**

“Nachos…” Charlie mumbled as he pulled up one of the burnt corn-chips. “Look great,”

“What’s that smell?” Charlotte asked from her spot across from me, “Is something burning?”

“Something _is_ burnt,” Dean chuckled, “How do you like your nachos Charlotte? Crispy? Or burnt?”

“Dean,”

“Maybe we should just order pizza?” I sighed slouching in my chair. Somehow I’d let Dean distract me as I put the dish of nachos in the over to melt the cheese and the next thing I knew the flat was filled with smoke, “If Dean didn’t distract me none of this would have happened!”

“Not my fault I’m so dashingly distracting,”

“Shut up Dean,” I groaned.

“Are you though?” Charlotte teased, “I mean, Grace told me about Charlie, but you were never mentioned,”

“Oh,” Dean turned to look at me, “Is that so?”

“Mhhm,” Charlotte hummed, her hand reaching down to pat Bronte’s head, “All about his dreamy eyes, and how cute he looks in the morning,”

“Charlotte!” I protested my head falling into my hands, “It wasn’t like that!”

“Oh yeah?” Charlie laughed this time, “Then what was it like?”

“I hate you all!”

“I dunno, it seems like you find Charlie to be … what was the word she used Charlotte,” I could hear the smirk in Dean’s voice,

“I believe it was ‘adorable with a large dash of sexy,’… am I right Grace,”

“Oh my god,” I groaned banging my head gently on the table, “Kill me,”

“But, if we killed you, you wouldn’t get to look at this adorable face,” Charlie taunted from his seat beside me,

“I’m going to murder you, Charlie,”

“But then you wouldn’t see my beautiful face again,”

**Five hours ago**

“More wine?” I asked getting up from the couch as the intro for the big bang theory started up again,

“None for me… mum will kill me if I walk down hammered,” Charlotte replied turning back to her conversation with Dean.

“Charlie?”

“Yes, please,” He passed his glass over to me as I passed him, I glanced at the books Charlotte and I had pulled out with the intent to study only to have our attention dragged to Dean and Charlie’s lively conversations about the big bang theory. Looking back at Charlotte and seeing how happy she and Dean were I couldn’t break them apart and ask her to study with me. “I’ll help you later tonight,” Charlie spoke lowly as he followed me into the kitchen,

“Thanks,” I jumped up onto the bench and began picking at the cold, burnt nachos. “They’re getting along,”

“Like a house on fire,” He agreed pulling the bottle towards us, “I never was a fan of red wine,”

“Until,”

“Until I realised buying a shitty bottle of wine was cheaper than vodka,” He flashed me a toothy smile. “Then I became a big fan of red wine,”

“I always thought it made me look sophisticated, drinking it.”

“But do you feel sophisticated,” I reached out and grabbed the bottle from him,

“Anytime we aren’t drinking from the bottle,”

“So not a lot then?” He grinned.

“Not a lot,” I confirmed with a giggle of my own.

“About what George said to you,”

“Can’t we just forget it, Charlie?”

“No, I want you to know that he’s a nitwit,” I passed the bottle over to Charlie with a roll of my eyes. “I’m being serious,”

“Charlie… let’s just forget this. From this point on, I am swearing off guys. I’m going to go to class, hang out with Charlotte and you, and Blake and Henry, and study… that’s it… This George thing has been enough to send me mental,”

_ Grace's new life rules  _

  1. _No guys, just study... Especially if that guy's name starts with a G... Study, Study, Study_
  2. _Learn to cook,_
  3. _Study_
  4. _No falling back to the old ways where you fawn and fall all over a certain boy with a G name._
  5. _Try not to mention to any future friends how cute you think your roommate is._




	22. November 17th, 2011

**November 17th, 2011**

Dear Diary,

Or rather, future Grace,

You should remember to be proud of me, I’ve been sticking to my new life rules, as hard as it has been. Especially when it comes to staying away from guys, especially when those guys names start with G… Especially when that one guy is under the impression we are best friends, and only friends, and nothing is wrong, and you don’t have a steaming hot crush on him, and you aren’t actively going out of your way to try and ignore him…

Especially when the boy whose name starts with G joined Henry, Charlie and I’s study group, and sat beside me for a full three hours making adorable goofy faces at me every time I uttered a complicated word.

_Overall it’s been fucking peachy._

Let’s hope when Henry teaches me to cook I don’t burn down the flat,

Love, Grace


	23. November 19th, 2011

**November 19th, 2011**

Dear Diary,

I think my brain is going to overheat from the amount of studying I’ve been doing lately. Every night Charlie has been making sure I keep on track and sits with me at the living room coffee table and helps me study, I don’t know how he does it, helps me study and does his own course work,

Henry, Charlie and I are still doing our group study sessions, Dean sometimes joins, George often joins…

For future reference Grace, the crush on George… yeah, it hasn’t gone away.


	24. November 21st, 2011

**November 21st, 2011**

Dear Diary,

_A MONUMENTOUS OCCASION,_

Dean-Charles Chapman has asked a girl out to dinner… Okay, so he asked Charlotte out to dinner… And, yes okay he asked Charlie, Henry, Jordan, George and I… but he still asked a girl out.

I think he really wanted to ask her out alone, but he chickened out, for the tough boy whose not scared of anybody, he sure seemed to pale when he stuttered out,

“D-d-d-o you want to go to dinner… with me…”

Charlie looked like he was going to pass out from shock, and well I think I did blackout for a minute there.

Either way, I know am being forced to take a night off from the books and enjoy a dinner with my friends.

Do they not know how hard it is to become a doctor?

In case you forget future Grace,

It’s hard!


	25. November 23rd, 2011

**November 23rd, 2011**

Dear Diary,

I want to mark down a ‘normal’ week in my life for future Grace, you know when I’ve lost my marbles and think I’m going mental with how busy I am.

Here goes,

Monday

  * Mondays are rough. I have a lecture from 8 am until 10 am, followed by a lab or small groups (Which some of the guys like usual, don’t help out) from 10 am until 12 pm. 
  * Exams also usually land on a Monday, by God’s punishment - which always makes Monday’s just that tiny bit worse. 
  * On days when the exams are on Monday our lecture is generally followed by a two hour, yes TWO HOUR lecture of the next block we’re about to study. 
  * Monday’s generally wear both Blake and me out, so Charlie bless his soul has taken to cooking dinner every Monday. 
  * Once a month George knocks on my door well past midnight, he pretends to be drunk but I can’t smell any liquor on his breath, and when I turn him away he makes _the most_ irresistible face. The next day he pretends he did nothing… _It’s infuriating._



Tuesday

  * Tuesday is a little more relaxed. A lecture from 8 am - 10 am, followed by problem-based learning (PBL) case - This means attempting to diagnose hypothetical patients based on provided signs, symptoms and labs. PBL concludes with the assignment of look-ups, based on the case. 
  * Tuesday is great, my classes are generally over by 1 pm, which is when I meet Henry and Charlie at the library, (sometimes joined by George, sometimes by Jordan or even Dean) and I catch up on the weeks lectures, complete by PBL lookup, and then Henry comes home with me and is teaching me how to cook, I’ve learnt to make lasagna so far, or at least the oven has… 



Wednesday

  * Wednesday’s start the same, morning lecture and small group or lab occupy 8 am - 12 pm. 
  * Every other week we meet for the Practice of Medicine (POM) sessions from 1 pm - 5 pm. Where we’re led by a dynamic psychologist and physician duo, we learn patient interviewing techniques and practice our physical exam skills.
  * After POM I go to the library, study until 6 pm then it’s time to go meet the guy’s at their flat where they make dinner for us (Yes, George can cook) 



Thursday

  * Thursday’s, the exact same as the rest of the week, You’ve probably remembered out the morning pattern, but here it goes again. Thursday mornings start with a lecture followed by lab/small groups ending at noon.
  * During non-POM weeks, I visit my Ambulatory Care Apprenticeship from 1- 6 pm, There, I have a chance to practice my fledgling physical exam skills and work on resecting the awkward from my patient interviews under the guidance of a primary care physician.
  * Thursday nights are another night where Charlie, Henry and I meet at the library, and you guessed it, sometimes the other boys are in tow, sometimes Charlotte is there too, generally, if Charlotte is there it means Dean is normally… _Dean has a crush…_



Friday

  * Friday, 8-10 lecture, followed by day two of PBL where we give short presentations of our lookups, covering topics from disease etiology to physicians’ legal rights and obligations.
  * If I don’t have a text the next week I’ll usually let the boys talk me into playing at least one round of beer pong, or even going to one of the campus parties… probably not though, most of the time Charlotte comes over and we laugh at the boys, 
  * I also mostly flirt with George. 



Saturday

  * Saturday’s… I’m at the library, nearly all day, sometimes George can pull me out for an hour to have a picnic, which I’d never say no too. 



Sunday

  * I do nothing, except think about George and how I’m ruined for life, and how stupid I am for allowing him to control so much of my time. 



Grace, If you do this in the future with other guys. I’m going to make you regret it.

Love,

Grace (2011) (Still in love with George)


	26. November 25th, 2011

**November 25th, 2011**

Dear Diary,

I remember when I was fifteen I’d dream about my future and how amazing it’d be when I was in university, spending nights out with friends, drinking and dancing the night away, having breakfast at two in the morning because we could, going to all-night diners and drinking over the top milkshakes, well it finally happened.

_“My brain hurts,” I moaned to Charlie as I rubbed my temples pencil dropping against my notebook._

“Do you want to get breakfast with me?” I opened one of my eyes and looked at him. “We’re getting breakfast,” He nodded his head packing up both our things. “It’s late, and we’re going to have breakfast together.” Charlie grabbed my books and bag motioning for me to get up.

“Charlie, it’s like midnight,”

“Perfect time for breakfast then,” He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the exit. Bursting out the doors. “The very first hour of the morning, nothing says midnight better than pancakes.” I let out a giggle shivering as a gust of wind hit me.

“I’d love to get breakfast with you.” Charlie looked both way’s down the road, checking for any oncoming traffic grabbing my hand tighter, pulling me so we ran across the road. I shivered again as we walked down the block the wind whipping my hair around my face.

“You’re cold?” I shrugged another shiver hitting me. “Here,” He put our bags on the ground shrugging off his topcoat, leaving him in just his denim jacket. He held it out to me, nodding his head towards it.

“Charlie…”

“Take it,” He turned me helping me shrug the coat on. “C’mon,” He held his hand out to me again, a smile on his face. I grabbed his hand and walked with him down the street again until he pulled me to a stop. “Here we are,” Charlie smiled pulling the door open ushering me inside. As soon as we entered and the small bell above the door chimed a middle-aged woman appeared. Her blue waitress uniform covered by a white apron.

“Well good morning you two.” She pulled two menus from her apron, handing them out to us, we both took one from her. “How’s your night gone? Good, I hope.” Her smile never left her face as Charlie shook his head ‘yes’ smiling back at the lady. “Well, you two take a seat, I’ll be over shortly to take your order.”

“Thank-you.” Charlie pulled me away from the woman and up to the far end away from the door. Apart from another group of students we where the only customers in the diner, so it wasn’t a fight to find a private place. “Here’s good, Right under the heater so you won’t be cold.” He smiled pointing above his head to where one of the vents was sending warm streams of air down onto us. I smiled at him before sliding into the booth, watching him as he did the same on the opposite side.

“So.” We said at the same time, stopping and laughing for a second.

“You first,” I insisted.

“I just wanted to check you were warm enough.” I felt a blush come to my cheeks as I looked down at the table. “But your cheeks are giving you away,”

“I’m quiet warm thank-you, Charlie.” I ignored his comment. “Do you think you’re ready for the exams?”

“Yeah, I think so,” He nodded his head. “But I don’t want to be too cocky, in case I fail…” I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Can’t have MacKay beating me again,”

“You two are too competitive.” I smiled picking up the menu and flipping over the pages, looking over the different type of meals. “Hmm bacon and eggs, pancakes, what the hell is a pancake tower,” I spoke aloud reading from the laminated pages. “Is it like the tower of Pisa made from pancakes?” Charlie let out a deep chuckle. I put my menu down and looked at him. He was watching me amused. “I’m serious. If I order the tower of pancakes is it going to come out here as a replica of the tower of Pisa or am I going to be very disappointed?”Charlie shook his head still watching me, the smile never leaving his face. “What?” I questioned, he shook his head again.

“Nothing, Nothing,” He smiled his eyes going back down to his menu, I smiled and did the same.

_Do I really want pancakes?_

_A milkshake maybe?_

_Why do I love food so much?_

“Are you two ready to order?” I jumped in surprise as the waitress from before snuck up on us. “Oh dear, I didn’t mean to scare you sweet pea.” She chuckled deep in her belly.

“It’s okay.” I brushed off closing my menu. “I’m ready when he is.” I looked across the table to Charlie who’d shut his menu and placed it on the table. He nodded his head affirming he was also ready. I turned to the waitress smiling. “Can I please have the scrambled eggs and bacon with a glass of pineapple juice.” The woman nodded scribbling down my order before looking up from her pad to Charlie.

“And I’ll have a tower of Pisa.” He cut himself off with a chuckle. “I mean tower of pancakes.” The waitress chuckled writing down the order. “And a cup of coffee will be fine for me.” He added on. She nodded her head and walked away muttering how it wouldn’t be too long.

“Tower of Pisa huh.” I giggled, Charlie shook his head and threw a packet of sugar at me. “How about twenty questions?”

“Isn’t that one of your dreaded party games?”

“Maybe,” I sat up straighter in my chair. “Okay, me first.” I thought about all the things I wanted to ask him. I decided to start small. “Who is your favourite author?”

“Stephen King,” I nodded my head, smiling wider. “IT was the first book that made me scared of the dark for a month straight.” He laughed at himself. “My turn… Are there people you don’t like?”

“Elle… Oliver…” I shrugged my shoulders. “Just to name a few,”

_And that girl who George kissed at the first party._

“Why?”

“I believe it’s my turn,” I smirked. “What are the most important things in your life?”

“The truth,” He nodded his head. “I don’t like being lied to.”

“That’s an important thing,” I agreed smiling. “But I did say things.” I wagged a finger in his face.

“Ask me in a couple of months.” He shrugged coyly.

“Here we go, a glass of pineapple juice, and a coffee.” The waitress placed our drinks in front of us. “Food won’t be too long.”

“Thank you,” Charlie smiled politely before grabbing his coffee and taking a drink. “Darkest period in your life?” I took a deep breath.

“Right after my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend” I felt myself slump in my seat. “I was in this dark pit… I’m just glad school was over, I don’t think I could have dealt with that.” I laughed in self-pity.

“Grace, if you don’t want too,” I shook my head.

“No, it’s good to talk about this.” I smiled again. “It wasn’t all bad… I met George,” I cleared my throat. “He helped me,”

“And that’s why you like him?” I nodded my head.

“Pancake tower, and bacon and eggs.” The waitress sat the food in front of us. “Enjoy kids, let me know if you need anything else.” I smiled at the waitress as she walked off.

“Have you considered trying to date anyone else?” Charlie asked suddenly from across the table.

“Charlie, I am insane.” I picked up my fork. “No one should have to deal with me. I’m a mess I have George showing up to my bedroom door once a month trying to get me to kiss him again, and then the next day he pretends he doesn’t do it…”

“You’ve got to tell him,”

“What,” I practically cried, “I can’t do that Charlie,” I groaned. “You have no idea how much I wish I could because Grace, She likes her sleep and he is interrupting it… too often.”

“Grace,”

“What if he doesn’t pay me any attention after that?”

"You'll always have me," 

_God Charlie, if only._


	27. November 27th, 2011

**November 27th, 2011**

“Tonight’s the big night,” Charlie beamed slapping his hands on Dean’s shoulders as he sat at our kitchen bench. “Excited? Nervous?”

“Shut up Charlie,” He groaned his head dropping into his hands. “I can’t do this.”

“What?” Charlie and I looked at each other across Dean’s body.

“I don’t date girls,” Dean cried, “I have sex with them, and then that’s it.” He stood up. “I have a fucking roster of woman, I don’t date,”

“Dean. You need to calm down,” I rolled my eyes as he began pacing. “It’s not a date, we’re going to be there... remember,” I motioned between Charlie and me,

“Yeah,” Charlie smirked picking up his coffee cup, “We’ll make sure it's super unromantic,” He brought his cup to his lips, stopping an inch away. “Any stray candles near us, we’ll blow them out.” He looked over his cup at me, a cheeky grin spreading on his face, “Right Gracie?” I nodded my head,

“Of course, we’ll blow them right out,”

“Fucking hell,” Dean groaned throwing his head back dramatically. “We need the boys to come, we need them to come and make it so unromantic Lottie, is not going to want to ever be alone with me,”

“Lottie?” Charlie’s brow raised, teasing smirk still present on her face,

“Since when do we call Charlotte, Lottie?” I hopped up on the counter, crossing my legs watching him quizzically cupping my tea in my hand,

“Since I realised if the two of us ever get intimate, and you now things happen, tongues slip…. And I don’t…”

“You don’t?” I leant closer to him,

“Fucks sake,” He groaned.

“Dean?” I urged him,

“I don’t want to fucking moan Charlie’s name while I’m having sex with a woman,” He burst, Charlie and I shared a look with one and other, our cheeks bursting with unreleased laughter, “Fuck,” Dean muttered as we both burst into a round of laugher.

“ _Oh fuck, Charlie,_ ” Charlie moaned, his impersonation of Dean causing me to spill my tea over my crossed legs.

“Oh fuck, fuck,” I whined through the laugher. “Charlie stop,” I cried unable to control myself.

“Yeah lap it up you two assholes,” Dean called storming into his room, his door slamming behind him.

“Oh come on Dean,” Charlie called after him, “We were just kidding around,” Charlie turned back to me, his cheeks flushed red his lips still parted in a smile, “Whoopsie,” He chuckled walking over to me. He pulled himself up onto the bench and looked at me,“Never have I ever done a handstand with one hand.”

“What?”

“We’re playing a sober game of never have I ever, now.” He cleared his throat. “Never have I ever done a handstand with one hand,”

“Well, I haven’t… I don’t know how to handstand.” I brought my cup to my lips stopping a centimetre away. “Wait, does this mean I drink?”

“I’m not sure…” He frowned, “I think so,”

“You’ve never played ‘Never have I ever’ before?”

“I have, but I’ve generally been wasted, not sitting in my kitchen, in my PJ’s at eight o’clock in the morning,”

“Good point, Now what do I ask you,” I hm’d before a smirk came to my face, “Never have I ever experimented to see my sexual orientation.” Charlie glared at me.

“Cheap shot Finley,”

“Well, I’ve seen the way you look at Dean one two many times,”

“Grace,”

“I’m just saying,” I shrugged my shoulders, “I’d back it,” Charlie hopped off the bench and stood in front of me, “The two of you, roommates to lovers,” I smirked at him, “I can see the made for TV movie now,”

“You better stop with that talk Gracie,”

“Or what? You’ll tell Dean on me, and then you’ll both be mad at me?” Charlie smirked and took one step closer to me, his hands going to my legs uncrossing them so he could stand between them,

“No,” He shook his head, his hand going to push the hair off my shoulder, “I’ll just have to show you exactly what a beautiful woman does to me,”

_ If he continues to call me beautiful, I may begin to believe it. _

“Charlie,” I whispered as his hand ran up my thigh, closer to the hem of my bed shorts. He leant in closer, lips brushing my cheek.

“If you want me to stop.” He whispered back, lips brushing underneath my ear this time. “Tell me now.” I couldn’t speak, and even if I could, did I want it to stop? “Or now,” He kissed my jawline gently. “Tell me, Gracie -,” _No I really fucking didn't want it to stop._

“Alright,” Dean burst out as he walked through his door, Charlie quickly stepped back from me, and I fidgeted straightening my hair and body. “I know what I’m wearing, problem solved, I’ve messaged the other lads telling them they’re coming tonight, and Lottie is still good to go,” He finally looked up from his phone, “You two alright?”

“Peachy, I’m just going to go see George,” I pushed myself off the counter and propelled out the door. It slammed behind me with a heavy thump, “Holy shit,” I whispered pushing my hair back, fingers dropping to my neck the feel of Charlie’s lips burnt into the skin,

“Grace?” I looked down the hall Jordan was walking towards me, grey t-shirt stained with sweat, “What are you doing?” He neared me, “You get locked out?”

“What?” I realised how dumb it must look, me standing outside of my apartment with the tiniest of bed shorts on. “Oh, No, I was coming down to see you guys,”

“Oh,” He stopped nodding his head, “Well come on then I’ll let you in,”

“How was your run?” I asked as I rushed up beside him, sock covered feet sliding on the carpeted floor.

“Great, really nice way to start the morning, you know.” I nodded my head ‘yes’ stopping when I realised I didn’t know,

“Actually no, I’m not the best runner, I want to start but I don’t want to look stupid and die… and be found months later frozen and gross looking,” Jordan snorted out a laugh as he pushed his key into the door.

“You can run with me?”

“Are you sure? I’ll probably slow you down,” He turned, pushing the door open,

“I don’t mind, the company would be nice,”

“Okay then, next semester?” I held my hand out to him, “Running partners.”

“Running partners,” He nodded pushing the door open as he shook my hand.

“Grace?” Henry called from the kitchen bench, a spoon halfway to his lips, “What are you doing?”

“I just want to talk to George,”

“He’s in bed,”

“Alone?”

“Yes,” Henry nodded his head, a stupid smirk on his lips, “Go in, wake him up.” I smiled at Henry and Jordan as I crossed the space of their living room into George’s bedroom, “Good luck,”

“Shut up Henry,” I stuck my tongue out at him as I pushed the door open, “George,” I called softly as I stepped into the room shutting the door behind him. “George?”

“Grace?” His voice called back from the shrouded darkness, “That you, or am I dreaming?”

“It’s me,” I called back walking blindly into the room. “Can I come in?”

“Course,” I felt his hands grab my waist and pull me down onto his bed, “This is a nice wakeup, _pretty girl_ in my bed,” He sighed contently as his hands pulled me so I was lying beside him.

“George,”

“Shh, sleep time.”

“George, I came to ask you something,”

“If I answer can we sleep after?”

“Sure,” _~~Who would I be to pass up the opportunity to sleep beside George?~~_

“What can I help you with then Gracie?”

“How are you getting home for Christmas,”

“I’m driving,”

“Oh,”

“How are you getting home?”

“The train, I think,”

“Want to carpool with me instead?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, Jordan is going to be with us half the way, but I don’t see why he’d care if you came,”

“I’ll pay for some petrol,”

“It’s fine Grace, you know I like spending time with you, so think of it as a Christmas gift from you to me,”

“How do you do that?”

“What?” He whispered his hands pulling me tighter against his body,

“Say all the right things?”

“It’s easy when it comes to you,” He muttered lips laying a kiss flat against my hair, “Now, go the fuck to sleep,” He chuckled,

“Yes sir,” I muttered and before I knew it was off in dreamland, surrounded by George’s arms.

**Now let me tell you diary, something about falling asleep in George’s arms that sat so right with me, it could be the fact I’ve never actually, technically speaking fallen asleep in a man’s arms, or it could be that I was surrounded by George, his scent, his arms everything… Either way, I’m in a rush to make this a permanent thing.**

“Love bird,” A voice whispered into my ear, “It’s time to wake up, love bird,”

“Shh,” I groaned reaching out blindly to hit whatever was waking me up. “Go away,”

“Time to get up, its midday.”

“What,” I sat upright, ripping myself from George’s embrace, “Did you say midday?” I looked over to Henry who was smirking at me, his eyes flicking between George and me, “Oh shut it.” I jumped out of his bed. “It’s midday,”

“Half-past, actually.”

“Fuck,” I groaned. “Henry I had so much studying to do today,”

“Gracie, calm down.”

“Calm down?” I cried. “Exam’s start in under a month, I have so much to revise. I have so much to do,”

“Babe,” He grabbed my shoulders, “Calm down, I’ll come over now and we can study before dinner tonight,”

“Study, yeah okay study,” I nodded letting out a deep breath. “Okay,”

“You right?”

“Yeah,” I nodded feeling the bubble of stress and anxiety building in my chest, trying to force itself out. “I’m fine,”

“C’mon, we’ll head over to yours now.” Henry stood behind me, his hands on my shoulders leading me out of George’s room. “He’ll be out for hours still,” He stopped me at the table, picking up his books, “What’d you guy’s talk about?”

“Oh, we just planned to go home for Christmas together,”

_“Oh, la la,”_

“As friends! Friends helping friends.”

“Wanna say friends once more, maybe that time I’ll believe it.”

“Friends,” I turned to Henry who pursed his lips, his head shaking,

“No,” He chuckled, “Still don’t believe it.”

“Oh haha,” I groaned walking to his door. “I hate sleeping in late, I feel hunger over.” Henry and I walked out into the corridor and made the quick walk to my flat.

“I dunno, you looked pretty cosy when I woke you up,” He smirked, _“Wrapped in his arms.”_

“Shut up Henry,” I glared as I pushed the door open.

“Grace!” Dean barreled towards me, “There you are.” He gripped my shoulders and pulled me into the living room, where Jordan and Charlie lounged on the couch, feet on the coffee table, a movie playing in the background. “These fuckers aren’t helping me, I need a girls help.” He pushed me down so I feel onto Charlie’s lap. “What looks better?” He held up two shirts, 

“Dean,”

“Please.” He cried. “I need to look good,”

“The right,” I pushed myself up awkwardly from Charlie’s lap, “Henry and I are going to study, what time are we leaving for the pub?”

“Five-thirty,” Dean muttered swapping the shirt against three pairs of pants. I looked at Henry and shrugged.

“Four hours of study is better than none,” He walked over to my bedroom I turned to the others,

“You know where we are if you need us.” I called back to the boys, "And Dean?" 

"Yeah, Grace?" 

"Try to relax," 

**Now Diary, I could go through the details of Henry and I study, but I know Grace, I am Grace, and I know Grace remembers how boring studying was, even when Henry tries to make it fun, so instead, I need to make Grace remember how incredibly uncomfortable, how life-altering dinner was.**

_Let’s replay, shall we?_

**November 27th, 5:30 pm, - forever known as the most uncomfortable dinner of my life.**

“Have you been here before?” I whispered to Henry as we walked into the pub. “George and I came here once,”

“Good food?”

“Pub food,” He shrugged, "Not bad," 

“If it isn’t the two best-friends, plus some.” I looked away from Henry as a voice came from inside the pub, “You’re back,” It was Tom the guy who’d served George and me when we came here.

“Yeah,” George smiled stepped to the front of our group, “Grace and I told the guy’s about this place, and they had to try it.” Tom’s eyes moved from George to me,

“That was nice of you,” I shrugged,

“It’s nothing, it’s nice here.” I smiled up at him, 

“Appreciate that,” He smiled warmly, “Now let’s get you guys to a table.” He turned walking into the pub,

“He’s cute,” Henry whispered in my ear.

“I have enough guys to keep me busy with their changing emotions,” I hissed as we walked to a large table.

“Gracie,” George pulled me down beside him as Charlie sat on the other side.

_Fucking perfect, absolutely fucking perfect._

“You okay?” Charlie asked as my body turned rigid.

“Peachy,” I looked down at the menu that was on my plate so I didn’t have to make eye contact with either of the men sitting beside me. “Henry, have you been here?”

“Once or twice.” He called back,

“I've heard it’s really good,” Charlie’s arm wrapped around the back my chair as he slumped lazily in his. The sound of his voice made my whole body tingle, my heart was begging for me to look up at him, take a chance and look into his beautiful eyes. "One of the guys in my tute class goes here a lot," 

“It reminds me of one of the ones back home,” Now it was George’s turn to make my body tingle as his hand fell onto my knee, “You know the one near the football field,”

“Uh… Yeah.” I nodded unable to process anything more than George’s hand on my knee and Charlie’s on my shoulder.

“Charlotte,” My voice cracked as I spoke, I cleared it, cheeks flushing. “Have you been here before?”

“Yeah, the classic English roast is good,”

“Settled then,” Dean shut his menu, “I’ll give it a go.”

“Good idea mate,” Jordan agreed, “The first one I’d have since starting uni.”

“We could all have one, make it a tradition?” Henry suggested, “Grace?”

“Yeah,” I nodded looking across at him.

“George, Charlie, you two interested?”

“Yeah,” Charlie voiced,

“Sounds great,” George added. “I guess we’re all decided then, for drinks some pints?”

“You want a glass of wine?” Charlie’s voice whispered in my ear, “I can get you one?”

“I can help,” I smiled pushing my chair out. “Charlie and I are going to grab the drinks, Lottie, a glass of wine?”

“Please,” She turned her head from Dean and into my general direction.

“Pints for the boys?”

“I’ll have a glass of wine too, actually Grace,” Henry called as I passed him. I stopped and rubbed his shoulder.

“Good choice,” I giggled leaning down to kiss his cheek, an unrecognisable force of affection washing over me.

“Hey now, don’t give the boys the wrong impression,” He chuckled pushing me away. “I’m a man looking,” I looked to Jordan who was listening to the conversation. His eyes widened slightly.

“You’re gay?”

“As Gracie is a virgin,” Henry replied every so quickly, 

“Hey!”

“Wow,” Jordan blew out a breath. Everyone’s attention turned to the pair,

This was the make it or break it for Jordan.

_ Don't be that arsehole, do not be that arsehole! _

“Problem?” Henry's brow raised, 

“No,” Jordan shook his head, “Not at all. It’s kind of great… One of the guys' in my classes is gay as well, and he thinks you’re hot… I’ve been telling him your straight but he didn’t believe me, now I guess I can tell him you are,”

_A full pass with flying colours._

“Drinks,” I turned to Charlie unable to keep the smile off my face. We walked to the bar together, I kept stealing glances back at Henry and Jordan who was now deep in a conversation.

“You look happy,” Charlie whispered in my ear,

“I am.”

“It’s nice to see you happy Grace, it's probably one of my favorite sights in the world,” He cleared his throat running a hand through his hair, “About this morning, in the kitchen.”

“It’s fine,” I smiled up at him, “Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s not fine Grace, I know you’re into MacKay and I shouldn’t have fucked with you like that, I shouldn’t have done that at all.”

“Thank you for apologising Charlie,”

“Of course,” He smiled tapping his fingers on the bar. “Now, do you see any stray candles, I believe we made Dean a promise.” 

“None yet captain,” I giggled,

“What can I get you two?” We turned away from each other to see Tom standing in front of us,

“Bartender as well as a host?” I lent onto the bar,

“Man of many talents,”

“I can see that,” I smiled as Charlie cleared his throat quietly from beside me, “Oh right, can we have four pints of Guinness and a bottle of rosé with three glasses,” I smiled, “Please,” I added loudly on the end,

“Anything for a pretty girl,” He winked going about pouring the pints and grabbing the wine. When Charlie and I were loaded up and ready to go Charlie held his card out towards him, He stepped back and shook his head. “On the house,” He smiled at Charlie before winking at me, My cheeks heated up quicker than a hut made of kindling would have gone up in flames. 

"Thanks," Charlie called as I turned and walked back to the table,

“How much do we owe you?” Jordan asked taking the glass of Charlie,

“Nothing, it was on the house.”

“What?” Henry took the bottle from me, pouring the glasses,

“Seems the bartender has the hots for Grace,” Charlie answered, “Gave them to use for free.”

“This is amazing.” Dean cheered, “Grace you are never leaving my side,”

“Hey!” Charlotte protested,

“Or Lotties,” He added wrapping an arm around her.

“Don’t look now, but,” George smirked as I sat beside him, “Well that explains why he’s over there starring at you.” Every head at the table turned to the bar, all eyes focusing in on Tom who was pouring another pint. “I said don’t look!” He called shaking his head in disappointment, 

“He is cute isn’t he?” Charlotte giggled. I raised an eyebrow at her but she was already nodding her head. “Someone tells me if he’s cute, he sounds cute,”

“He’s hot,” Henry replied sipping his wine, he looked at me “Why don’t you go talk to him.”

“Oh I dunno,” I sunk in my seat. “He was probably just being nice,”

“He gave you at least a hundred quid worth of alcohol,” Jordan quickly held his hands up counting, “More so actually,”

“Yeah what harm could come from it, Grace?” George laughed happily, “You go on a date, He takes you to the movies… Free popcorn right?”

“Go on Grace, you’ve got this,” Charlotte said slinging an arm around Dean’s neck. “We believe in you.”

“Grace this could be the best decision of your life.” Dean smiled subtly looking from me to a George. I took a deep breath and pushed myself out of my chair, walking up to the bar where Tom was cleaning glasses, his back to me. I cleared my throat as I neared the table, waiting for him to notice my approach. I got closer to him causing him to look up, He smiled widely as soon as he saw me causing me to smile softly to a blush coming to my cheeks.

“Hi again,” I waved awkwardly,

“Back for another round already?”

“Oh, no. I wanted to talk to you…” I began to fiddle with my hands, “Thank you for the drinks, you didn’t have to do that,”

“It’s no problem,”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to get in trouble,”

“Worst the owners will do to me is give me a grounding, but I’m sure once I tell them it was for a pretty girl, they’ll forgive me.”

“I’m Grace,” I smiled holding my hand out, fighting the urge to hide my burning cheeks beneath my hair.

“Nice to meet you Grace, I’m Tom.” I smiled brightly.

“I remember,” It was his turn to smile and nod his head.

“Are you having a good time?” I nodded my head interlocking my hands with one and other as they hung in front of me,

“I am, just here with some friends getting dinner,” I said as I turned to look at the table where I was sitting only moments ago, everyone except Charlie was still watching intently he was fiddling on his phone. “Sorry, they’re a little…”

“Over involved?” He offered. I giggled and nodded my head smiling at Tom. He looked down at his watch. “I’m sorry to do this, I have to get back to work but…” He smiled pulling a pen out of his pocket. “Maybe you can give me your number?”

“Yeah,” I nodded my head taking the pen from him, I grabbed a nearby napkin and scribbled down my number, handing it back to him.

“I’ll be expecting a message from you Darby.” He smiled at me, another heart piking wink before he walked down the end of the bar. I watched him as served another couple before I turned to walk back to the table sitting down wordlessly.

“Did you get his number.” Charlotte cried, “Someone tell me is she smiling, what’s happened?”

“Grace?” Henry smirked from across the table. I nodded my head causing the table to let out a loud holler, “That’s my girl!”

“He seemed nice.” Jordan beamed at me.

“He seemed a bit full of himself if you ask me,” Charlie mumbled playing with his cutlery.

“Let’s just order dinner, I’m sure he won’t even message me… He was probably being polite,”


	28. November 28th, 2011

** November 28th, 2011 **

He messaged me, Tom messaged me. 

Nothing dramatic, nothing too big, but he took the time out to message me, even though it was a simple 

_ Hey Grace, It’s Tom from the pub. How was the rest of your night?  _

A guy messaged me, 


	29. November 30th, 2011

** November 30th, 2011 **

Dear Diary, 

Tom and I’s conversations are going well, We’re asking each other the normal questions, you know just the basics. 

  * How old are you?
  * Are you at school? / What are you studying? 
  * Where were you born? 



The basics, 

He’s nice, he’s friendly and he hasn’t told me he’s going to knock on my door at one o’clock in the morning just because he’s horny. 

So that’s a positive, 


	30. December 3rd, 2011

** December 3rd, 2011 **

Dear Diary, 

The revision has officially begun. I have six more days of studying before my exams officially begin, George has been really helpful this week, helping me study when Henry and Charlie are too busy with their own. 

It's nice, being with George again without as much pressure. 

**Yes okay, obviously you still like him Grace, but you have Tom... Who by the way you're still talking too**

We’ve made plans to go out for a drink after my final exam on the 15th, 

_ Do you know what that means Diary?  _

**_ I have a date.  _ **


	31. December 6th, 2011

** December 6th, 2011 **

Dear Diary,

Charlie pulled me out of the flat today, and away from my textbooks. He tried to convince Dean to come with us, but he was meeting Charlotte for a study session, so in the end, it was just the two of us. 

“I didn’t know you liked vinyl,” I called to Charlie as I stopped to look at a pile that sat in a milk crate by the front door of the shop Charlie had driven us too. I shuffled through the various albums, stopping when I found “Rumours’ by Fleet Wood, standing with a final glance at the crates before pushing the heavy glass door open. 

“Dad got me into them,” Charlie smiled pushing the heavy glass door open, I walked inside taken away by the number of vinyl they had. The shop floor had so many vinyl that there were some still in crates underneath the stands that the owners hadn’t even had a chance to look through. The walls were lined with shelves, each had vinyl separated into them, most appeared to be in categories of artists but I could see some that were done by years. 

“Wow.” I looked around to see Charlie move away to a crate and squatting down. I kept looking around, unable to believe this place was here. 

“Pick out whatever you want,” Charlie called. “My treat,” 

“Charlie, I can’t let you do that,” 

“Course you can. Think of it as a Christmas present,” He was smiling now, a couple of albums tucked under his arm tightly. “Beside’s I’ll get as much out of it as you will,” His lips turned up into a heart-fluttering smile that had me melting on the spot. I looked around again, taking in everything for a second time. I shook my head in disbelief 

“How did you find this place?” Charlie rocked on his heels a little, nervous energy radiating off him. 

“I found it one morning when I’d been out all night drinking, after Elle you know. Literally stumbled into it.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Since then I come back every couple of weeks, do a bit of crate digging.” He looked around, up to the vinyl that had been stuck on the roof I followed him and looked up. “It’s one of the best places I’ve found, including the ones around home,” I looked back at him and smiled, grabbing onto his hand. 

“You know Charlie Hudson. You never cease to amaze me.” He reached up and scratched the back of his neck. 

“Grace?” 

“I mean it,” I gave his hand a quick squeeze. “First time I met you, you were so nice to me, and you’ve never been mean to me, even though I’m the biggest idiot.” 

“Grace,” 

“I am, I promise you. I’m a total idiot, even though I’m studying medicine, I’m dumb.” I rattled. “Emotions aren’t my friend, but Charlie… You are one of my best friends, and you’ve helped me so much this year, even if you don’t know it.” 

“You’re something special Grace Finley.” He gave me a toothy grin. 

“Come on, let’s find some records.” I pulled him down a random aisle and started to look through some of the artists. “They have new stuff here too?” I mumbled as I picked up ‘21’ by Adele. “I love this album.” I smiled putting it under my arm. “Have you heard of her?”

“She sings that ‘Someone like you’ song right?” I nodded my head. “Yeah, I’ve heard of her then.” Charlie grabbed onto me and pulled me down the aisle more. “This is where you find the rare stuff.” He knelt by the crates on the floor and motioned for me to do so. “The owners haven’t gotten around to this stuff yet, so they’re untouched. People drop their crates in for a couple hundred or so… I’ve gotten some good stuff from in here.” He started to look through the crates. I copied him and pulled a crate towards me. Looking through it I didn’t find anything too fantastic. I looked up from my crate too see Charlie still looking through his, I couldn’t help but study him, from the way his tight black shirt fit him, to the curls in his hair. 

“How’d you get into vinyl?” I questioned him as I continued to look. I heard him stop shuffling and look up at me. A smile pulled at his lips. 

“My dad used to play some every night and then I guess I just fell in love with the sound.” He picked up an album. “Sex Pistols, God Save The Queen” He flipped the album over to read the back. “Have you listened to them?” 

“Yeah, I have once or twice.” He added the album to his pile and continued to sift through. “If you find ‘Please, Please me’ by the Beatles I will fight you for it.” I laughed pulling a different crate towards me. 

“Why that album?” I looked up shocked that he’d asked me that. I took a breath and smiled.

“It was my grandfathers' favourite album. I remember him playing it for me just before he passed away… My grandma sold the collection he had to pay for the funeral…” I picked up a copy of Bruce Springsteen's ‘Born in the USA’ and studied it. “I’ve always wished of recreating his collection… Please, Please me… is one of the hardest ones to find. I’ve found the White Album,” 

“I promise if I come across it, it’s all yours.” He smiled looking down at his crate again. With a final smile at Charlie I dig through my crate pulling out different records here and there, I found some good ones. Nirvana’s ‘bleach’, Bob Dylan’s ‘Freewheelin’, Paul McCartney ‘Put it there’ The RollingStones ‘Sticky fingers’, Beach Boys ‘Pet sounds’, Stevie Wonder ‘Songs in the key of life.’ I began to hum as I dug through the crates, “You’ve got a pile there.” I looked up from my daze to see Charlie watching me, a smile on his lips. 

“I never want to leave.” He chuckled and looked back at the album he was holding moving to lean up against the crates. “It’s so peaceful in here.” 

“I’m really glad I met you, Grace,” Charlie laughed said suddenly spoke. I looked over at him. He was leaning up against the crates, eyes closed legs pulled up in front of him. “Even though you thought I was a girl before we met,” I gasped shaking my head. 

“Dean told you?” 

“Course he did,” 

“I’m going to kill him,” 

“You excited for your date?” 

“Yeah, I am.” I nodded my head, “He’s a nice guy,” 


	32. December 10th, 2011

** December 10th, 2011 **

Dear Diary,

Day one of the exams, wish me luck. 

I’ve been listening to the vinyl Charlie and I got the other day to get me through my studying, I hope it works. 

Love Grace, 


	33. December 12th, 2011

** December 12th, 2011 **

Dear Diary,

Four exams down, two to go. 

Tom messaged me earlier today, making sure I was still okay for our date, 

_ Of course, I was.  _


	34. December 15th, 2011

** December 15th, 2011 **

Dear Diary,

My last exam is finished, done, complete. I made it through the first major part of my university career is done. 

When I’d gotten home Charlie, George, Henry, Jordan and Dean were waiting with dinner and wine. 

_ I love my boys,  _


	35. December 17th, 2011

** December 17th, 2011 **

Dear Diary,

It was my date with Tom tonight, let me recount it for you. 

First I spent almost two hours digging through my closet, trying on clothes for my date with Tom tonight. Eventually deciding I couldn’t do this alone and called Henry in. He sat on my bed and choose what looked good, what didn’t look good. 

“Black tights,” Henry pushed me down on the bed and began to rip my room apart, “With this skirt,” He grabbed out my old school skirt,

“Henry, this is my school skirt.” 

“Perfect,” He smirked. “Get his blood pumping,” He winked before he turned to my closet grabbing my oversized maroon jumper. “And this,” 

“Henry I’ll freeze,” I gasped. 

“Ah,” He frowned before his eyes perked up. He rushed over to my door ripping it open, “George, Charlie, Dean.” He called out, “Whose got a denim jacket Grace can borrow for her date,” 

“You mean with bartender boy?” Charlie called back bitterly, 

“I do,” George called back, “I’ll get it.” 

“Sorted.” He smirked proudly turning back to me. “You’re going to knock his socks off kid,” 

When Tom picked me up, he told me without a missing a beat that he thought that I looked ‘ _ beautiful’,  _ which caused my cheeks to heat up. 

“Be good kids,” Jordan called as he walked into the flat with a six-pack of beers. 

“Don’t do anything we wouldn’t,” Dean chimed, 

“You hurt her,” Charlie stopped at the door, “I’ll kill you,” 

“Charlie,” I hissed. I turned to Tom. “I’m so sorry, he’s joking,”

“No, I’m bloody not.” 

“I’ll watch him.” I turned as George pulled Charlie back into the flat, “Have fun Gracie,” He smiled softly. “Behave,” 

“See you later,” I shut the door behind me, facing Tom. “Sorry about them,” 

“They’re funny,” Tom shrugged, he turned to me as we walked, his hands in his jacket pockets, “Do you like Italian?” 

“Love it,” 

It only took us fifteen minutes to get to the restaurant, we spoke between ourselves, talking about our families, and how my exams went. Talking to Tom was easy, but the nerves in my stomach didn’t stop, and I began to wonder how my friends can make going on dates look so easy. My worrying doesn’t go unnoticed. As soon as Tom notices my fingers tapping anxiously on my thigh, he immediately reaches for my shoulder. 

“You okay?” 

“I don’t go on dates often,” I blurted, “At all really.” I cleared my throat. “Sorry if I’m a boring date,” 

“I don’t think you could ever be boring, Grace.” 

When we walk in, the place is already packed with a lot of uni aged students which is understandable for most exams have finished. Tom and I wait behind another couple and I take a minute to look around. The walls were painted a soft yellow filling the whole inside with a soft warm glow, a wall of fake stones lined the far wall with paintings of olives hanging above each of the booths that ran along with the stones. All the tables apart from two booths were filled, a mix of college students and families occupying them filling the whole restaurant with a loud buzz. 

“How are you tonight?” The hostess smiles at Tom and me as the couple in front of us moves on. Tom grabs my hand and pulls me towards her. 

“Hi, very well thank you,” He cleared his throat. “We have a reservation, for seven,”

“And what name is that under?” 

“Tom,” He smiled. The girl blushed and looked down at her book, her lips puckering.

“Sir, I apologize for the inconvenience but your table may still not be ready yet. You would have to wait another five or so minutes, would it be alright?” 

“Totally fine,” Tom presses his lips into a smile as she nods her head. “We’ll wait,” Tom placed a hand on the small of my back and led me to the corner where we stood huddled. “Do you want to go somewhere else?” He whispered in my ear, 

“No, I don’t mind waiting,” I smiled looking up at him. 

“I promise, the wait will be worth it,” He laughed, 

“I’ll hold you to it.” Tom’s hand found mine, his fingers twining between mine. 

_ Deep breath Grace! You can do this.  _

I lent my head on his should leaning my back against the wall as we waited. 

“Comfy?” 

“Mhhm,” I closed my eyes, unable to stop the grin on my face. I was comfortable with Tom, I wasn’t on edge, I wasn’t constantly in the near state of a heart attack, or about to have a conniption like I was when I was with George, or even near Charlie. 

I was comfortable, and it was nice. 

“Tom,” The waitress called us, we pushed away from the wall and followed her through the restaurant. “We’ve seated you outside, don’t worry about the cold we have heaters at either end, and the view is lovely for a date.” She rambled as she pushed the door open. Outside we were in a garden, surrounded by fairy lights and under the stars, it was quieter out here, only two other couples sat at the tables. “Is it okay?” Tom looked at me and I nodded. 

“Perfect, thank you.” 

“Sit wherever you like.” She smiled going back inside. 

“Near the heater?” I whispered pointing towards the furthest table from us, but the one closest to the table, enough to fight off the chill of the Scottish winter. 

“Sure you’ll be warm enough?” I nodded my head looking at the fairy lights. 

“This place is beautiful,” I smiled as Tom pulled my chair out for me. I sat down and crossed my legs. “Thank you,” He sat across from me offering me a menu. Tom and I sat in silence as we looked over the menu,

_ This may just be the perfect night,  _

_ But all perfect stories have their ups and downs,  _

As I’m scanning through the menu I felt something hit my shoulder with a light thud, brushing it off I didn’t think any more of it until the downpour begins, Five seconds was all it took for Tom and me to be soaked through grabbing our jackets as we rush to the small bit of cover near the door. Tom holds me against the wall his body against mine trying to shield me from the heavy rain. 

“Oh my god,” I cry unable to stop the barrels of laughter that fall from my mouth. “Are you okay?” I cried over the rain. “Get under the shelter more,” I try to pull him, his hair is soaked and beginning to drip down his face. I push the dark hair away from his eyes as he laughs. 

“No, I’m being a gentleman,” 

“Stop being silly,” I tried to tug him again, “Get under here,” 

“Let me do this Grace,” He laughed. 

“We’re all wet,” I called loudly, “What are we going to do?” Tom looked down at me, his lips twisting into a small smile, cheeks tinged red… I’m sure it was from the cold. 

“We can go back to my flat and have some takeaway?” My mouth fell open slightly as my brain searched for an answer. “Just to eat, and maybe watch a movie.” 

“Okay,” I nodded my head. 

The heavy downpour obscured the view from the windows in Tom’s flat as the wind and raindrops beat on the glass. 

“Seems we made it in time,” Tom laughed as he carried our McDonalds bag to the settee in the living room. “What do you want to watch?” 

“I don’t mind,” I smiled looking around. Tom’s apartment was a lot more put together than mine and the boys. But I suppose being two years older gave one that advantage. 

“I like rain, always sleep better when it’s raining outside,” I whispered thoughtlessly eyes moving back to the window. 

“Then let’s listen to the rain,” He smiled sitting down, hand patting the spot beside him. I sat beside him, pulling my legs up under me. “I’m sorry the date didn’t go as planned,” 

“Can I be honest with you?” I asked picking up a fry, 

“Please,” 

“I actually would rather this,” I motioned around us, the dim apartment, the rain, the man across from me, “Over some uptight dinner where we are both worried about being in public and can’t be ourselves,” 

“Really?” He whispered, 

“Yeah,” I nodded leaning forward, 

“I’m really glad you walked into the pub Grace,” He pushed some hair behind my ear, his hand resting against my cheek, fingertips dragging against the skin. “Really glad,” He whispered leaning in. 

** Oh man, we’ve reached that awkward pause in the conversation. You know the one where he looks at my lips and I look at his… IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN? **

“Me too,” I smiled leaning in ever so slightly. 

** Wait—is my breath okay? It has to be okay, right? **

“And coming back over to talk to me, that was badass,” 

** He's going in for the kiss! Are we just going to peck, or are we making out?? **

“And you were so smooth with the free drinks,” 

“Had to impress the pretty girl,” He whispered before his lips brushed mine, so softly I wasn’t sure it was real. When neither of us pulled away we went back in, harder this time, needier. My hands went to his shoulders as his tongue licked my bottom lip. 

Kissing Tom was different to kissing George… A soft different, something flowed differently between us… It was nice, comfortable. 


	36. December 18th, 2011

December 18th, 2011

Dear Diary, 

My date with Tom was yesterday, He’s really nice. He made me feel comfortable, even being in his flat. 

We didn’t do anything yesterday, we just made out. Drank some wine and he dropped me home. We’ve got another date planned for when I get home from Christmas break. 


	37. December 19th, 2011

December 19th, 2011

Dear Diary,

Is it premeditated murder if you have a good reason to kill someone? Or could it be classified as a crime of passion?

_ Because I’m about to commit a murder, but it’d be passionate.  _

Dean, the bloody idiot, has invited Tom over for dinner tomorrow night,  ** with my cooking…  **

It’s almost like he wants my relationship with Tom to end where it is right now, one night over dinner, and some sweet kisses. 

Not only do I have to cook for Tom, but I also have to cook for Henry, Jordan, Charlie, Dean, Charlotte  ** and  ** George. 

And it’s all thanks to Dean Chapman, the bastard. 

They’d tried to reassure me, calming words of ‘You’ll be fine Grace,’ and ‘Don’t worry Grace, we’ll order some Indian from the place down the road, put it in some pots and pans, and we’ll say you cooked it… Fake it till you make it right?’

But I’m freaking out, 

I like him, I don’t want to poison him!


	38. December 20th, 2011

December 20th, 2011

_ Dear Diary, _

_ It’s one o’clock in the morning, so technically it’s the 21st, not the 20th, but I’m recounting the events of the day, and it’s my diary so I can do that.  _

_ It started off, Okay…  _

** Four PM **

“So spaghetti bowl,” Henry began standing beside me in the kitchen. “Super easy, You can’t mess it up,” 

“Remember, she burned nacho’s,” Jordan called from the couch with Dean, eyes fixated on the television, 

“Don’t forget the soup incident,” Dean added. I turned to Henry unable to control the tremble in my bottom lip. 

“I’m going to kill him, he’s going to come here and eat my food and he’s going to die, and then I’m going to die alone and sad.” I cried falling against the counter, head hitting heavy. 

“Hey now,” Henry soothed hand rubbing against my back, “We don’t know if you’ll kill him,” 

“Henry,” I cried sitting up turning to glare at my friend who was snorting through laughter. “I need new friends,” 

“Do you though?” I heard George ask as he pranced through the door, “You’re going to love me,” 

“Us,” Charlie corrected rolling his eyes, leaning back against the door. “He means you’re going to love us,” 

“Why?” I moaned head dropping against the bench again, “Are you magically going to teach me how to cook,” 

“Better,” I could hear the smirk in George’s voice, “Charlie and I are going to cook for you,” I burst up, eyes glowing with the possibility of a saving grace. 

“Really?” I looked between the pair, 

“You really like him Grace?” Charlie asked still leaning against the door, 

“Yeah, I do,”  _ I think I do, _

“Then yeah,” Charlie nodded his head, “We’re gonna help you,” 

“You go for a walk, study or something we’ve got this.” George walked over to me and pulled me out of the kitchen, pushing a coat into my hands. 

“You sure,” 

“Jordan, go with her,” He added still pushing me. 

“Why me?” 

“Do you want to cook?” Charlie drawled out, bored. “Go buy some nice wine,” 

“We can do wine, right Grace?” I turned to Jordan as George pushed me into Charlie. He grabbed me by the waist and held me upright, 

“We can,” I nodded. “I think we can, at least,” 

“I can help with wine?” Dean offered also standing, “I don’t really want to cook,” 

“What if we don’t want you coming with us?” Jordan chuckled pushing Dean back onto the settee. 

“Then I say a massive fuck you, and I’m coming anyway,” He stood up smirking at Jordan before walking towards me. “We can teach Grace how to drive,” 

“Really think that’s the best idea?” Jordan whispered loudly to him, “We don’t know what type of driver she is,” 

“A bad one,” I substituted, “I’m fine not driving, honestly,” I looked up to Charlie and smiled, “Really nice offer, but maybe I’m supposed to be one of those people who just never drives,” 

“I’ll teach you one day,” He whispered in my ear, “You guy’s better get going,”

“He’s right, and then when you get back you will be smelling the most delicious meal of your life,” George smirked, “This dish helped me win the heart of Laura Francis,” He looked over to me, “Remember her Grace,” 

“How can I forget,” Laura Francis was the most popular girl at my school, and her popularity only exploded when she hooked up with George, 

“Had her begging,” He chuckled to Dean,  _ I really did not want to listen to George talk about his former conquests.  _ “Whatever happened to her?” George asked pulling me over to wrap his arms around me. 

“Not too sure,” I smiled up at him,  _ Don’t do this Grace.  _

_ You like Tom.  _

_ You like Tom.  _

_ You like Tom.  _

_ You like Tom. _

_ You like Tom.  _

_ You like Tom. _

Why are we lying to each other like this Diary, 

_ You like George.  _

“Let’s go!” I clapped, pulling away from him quickly, “Time’s a-wasting,” 

“See you when you get back,” Henry called from the kitchen. “Don’t be too long,” 

“You got it,” Jordan saluted as we walked out the door. “Should we walk?”

“Do you want to tread snow?” 

“I kind of like snow,” I muttered back to Dean who shook his head, 

“We’ll drive,” Dean tossed the keys back and forth between their hands. “Should we get some snacks as well? Maybe we can play games after,” 

“Sure,” 

** Five PM **

“What else is on the list?” Jordan asked as he pushed the trolley up and down the isles behind Dean and I, “Do we even have a list?” 

“No,” Dean replied as he stared at the miscellaneous snack food items. When he thought Jordan and I weren’t paying attention he’d place a few boxes of snacks into the cart like a child, “Maybe some chips?”

“Dean you’ve already added in six bags,” Jordan picked up a handful, “I think we’re good with chips,” 

“Dean you’ve already added in six bags, I think we’re good with chips,” Dean mimicked Jordan with an annoying smirk on his lips, 

“We need wine,” I muttered as I looked over the boxes aimlessly, “We should hurry, or we’ll miss dinner,” 

“We’re going,” Dean and Jordan cried together, 

** Five PM **

“You guy’s they’re going to be home any minute and it’s all burnt.” Henry’s voice cried out through the door. Jordan, Dean and I all stopped and lent towards the wooden door. 

“It’s not my fault. Who knew oil was so flammable.” George cried as a bang rand out through the apartment. 

“Everyone George,” Charlie moaned. 

“I think we need to see what’s happening,” I pushed open the door, smoke billowing out around us. 

“We got the wine,” Jordan called as I held the door open for him and Dean, “Lots of it,” 

“Someones getting fucked up tonight!” Dean cried carrying the bags full of chips in behind him. 

“Oh my god,” My mouth fell open as I looked at the kitchen, Henry, Charlie and George were covered in flour, and the kitchen was even worse. “I thought you guys knew how to cook,” 

“We do,” Henry replied shaking flour out of his hair, “We just didn’t equate to George being a fuckin’ menace.” 

“I didn’t mean too,” 

“Oh my god what am I going to do, he’s going to be here in under an hour,” I began to become frantic, running my hands through my hair, “He’s going to show up, and there’s only going to be wine and chips,” I shook my head. “This is going to be the worst night,” 

“Grace,” Charlie called, “Don’t worry I’ll order in some food, and we’ll explain to Tom,” He picked up his phone, “Just… go get ready, and don’t freak out, alright everything is going to be fine.” 

“Okay,” I nodded my head. “Okay,” I walked to my bedroom shutting the door behind me, “Just get dressed, everything will be fine,” 

“Babe?” George’s voice called through the door, I moved away pulling it open so he could walk inside, “You okay?” I nodded my head, “You really like him don’t you?” 

“I think so?” 

“You think so?” He chuckled walking into the room, the door shutting behind him. “You don’t know?” 

“Not yet, it’s too early to tell,” 

“How’d you know with what’s his face,” 

“You mean Julian?”

“Yeah, him,” 

“I don’t know, Sarah said it was a good idea I date him, so I did, and then when I didn’t sleep with him… well, we both know how that turned out,” 

“You want to sleep with this guy?” 

“I don’t know, maybe?” 

“Grace,” He shook his head a soft smile coming to his lips.

“What?”

“I wish you didn’t say that,” 

“Say what?” 

“That you maybe wanted to sleep with him,” 

“Why?” I whispered suddenly feeling like the air in the room was all to thin for my liking, George pushed himself away from the door and walked towards me, pulling me into him, his hands going to my hair, pushing it behind my ears as he held onto me. 

“Because deep down, I’m still hoping you’ll give me the shot I don’t deserve,” 

_ All you’d have to do was ask,  _

“But then I remember, your worth more to me as my best friend, than as a girl I slept with once,” 

_ Slept with once,  _

“Friends?” 

“Always,” He whispered kissing my forehead, “Now get yourself ready for dinner,” 

_ That was it Diary,  _

_ Dinner was fine, _

_ Tom said he enjoyed the evening and gave me a kiss farewell, making plans to see me again once I return from Christmas break,  _

_ And my mind wouldn’t stop running circles over George.  _


	39. December 22nd, 2011

December 22nd, 2011

Dear Diary,

It's six o'clock in the morning, a ludicrous time to be awake really, but we've got a long day ahead of us. We're driving home with George and Jordan today.

Now, We've been doing this for a couple of months, and it's been working out well. Starting everything off with 'Dear Diary' (something I was critical off, but now is so natural) and then me verbally purging my innermost, and most inappropriate thoughts onto the painfully white pages - We've done well, we've faced a lot but now we're going up against the most painful thing we've ever faced since we started this journey.

**Christmas with my family**

Don't get me wrong, I love my family but they drive me insane with their constant nagging about my love life - now at least I'll have something to brag about - and my career choices. Will I work in the family practice? Go on to a surgery discipline?

Drives me mental.

I'll write more soon, I have to get my parka into my bag,

Love, Grace.

_December 22nd, 2011 - One o'clock_

_Jordan, George and I are finally in the car, we left after Jordan and George practically had to pull me from why bedroom as I was running around picking up anything I might need on the week-long visit._

"Gracie," George yelled from the couch. "You nearly done?"

"Yeah." I puffed out. "Just tryna…." Breathing raggedly from trying to shove my parka into the bag.

"What?"

"Parka," I grunted. The material for this thing was too damn puffy, and not nearly malleable enough. "Just trying to fit it,"

"Just carry it Grace," Jordan called, "We've gotta get on the road, or we'll not be there until tonight and I don't know about your mum," He appeared at the door, eyes watching me as I tried to fold the material, "But mine's already threatened to cut off my balls if I'm late for tea, and I quite like my balls, useful for things,”

"He's right," George called.

"I know he is," I groaned pulling the coat out of the overstuffed bag. "That's why it's so annoying." I zipped the duffle up and pulled the coat over my body, looking to Jordan who was giving me a toothy grin. I still can’t believe this is the same Jordan who tried hitting on me the first night I’d met him, and subsequently every night out up until a couple weeks ago,

“Grace?” Jordan snapped his fingers, “You in there?”

“What?” I shook my head, “Yeah, I’m here.” I picked up the bag and looked around. “Okay," I looked around checking for anything I may have forgotten to shove into the bag, "I'm ready,"

"Finally," Jordan clapped. "Let's go, I’ll carry it,” He reached for the duffle. I passed it over to him, closing my bedroom door behind us as we walked into the living room.

“Where are your bags?” I looked around for George and Jordan’s luggage.

“We put it in the car before we came to get you,” George pulled open the front door and stepped into the hallway, holding it open for us.

“Such a gentleman,” Jordan teased as he passed George. I quickly looked around making sure everything was locked. “Charlie checked it all before he and Dean left,”

“Oh,” I walked out the door and waited for the pair. “Ready?”

“Only a couple hours till we all get to eat a home-cooked meal," Jordan cheered.

"Only a couple hours until my mother and father, and the rest of my family ask me unending questions about my first semester, you mean." I altered.

"Tell em about the time you got drunk," Jordan suggested as I shut the door behind us,

"Which time," George cackled to himself as we began our way down the hallway,

“I think the nacho time was probably the best one,” Jordan smirked,

“Oh, you mean the dinner we weren’t invited too?” George looked over to Jordan, a smile bubbling on his face.

“That’s the one I mean George,” Jordan pushed open the door to the stairwell.

“It was supposed to be a study session,” I defended myself, “Dean turned it into something more, not me.

“Don’t blame Dean just because you didn’t want us there,” George tutted.

“Yeah, Grace,”

“But don’t worry Grace, we have five hours to discuss why you didn’t invite us to dinner,” I could hear the smirk in George’s voice as we stepped down another flight.

"Seems like it'll be more like five hours with two bullies in the car,"

"Don't be silly Grace," Jordan threw his arm around my shoulder. "Doncaster is only 3 hours away,"

"Lucky me," 

"You love it Grace, admit it." George chuckled. "Wouldn't want to make this drive with anyone else,"

_He's got you there Grace, five hours sitting next to George_ … **I need to sit in the front seat.**

"Yeah sure," I quickly moved down the stairs. _Beat Jordan, Beat Jordan. Beat Jordan, Beat Jordan_.

"So, now your in a rush Grace?" Jordan laughed.

"No," I called over my shoulder back towards the idle walking men, "Just wanted shotgun," I screamed as I pushed open the final door and began running towards George's car.

"No, you don't Grace," Jordan screamed at me, the sound of his feet hitting the concrete stairs in the stairwell echoing as he ran after me. "I'm gonna get ya,"

"Stop it Jordan," I squealed over my shoulder. "George, tell him to stop it,"

"Grace?"

"Tom?" I stopped, Tom was standing in front of me, his hands in his pocket a look of confusion covering his face.

"What are you doin?" He laughed,

"Run Grace!" George yelled from behind me as he emerged from the stairwell.

“Go!" Tom pushed my shoulder gently sending me back into a full sprint towards the car. “Run Grace,” Jordan and I were neck and neck as we reached the car.

"Mine," We screamed together, hands reaching out.

"I got it," Jordan cheered his palm flat against the metal.

"Fuck," I groaned, hands dropping to my knees as my lungs tried to kill themselves. "Jesus,"

"You really aren't fit are you?"

"No," I shook my head wildly, "Not at all,"

"After Christmas," He patted my shoulder.

"Great," I panted, hands still resting on my knees. "Can't wait,"

"You alright Grace?" George strolled towards me, Tom by his side. "You lost by the way,”

"Yes, I know." I groaned. "Hi Tom," I stood up a little straighter, ignoring the burning of my lungs, a smile coming to my lips as I took him in. "Won't be a second George, I'll meet you both in the car?"

"Yeah," George held his hand out to Tom, "Happy Christmas,"

"See you in the New Year?" George nodded, "Mates throwing a party for New Years, you're all welcome,"

"We'll be there," George winked cheekily at me as he passed. Tom walked over to me, pulling me to his chest,

"It's going to be weird not seeing you for a week," He mumbled into my hair, "I've grown used to seeing you."

"At least it's only a week," I looked up at him. "I better go," He nodded and leant down placing a chaste kiss on my lips. "Seven days,"

"Seven days," He let go of me. His hand wrapped in mine as he walked with me to the car. He opened the door and waited for me to sit in the backseat behind Jordan, "Keep her safe MacKay,"

"Always," George laughed as he started the ignition.

"Message me when you get there,"

"I will," Tom closed the door and stepped back onto the footpath,

"Ready Grace," Jordan turned around in his seat looking back at me.

"Ready,"

_So far the trip has been fine, Jordan, from the front seat, has been trying to get George and I to play I-spy with him, nearly the whole way, somehow he's not figured out yet that if he stops picking things and looking at them for three minutes before he speaks we won't guess so quickly what he's chosen._

_I'll write more when I'm home diary, I'll let you know how dinner with the family went._

_Love Grace,_

_December 22nd, 2011 - Seven o'clock_

_Dear Diary,_

_I just need to quickly write down what just happened for prosperity, then I have to run down and have dinner with the family. So it began when George had pulled up out the front of my house._

"Here we are," George pulled the car into the curb bringing it to a still. I looked out the window and up at the house I'd grown up in. "You're not going in?"

"Just want one more minute of silence before I run in and get bombarded with all the questions,"

"It won't be that bad Grace," I looked from the house to him, He was leaning back on his headrest looking at me already.

"You don't know my family," I copied his form. "They're mental, I'm surprised my mum hasn't been looking out the window and ready to pop her head through the window right now," I groaned. "And then it'll be onto their constant nagging about my love life,"

"Least you have Tom now,"

"I wish it ended there, it'll then go to my career choices. Will I work in the family practice? Go on to a surgery discipline maybe?" I let my head fall. "Every year, since I was fifteen they've been asking the same questions,"

"I'll make you a deal, you go in there and face the hordes, and if it gets too much, send me a text saying Christmas tree and I'll come to save you, we'll run away together,"

"Christmas tree?" I laughed, George nodded his head,

"Christmas tree,"

"Okay,"

"Okay," He reached across and pushed my fallen hair behind my ear, "You can do this, you're Grace Finley,"

"Sounds so much bigger than it is when you say it," I laughed picking up my duffle bag from my feet. I opened the door and went to step out, stopping to turn back to George, "Christmas Tree," He nodded his head.

"I'll be here, with bells on,"

“You’d look cute with bells on,”

“You’re cute when you’re flirting.”

“I wasn’t flirting.” I watched him as he turned away and looked up at the sky once more. 

“I wish you had been. Tom better now how bloody lucky he is,” 

_So that happened. George happened. But he always happens when I don’t expect it…_

_Now it's time for Christmas dinner with the family, I'll write more if anything other than the nagging happens,_

_Love Grace_


	40. December 23rd, 2011

December 23rd

Dear Diary,

I've survived two days (Basically two days), only just. I'm already starting to pull my hair out. The constant invasive questions from my family… It's unbearable… The worst one though had to, by far come from my Aunt Mildred, who at dinner the night I'd arrived asked if I'd lost my virginity yet, or if that had happened a while ago. She then went into excruciating detail about how she lost her virginity.

_I'll never be the same._

I've considered messaging George, but I don't want to ruin his time with his family.

Five more days Diary, five more days


	41. December 24th, 2011

December 24th

Dear Diary,

I'm ready to kill my family. As if Aunt Mildred's descriptive, beyond a detailed story about how she lost her virginity wasn't enough. Now, my mum has sat me down, tonight, the night of the birth of Jesus mind you, and tried to have a safe sex talk with me… Like I haven't known about sex, let alone sex for the last few years, since grade seven actually, and then she had the audacity to act surprised when I cut her off mid-sentence telling her I knew about the birds and the bees as she so aptly put it.

Now she thinks I'm lying about being a virgin.

Great. Just, great.

I got through nearly three days before I'd sent a message to George, I needed some normalcy or my new sense of normalcy. He replied pretty quickly, saying he'd be out to pick me up, true to his word, Ten minutes later he was beeping out the front of my house.

"I'm going out," I called as I trudged down the stairs.

"You can't Grace, it's Christmas," Mum cried from the kitchen as I passed by.

"It's Christmas Eve, Ma." I groaned. "I'm just going to see some old friends, and I'll be home before tea,"

"Let her go," Mildred called from her seat on the settee. "She's only young once," For once Aunt Mildred wasn't speaking utter crap.

"I'll be home soon," I back out towards the front door when my mother didn't protest to Mildred. "Before you know it," I called finally as I shut the door behind me.

I'd have to fight this battle later, but at least for now, I'd have a couple of hours without being driven up the wall.

"Your chariot, M'lady," George called from inside his car, his head hanging out the window, I jogged over and slipped into the passenger side. "Your mum's watching us," I followed his line of sight to the window where my mum and Mildred had gathered to spy on us.

"And my Aunt Mildred." George snorted turning the key in the ignition. "Where are we going?"

"No idea,"

"Want to play twenty questions?"

"Sure."

"You go first," I moved in the seat so I was looking more directly at him. Watching as his lips pursed, before he smirked.

"Have you ever checked me out when I've walked away from you." My cheeks burned a bright red. "And remember friend's don't lie to each other." I leaned over the console a little.

"I am not answering that," I gawked.

"Don't worry, You just did,"

"My turn…. What's your favourite eye colour,"

"Yours." My heart melted as he looked over and smiled sending me a cheeky wink. "I like the colour of yours, What's more important? Truth or Happiness?"

"Truth. We make our own happiness…" George nodded his head a smile pulling on his lips. "Have you ever been arrested?"

"Once." He nodded his head, his jaw clenched a little as he spoke. "I was seventeen… Young and stupid."

"What happened?" I listened carefully to George. I'd seen many sides to him since our first night together on Ben Daniel's roof, but this was new. A softer side, a more fragile side.

"This was when I was dating Laura Francis, you remember, her and Mason and Taylor?" He gave me a quick sideways glance, waiting for an indication I'd remembered his friends.

"Yeah,"

"We were out one night in Cambridge before we were eighteen mind you," He cleared his throat as he thought about this next words, "We'd all been drinking with Mason's older brother and his friends, so we were smashed, and we went to this club," He cleared his throat again, His eyes narrowed as he watched the road, "I started a fight and a lot of stuff got broken, we all got arrested."

"Why'd you start a fight?"

"Laura was hooking up with another guy,"

"And you punched him." I filled in the blanks. "And that's how you got arrested."

"Yeah,"

"Well," I cleared my own throat, "Laura was kind of a bitch in school, so it's really not a big loss," George's lips move as laughter bubbled through.

"Only you can make me laugh over that, Gracie," He shook his head. "What are your favourite hobbies?" I ran a hand through my hair, using the minute to digest the story George had told me,

"I like photography and writing."

"I do always see you writing in your diary?" He looked across at me as we pulled to a stop. "What are you writing about?"

"Things,"

"Am I one of them?"

"What a thing?"

"Something you write about?"

"You're in my life aren't you?"

"Yes,"

"So yes, you are"

"Will you show me one day?"

"Maybe one day." I nodded my head.

"How about some food?" He pulled into the car park of the McDonalds we'd wasted hours in the night we'd met. "Is that?" His eyes narrowed as he leant forward on the steering wheel, squinting out into the sun. "No fucking way," I followed his eyes to where he was looking. Standing beside a shitty old maroon car was Julian and Sarah.

"Julian,"

"And stalker Sarah," George quipped. "They've seen us," Julian had stood up straighter, nodding his head towards George's car.

"Yup," I nodded.

"Alright," George cleared his throat and turned, his hand went to the back of my head, turning me to face him. "We're doing this," Without a second thought, he leaned in, his lips touching mine. His other hand ran up and grabbed my face, holding me in place. His tongue traced my bottom lip urging mine to open when I did our tongues touched. He pulled away lips going to my neck. "Gracie." I grabbed onto his face and pulled him back up, reattaching our lips again. My hands left his face and went to his shirt, lifting it up as he pulled me over the console and onto his lap. I grabbed his shirt and lifted it up and over his head throwing it in the back seat. My lips went to his neck as he grabbed onto the handle for the seat, letting it fall backwards so we had more room. "Grace, we need to stop." He was right we did need to stop, once again I'd given in and kissed him, resulting in one of the best make-out sessions of my life. Will grabbed my face holding it gently. "Believe me, I'm a man, and I don't want to, but if we don't…" I nodded my head, opening the door and slipping out. I straightened my clothes and watched as George got out and pulled a shirt on.

"Grace," Her voice called across the car park, "Is that you?" I looked at George as Sarah called out to us, "Grace Finley,"

"George," I groaned, "Can't we do a drive-through order?"

"Not after than show," He chuckled, fixing his shirt. "C'mon, we'll just ignore her." He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the doors. Sarah and Julian watched us as we neared them.

"So you two are a thing, huh?" Julian's voice called as we passed. "Enjoy the slutty sloppy seconds MacKay," My feet stilled, George's hand squeezed mine.

"No, You know what," I growled turning around. I stalked up to Julian and slapped him across the face, "How dare you," I screamed. "You fucked this up Julian, you cheated on me with her," I hissed at Sarah who'd slunk back. "So don't think you can go around, accusing me of being a slut," My eyes turned to slits. "You didn't fuck me, and I'm sure if you did I wouldn't have been able to feel it,"

"Fuck," I heard George whisper under his breath.

"So next time you try and accuse me of being a slut because I've moved on, have a look back and think why that's happened, you small cock fuck," I turned on my heel and walked back to George,

_"Grace Finley, I may just be in love with you,"_


	42. December 25th, 2011

**December 25th, 2011**

Dear Diary,

Happy Christmas!!

I don’t have time to go over the events of the morning right now, (Aunt Mildred sat me down and went over the first time she gave a blow job), Mum’s called me downstairs, apparently, I have a gift from Charlie that came in the post.

I’ll write more soon!

Love Grace,


	43. December 27th, 2011

**December 27th, 2011**

Dear Diary,

Sorry I didn’t write again the other day, after reminding myself about Aunt Mildreds blow job story I went downstairs and stole a bottle of vodka and spent the rest of the day drinking for God with my oldest cousin Jesse.

I did remember to drunkenly open Charlie’s gift, it was a thick diary, with a handwritten note on the front page. It says;

_Dear Grace,_

_I didn’t know what to get you for Christmas but knew I had to get you something._

_I always see you scribbling down in that old tattered diary of yours, so I thought I’d buy you a new one. Maybe when you write you’ll think of me._

_Love Charlie,_

Isn’t that the sweetest! Charlie Hudson has to be the most thoughtful guy I have ever met.

Love, Grace.


	44. December 29th, 2011

**December 29th, 2011**

Dear Diary,

I’m finally home. After an excruciating six days, (It was five an a half, but six makes me sound like a better daughter) with my family driving me mental about my medical degree, my love life, and how much wine I was drinking at dinner I’m finally home in my own bed.

Charlie and Dean aren’t home until tomorrow so I’ve got the flat to myself for the whole night. I’ve already messaged Tom and he’s on his way over with some food, and you guessed in more wine.

It’s good to be home Diary,

Love Grace.


	45. December 30th, 2011

**December 30th, 2011**

Dear Diary,

It has become _so extremely utterly apparent_ to me that I am utterly useless when it comes to sex and the opposite gender… Even more so than I already thought I was.

_Let me tell you about last night, and how my utterly useless self realised I know nothing._

_So Tom came over, and when I saw him standing at my front door with wine, take away and flowers, I swear my heart did a thousand backflips and well, diary I began to feel guilty about that kiss with George, so I did what any rational woman would do, and I practically jumped him at the door._

“I’ve missed you, Darlin’,” Tom whispered against my lips as I pulled him into the apartment, moving us back towards the settee. “Six days, too long,”

“Mhhm,” I agreed, lips still flush against his. Something took over in the back of my brain and I needed more of him as we fell onto the settee. “You’re jacket,” I began to pull it down his arms, “Take it off,”

“Grace,” He pulled away, his full hands moving to my shoulders holding me still, “Slow down, we have all night for that,” He pulled me into his chest, “I’m beginning to think you only called me over for a booty call,”

“No,” I stuttered. “I missed you, that’s all…”

“Alright,” He conceded pulling away from me and standing, “If my _girlfriend_ wants me to take my jacket off, then my jackets coming off.” He began to pull the fabric down his arms, stopping midway when he took in my shocked face, “Unless my girlfriend isn’t in this room?”

“You want me to be your girlfriend?” His jacket was halfway down his arms when he nodded his head.

“Yeah, I do,”

“Your girlfriend wants you to take your jacket off,” I whispered, watching as a smile broke out onto his face, the jacket falling to the floor.

“Whatever the girlfriend wants, she shall have,” He fell back onto the settee with me, a mess of limbs. “Well girlfriend,” He stroked my cheek softly, “You’re still coming to the party tomorrow aren’t you?” _Tom’s New Year’s party._

“Yes, the boys and Charlotte are still right to come as well aren’t they?”

“Of course,”

“Then I will most certainly be there,” He smiled kissing me softly on the lips,“We should eat,” I whispered through another kiss, “Or we could do other things,”

“I’ve never seen your bedroom,” His hand drew over my knee in circles soothing my rapidly beating heart,

“You want too see my bedroom?” He nodded his head, “Okay,” I stumbled standing from the settee and crossing. The short distance to my small room. “It’s not very tidy, I was studying last night,” He walked inside, fingers running over nicknacks, picking up the diary Charlie gave me. “Charlie gave it to me for Christmas,” I missed Charlie, and Dean being here without their constant football talk didn’t feel right. He smiled at it before setting it back down on the desk.

“It’s all very Grace,”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“I’m not too sure anything about you could be bad,” He laughed laying on the bed. “Beds not too comfortable, squeaks as well,”

_“Loud bed,”_ as George had aptly put weeks before. “Not so great when you have a bad sleep,”

“Oh really?” He raised his eyebrow,

“Wakes everyone up,” He reached his arm out towards me beckoning me to join him on the bed. I padded over and sat beside him on the hard mattress. He reached out and pulled me down beside him, laying us close together. “Hi,”

“Hi,” He breathed our noses brushing softly as he moved.

“Hi,” I whispered back. He smiled, fingers resting softly under my chin as he brought our lips together, letting them brush together softly. The kiss became rougher as Tom pulled me closer, his hands running down my arm, stopping at my waist. My heart rate spiked as Tom’s lips left mine and moved across my cheek leaving a trail of kisses from my lips to my neck, the skin of my neck being pulled deviously between his teeth. “Ugh,” A strangled moan escaped my lips as I pulled at his short hair. “Tom,” My breath was whispery, nearly unrecognisable as Tom bit into the skin again. “ _Fuck,_ ”

“You okay?” He pulled his head back up, meeting mine,

“Yeah,” I pulled his lips back to mine, unable to stop the hunger I’d found for him, for the feeling of his lips on mine. He pulled me over so we spun on the small bed, I was on top of him looking down at him as my hands worked on their own to pull his shirt off. He leaned up, pulling the shirt off his body and tossing it on the ground beside my bed. His skin was toned, and nicely tanned. My fingers traced down the expanse of exposed skin as his right hand went to my hip, squeezing the skin before moving back up, fingertips tracing underneath the thin fabric off my own shirt. He looked me in the eyes as he moved it upward, exposing a small part of me to him.

I felt underneath me him hardening, _God, it felt a lot bigger than Julians had when we made out, and I didn’t know what to do with his, how am I supposed to know what to do with Toms…_ His hips slowly, subconsciously rutted up against mine hitting me in my most intimate areas. 

“Grace,” He groaned as my hips accidentally moved down against him. “Do you have anything?”

“No,” I sat upright, the cold water of his words rushing over me. “I don’t have anything,” I swung my leg off him and sat down beside him, hand resting on his bicep. I looked down to the bulge in his pants. “I’m sorry,”

“Sorry?”

“Yeah,” I moved my head so I motioned to his crouch. “About that,”

“Hey,” He sat up, putting his hands under my chin, “Don’t be sorry about anything Grace,” He kissed me softly. “It’s fine,” He whispered. “How about we go have tea before it gets cold?”

“Yeah, Please,” He stood up and helped me up, holding my hand the entire way to the living room where the forgotten bag of food sat. “What’d you get?” I asked as I sat on the settee watching him riffle through the bags,

“Italian,” He smirked sending me a cocky wink.

_And that was it Diary, Tom asked me to be his girlfriend, we made out for the first time… I mean really made out, the kind of made out where you’re sitting there, and you feel everything…_ **_everything!!!_ ** _and I am now constantly worrying about how his Penis…. more so the size of it… (Which felt quite big as we already know) and how it is going to fit anywhere near (or in) me._

_When Sarah told me about losing her virginity to Freddie Ashmore in tenth I assumed she was making up how painful it was, you know, the stretching, but now having felt how big Tom is, I don’t think she was lying._

_Not that I’m planning on losing my virginity to Tom_ **_ANY_ ** _time soon… I don’t even know if it’ll be him I lose it too, maybe he’ll end up breaking my heart and I’ll die alone an old spinster virgin lady._

_I hope not,_

_Love Grace,_


	46. December 31st, 2011

**December 31st, 2011**

Dear Diary,

I’ve been Tom’s girlfriend for nearly twenty-four hours now, and it’s kind of weird… The relationship already feels more mature then the one Julian and I were in, I think it’s because we’re in Uni, and we’re practically adults… at least he is, I’d rather be an adult in training - the juice in the bottle can be wine - Last night he went home after Midnight, giving me a final kiss and a promise of seeing me tomorrow, as we enter the New Year - together.

Speaking of New Year, How crazy is it that we’re nearly in 2012… Since finishing school the year has flown by, the first year of Uni is halfway finished, and I can’t believe it.

I really lucked out meeting the people I met this year and having them to spend my first year of Uni with.

I’ll give you an update of how the party went tomorrow Diary, hopefully, the hangover isn’t too bad.

Wish me luck,

And Happy New Year Diary,

Love Grace,


End file.
